Major trigger
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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searching peace I truly appreciate your help. But I promise, boyfriend is thick headed- not abusive.
I've read some books, the most eye opening one being "Surviving a Borderline Parent". I understand now better than I did before what emotional and verbal abuse is in their many forms- even though I experienced plenty of it firsthand growing up! And consequently dated a series of narcissistic A-holes. This guy is just way too wrapped up in his own little world and has even said as much.
I just wish I could figure out how to get him to engage in conversations I think are important.
I've read some books, the most eye opening one being "Surviving a Borderline Parent". I understand now better than I did before what emotional and verbal abuse is in their many forms- even though I experienced plenty of it firsthand growing up! And consequently dated a series of narcissistic A-holes. This guy is just way too wrapped up in his own little world and has even said as much.
I just wish I could figure out how to get him to engage in conversations I think are important.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I dated the king a-hole of this city years ago- arrogance does not even describe it.
He has a reputation as a psychopath.
These days, I have heard through the grapevine- he's gone all Howard Hughes and hardly even goes out- I am pretty sure it's because he has P.O'd a good half of the city. He won't even let people use his name if they are talking about him to someone else!
He was a compulsive liar-a cheater, he lied his way in and out of everything and everyone in this city and then went from coast to coast! Even people in LA and the East coast hate him.
He has a reputation as a psychopath.
These days, I have heard through the grapevine- he's gone all Howard Hughes and hardly even goes out- I am pretty sure it's because he has P.O'd a good half of the city. He won't even let people use his name if they are talking about him to someone else!
He was a compulsive liar-a cheater, he lied his way in and out of everything and everyone in this city and then went from coast to coast! Even people in LA and the East coast hate him.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by sleepie 
searching peace I truly appreciate your help. But I promise, boyfriend is thick headed- not abusive.
I've read some books, the most eye opening one being "Surviving a Borderline Parent". I understand now better than I did before what emotional and verbal abuse is in their many forms- even though I experienced plenty of it firsthand growing up! And consequently dated a series of narcissistic A-holes. This guy is just way too wrapped up in his own little world and has even said as much.
I just wish I could figure out how to get him to engage in conversations I think are important.
I've read some books, the most eye opening one being "Surviving a Borderline Parent". I understand now better than I did before what emotional and verbal abuse is in their many forms- even though I experienced plenty of it firsthand growing up! And consequently dated a series of narcissistic A-holes. This guy is just way too wrapped up in his own little world and has even said as much.
I just wish I could figure out how to get him to engage in conversations I think are important.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
I struggle with the same issue with my husband. He never wants to talk about things in person, it is so frustrating. For some reason, if I get him on the telephone and bring up an issue, he is more willing to talk about it. I don't get it.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
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Originally Posted by Lenina
Ok, so your needs are not getting met. And that's a trigger. Or am I misunderstanding?
Love from Lenina
Love from Lenina
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Indiana
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I think, men in general, do not necessarily like to talk about their feelings. However, I think that this is a "trained behavior" that is ingrained in almost everything and society makes it seem acceptable. IE: watch just about any sitcom on television and they make a joke about it.
In regards to being a programmer, I cannot attest to that but I am a sys admin and I think we definitely tend to get wrapped up in our thoughts a lot. I have a really bad habit of losing myself for hours on end with work and that can be both a blessing and a problem at the same time. It is good when I need to focus on anything other than alcohol or something else that I don't want to think about. But, it can be really bad when you spend all of your time thinking about how to fix something at work.
In regards to being a programmer, I cannot attest to that but I am a sys admin and I think we definitely tend to get wrapped up in our thoughts a lot. I have a really bad habit of losing myself for hours on end with work and that can be both a blessing and a problem at the same time. It is good when I need to focus on anything other than alcohol or something else that I don't want to think about. But, it can be really bad when you spend all of your time thinking about how to fix something at work.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
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I understand but I still think it's a cop out to go " this is just what people like me are like. It's not an excuse. I mean you have to grow or nothing happens. He even says he was not happy being alone working and binge drinking on weekends.
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