emmsie

Hi,

Hope everyone is well.

I am just over 3 years sober and was bridesmaid at a wedding a few days ago. I had been worried about the experience (however not obsessing over it) as I knew alcohol would be served there but had a get-out plan before I got there, which included sitting at the children's table with my partner (who doesn't drink) and leaving the reception for a discreet 'breather' when I felt the need. I did those things and really enjoyed some of the day, including seeing two very good and kind friends seal their union. A few days on, my head is really messing with me and I'm feeling very negative. It's come like a bolt out of the blue and not something that I expected to feel at all. I'm not quite sure why I'm feeling like this at all but despite being 3 years clear of alcohol, I don't think that being around it in a party-type environment is an experience that I'd be comfortable repeating any time in the near future. Hopefully I'll be able to do it one day. The Bride and Groom were highly supportive of me on the run-up to the wedding and am aware that I am in recovery. I am very fortunate to have great friends like this. Has anyone experienced anything similar and if so, how did you handle the situation?

Many thanks,


Emma

doggonecarl

Glad your plan ensured you made it through the event sober.

Negative about your sobriety?

emmsie

Thanks, carl. Negative about stuff in general (even though I feel blessed for everyone and everything in my life) but not about my sobriety. It's the one thing that I guard with my life.

zjw

i had to pickup food from a bar in early sobriety i didnt do it again for years i was twitching and i did not like it one bit. I've since been back to that same bar to pickup food again but i took my kid with me that time and it kinda helped i felt less inclined to pull up a stool and order a drink while i waited.

I had to go to a party once too where it was served and people where drunk. I didnt like it and was polite and such but left early and I have not put myself in a situation like that again.

The bar thing i'll admit i was twitchen and having a very rough go of it. the party however i was not having any issue say no to booze. it was the opposite i was repulsed by it etc..

negative thoughts could just be the usual ups and downs life. if we didnt have negative times we'd never have positive times.

I'm a negative person by nature so i have to work at being positive it takes a lot of effort for me and I almost always have my finger on the pulse of my attitude anymore and the min i feel it dip i check myself and try and find out whats wrong.

emmsie

Thanks, zjw. What you've said helps me a lot. I've been anxious about a few things lately but those aside, I think I would have still felt uncomfortable in that situation. One I reckon I should definitely avoid for now. It didn't sit right in my gut. Really glad to hear you didn't take that drink in that bar early on.

doggonecarl

Then maybe it has less to do about being around alcohol and more about the event itself, the wedding. Someone else's milestones often make us think about ours, or lack of them, which can make us reflect on our lives.

emmsie

I think that's a great point, Carl - thanks. I wasn't aware of that but perhaps it applies on a subconscious level. I have been worrying about the future a tad in various respects. I think it was definitely the alcohol being there too as that kind of situation is very new to me. To see people drinking (who can do it in safely and why shouldn't they) who I ordinarily don't so it felt out of context. Usually I'll be having a coffee with them and some people were getting quite tipsy and it didn't feel comfortable. There was a lot of emotion on the day too. The people getting married are an amazing couple and I was quite overcome and so happy for them.

emmsie

*in safety! Hope this all makes sense!

JeffreyAK

I haven't gone to a wedding since I've been sober, but I've gone to parties and have had similar experiences. For me it wasn't that it made me miss alcohol at all, but maybe it was a reminder of a lot of stuff that went on towards the end of my drinking days that I don't often think about, and maybe it made me feel out of place? A wedding reception is a big drinking event for many, with drinking and drunk people expected and encouraged, but you're not part of that as a non-drinker, and being a non-drinker brings that all into focus. So it doesn't surprise me you felt upset or blue afterwards.