Moderation does not work for me
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Originally Posted by Soberintexas007 
I feel like such a failure in admitting this to you, but I started drinking around 1 pm today. I feel like I am letting everyone down and am sorry. I have had 6 beers and now I ordered take-in from a restaurant to have a ceasar salad, gnocci pesto, and a bottle of wine. I am so sorry, but I just cannot stop. I just talked to my AA friend who came over yesterday to my apartment for dinner, and he said that he had a good time, so that was good to hear. At least my drinking did not repel him away.
It's almost as if I know that I need to stop but am unwilling to take the steps to do so. Something is going to give sooner or later.
It's almost as if I know that I need to stop but am unwilling to take the steps to do so. Something is going to give sooner or later.
It's the kind of lie drunk people like. Been there done that...
You have stopped before tho, so it's not impossible - you just need to be willing.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Soberintexas007
Let's be honest here. You really think that I am going to dump the wine???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by tomsteve
I don't think it's " almost as if unwilling." you have been completely unwilling to take any suggestions or put in any of the footwork unlesss it conforms to your ideals.Been putting stipulations on recovery. Been saying if this,that, or the other would do this,that, or the other then you'd be sober. You've been trying to do it on your terms for a long time.
Yup, ya feel like crap, but ya haven't let anyone down but you, the most important,person in your life. Now if ya start taking the suggestions and putting them into action, that self hatred and self pity will disappear.
The best thing to do is surrender. Admit and accept your way doesn't work, then become willing to do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober.
Sobriety has been many things for me. It was very hard for me to get sober. Some days took every once of energy to not drink.
Along with surrender was admitting and accepting my way got me drunk and wasnt gonna help for crap to help me get sober. Took me listening to people call me on my BS, getting pissed off,get into one person pity parties, then admitting they were right. Then getting into action using their suggestions.
Staying sonerhas been easy and an awesome journey. Facing life on life's terms and not playing God...what a concept! Works pretty good!
Yup, ya feel like crap, but ya haven't let anyone down but you, the most important,person in your life. Now if ya start taking the suggestions and putting them into action, that self hatred and self pity will disappear.
The best thing to do is surrender. Admit and accept your way doesn't work, then become willing to do whatever is necessary to get and stay sober.
Sobriety has been many things for me. It was very hard for me to get sober. Some days took every once of energy to not drink.
Along with surrender was admitting and accepting my way got me drunk and wasnt gonna help for crap to help me get sober. Took me listening to people call me on my BS, getting pissed off,get into one person pity parties, then admitting they were right. Then getting into action using their suggestions.
Staying sonerhas been easy and an awesome journey. Facing life on life's terms and not playing God...what a concept! Works pretty good!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Soberintexas007
Let's be honest here. You really think that I am going to dump the wine???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
SR is really my only left social outlet. I have my family, a few AA contacts, my husband. I didn't exercise today but instead took a couple laxatives to help with that problem. How sad is that?
The problem with me right now is that I like to have a "drunk brain" rather than a "sober one." Many of you have been able to "temporarily" defeat this problem and good for you. But I haven't....
I know that you all want me to be sober. What would I be like as a sober woman?
The problem with me right now is that I like to have a "drunk brain" rather than a "sober one." Many of you have been able to "temporarily" defeat this problem and good for you. But I haven't....
I know that you all want me to be sober. What would I be like as a sober woman?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
What we think about that doesn't really matter. What you think does. Be honest with yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
If I was to have 1 year of sobriety, you all would be so happy for me. And I want that so bad for everyone. I just love to be intoxicated. My pain is so great. Imagine living in the wrong gender for 27 years of your life? You think that pain can be lifted in a few years? Alcohol is currently my only solution...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by happybeingme
No need to apologize. If you are happy drinking than by all means keep drinking. None of us want anything from you except to be happy. If your happy drunk. Well ok.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by Della1968
Have you tried counseling?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,410
Originally Posted by Soberintexas007
If I was to have 1 year of sobriety, you all would be so happy for me. And I want that so bad for everyone. I just love to be intoxicated. My pain is so great. Imagine living in the wrong gender for 27 years of your life? You think that pain can be lifted in a few years? Alcohol is currently my only solution...
We decided to live in the present and not use our pasts as an excuse to keep drinking.
Tom nailed it, and you know it.
You want things on your terms but it doesn't seem to be working.
You haven't chosen to listen to the experience from this forum about maintaining sobriety,
or from those on Friends and Family when you were trying to control your husband's drinking.
Of course we want you happy and sober, but we can't quit for you, so it's no help
if you are unwilling to do the needed work to get there.
You have been through a lot and made changes most people would never have the courage to admit or follow through on.
Use that courage to face yourself and surrender to the truth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Oh my gosh, I am listening to a song right now that reminded me of my last psychiatric ward stay. I was in such a state when I lived in southern CA, and I was brought to a psychiatric ward. It is happening all over again, oh my!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
Originally Posted by Soberintexas007
I just talked to my AA friend who came over yesterday to my apartment for dinner, and he said that he had a good time, so that was good to hear. At least my drinking did not repel him away.
For me, Sobriety isn't a game and AA or other recovery groups aren't social outlets or places to find sympathy while we drink.
As others say, what anyone here thinks really doesn't matter. If you truly want to stop the merry go round I'm sure you'll find a way. But that is my experience...I got to a point where I was sick and tired of being sick and tired...not just drinking, but all the charade and shenanigans that went with it.
Sobriety meant giving up the games I didn't even know I was playing, and being ready to live life on a different basis.
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by happybeingme
I don't know much about transgenderism but there are support groups. Didn't you go through therapy before your change?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
