Liveitwell

Let's see how to sum up the last 11 years...met a guy, fell deeply and madly in love-we both came from very alcoholic and abusive homes (his extremely enmeshed with mom and sister and me still having childhood and abandonment issues among others), he was honest, loyal, good to me, apologized when he messed up, just brought out a side of me I didn't know existed-and he echoed that sentiment about me. Love was real, true.

We were both extremely heavy drinkers. We had kids-after first child 6.5 years ago he started drinking every night - by himself-it was no longer social.

To sum up the past since then would be very good tines and very bad times-99% if the time driven by alcohol and my depression and sickness as a spouse....I was awful to him at times...I didn't know how to handle myself...I felt crazy. I also battled with my own demons of drinking too much and my biggest regret, abortions. Things we never talked about-just pushed under the rug. The worse the drinking got the more he lied and got very selfish-I watched his entire personality change. I decided three years ago to stop drinking for good, for many reasons, and got into therapy, al anon and joined this website as a friend and family. I needed help as I had turned into someone I no longer recognized-I was so angry and not a happy person...I saw how I had affected him and made amends to him with true remorse with no strings attached. I told him I would show him I had changed and if it took forever, so be it.

I started setting boundaries with him re drinking, threatened dozens if times thst I would leave with the kids if it didn't stop. He always had something smooth to say that I bought each tine. He's promised to quit so many times I've lost count. He's broken down multiple times, that were 100% him-the man I married-crying saying he had to stop bc it was ruining him. I did whatever I could to support him but I had to have a plan B to protect our kids if things got out of hand....again. 9 months ago and I had enough after a drunken rage at me. I filed for divorce. Months went by and we tried-he said he wasn't drinking. I knew he still was. He went to detox fir 8 days in November and came back full of promises and desires to lead this family as a Godly man. I think he truly meant them. I told him I needed more than two weeks if sobriety before he could come home since safety had been a huge issue with our young kids. Needless to say it's gone to another level of insane since then. Threats, stalking, horribly abusive things said to me and about me. I went forward with the divirce and it was final march 1st. He was court ordered to use soberlink-fought it tooth and nail. Has blown so many positives I can't keep track. Lost visitation beginning of April. Decided to go back to detox for a few days in April and was drunk less than a week later. Quit the job he loved and hasn't paid me a dime of child support and there's always an excuse and never seeing it as consequences to his actions. Lost all visitation rights due to the judges orders. said horrible things to our oldest daughter during supervised visitation prior to losing rights.

He has recently continued to send me notes and messages about "us", pictures of our family, that he "just wanted to be my husband and love me", etc. After showing up still visibly drunk to our daughters kindergarten graduation he sent me a message telling me he was reading the decree, didn't understand why I wouldn't respond to him, etc. Today was the day I finally moved all his things out to his new place. After it was delivered he sent me a message stating "congrats, you win".

To say that I'm sad is an understatement-more disappointed in him, deeply. The man I married would not act this way. He's so lost, but I have gotten over my anger and even though he continues to not face reality and blame me, I have so much compassion for him-bc I know this is not truly him. Or maybe it is now. I don't know. I know I can't save him-that's not my job.

I still pray every day that he reaches out for help abd humbles himself and realizes what his drinking has done-lost his marriage and kids. Just wanted to see îf any of y'all identified with by of this. I know the message this morning was sent to hurt me, and it did. "Congrats, you win" just shows how clueless he is. I still love him-the man he was and the good in him-and I know he's lashed out bc I did finally leave-I don't think he ever thought I would-abd he does not wabt to face what he's done. I firgive him abd hope he gets it someday-I did truly love him.

Anyway, thanks for listening to a former addict and ex spouse of an alcoholic. Alcoholism is the most awful thing...it took the love of my life away and the father of my kids.

Any thoughts would be appreciated!

JeffreyAK

Alcohol addiction can do terrible things to us. But we all have to look after ourselves first, and people who damage us have to wind up somewhere down the line from there.