sleepie

The heat, feeling physically disgusting, being unable to go out for a walk because it's too hot out. It's making me nuts.
I have been in bad shape the last week or so and doing a benzo taper might be part of it.
Anyway. I hate this.
I only slept here and there between 5 and 10 this morning.
NO I didn't drink but I really wish I could, and of course all the FB posts are my attractive friends posing in their cute summer clothes (I cannot wear I have scars etc.) and drinking.
I am not one of them. I am a human pooper scooper and the only reason I know anyone is due to my dog walking jobs. It's pathetic and I am really tired of life. I've never felt like I was a part of life. Summer and hot weather makes everything feel worse, it's going to be sheer hell for the next 4 months.

sleepie

Sigh.
Going out for a sugary mocha.
I wish I could be like some people here and just jump into a health and diet program and work out but I am just so..ugh.

Soberpotamus

Hey, it will come in time You have the rest of your sober life to make lasting changes.

Have you heard of a blog called Zen Habits? Leo Babauta? Anyway, he talks a lot about habit change and how it's best to start by focusing on one thing rather than many. And to do that new habit 1-2 minutes per day. Then 5, then 10, and so on...

After a month or two of establishing that new habit, only then go on to tackle the next.

Sleepie, you're early in sobriety, and aren't you detoxing from benzos too? I know from experience how hard it is to come off the benzos

Pretty much, you are kicking butt as it is right now You're doing a whole heck of a lot. Give yourself credit and enjoy that mocha

sleepie

Thanks. Yeah the benzos... best and worst thing that ever happened to me!
i'll check that out- thanks!

zjw

took me a good 6 months of forcing myself yes forcing myself to get the diet and exercise to stick. god knows so many days i didnt wanna bother with it. and even now i still dont sometimes.

I make it look easy to those around me though that can be a bad thing cuase it makes them feel like what you just said.

Hang in there. try and think about whats good about your life. I had to to focus on anything positiv sometimes all i had was gee the sun came up and i aint dead I suppose thats good *sigh*.

I dont use FB personally but it can be depressing looking into the window of everyones lives. People tend to post all the great stuff but not exactly reality. So it ends up seeming like everyones life is great but yours. For me I went throught hat even without facebook I hit a point where I just tried not to focus on anyone elses life. When I did I started to realize they all got there struggles too perhaps just different.

very few people got some fabulous life where everythings just great. I know there are a select few it seems where they got it pretty close to that good but even those sooner or later there number comes up and the S*** ferry goes and dumps on them too.

Hang in there.

a farmer told me once.
Remember the grass is greener on the other the other side because theres more S*** over there!

and if you think your life is nothing but S*** just remember some of the best flowers and such grow from S***!

Pipping

Facebook is full of crap and people post only what they want you to see. You don't see pics of people on the loo, when they first wake up or when they are wearing old clothes to do some cleaning. I get the fitness and healthy food thing, I am not there yet after 18 months sober and again no one confesses to a late night binge or doing only half assed session at the gym. Stop worrying about other people and take care of yourself. You are doing fine xx

sleepie

Hi Pipping, I guess fine will do for now... but I hope there's still a chance I can be doing great someday...
Neighbors having drinks and dinner again- going to eat, have a giant iced coffee with me. It's good to have company at least.

ScottFromWI

I have diagnosed anxiety and borderline OCD. I've finally gotten professional help and it makes a heck of a difference. Can't believe I waited so long to get help.

Getting sober definitely helped, but it didn't treat the underlying problem. I'm working on mindfulness and meditation now. Meditation is deceptively difficult...but it's helping.

sleepie

It was good to have dinner and company. I am alone so much in my day and my BF is really not a talker. I need to laugh. I got to do that tonight.