My Sister Told Me Interesting Story
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
My Sister Told Me Interesting Story
We had a mutual friend growing up who now lives in her car using drugs with another drug addict and estranged from her family. She had been doing so well with a previous husband but got taken down with this new guy.
It made me think. If she ends up ruining her life, people aren't going to necessarily blame this other guy for her misfortune, but they will blame her for choosing to use drugs.
Same with my husband and me. If my husband drags me down with him, people will still blame me for continuing to drink (when in reality, he was pulling me down with him when I was trying to reach out for help).
It made me think. If she ends up ruining her life, people aren't going to necessarily blame this other guy for her misfortune, but they will blame her for choosing to use drugs.
Same with my husband and me. If my husband drags me down with him, people will still blame me for continuing to drink (when in reality, he was pulling me down with him when I was trying to reach out for help).
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Oh he'll get blamed. People are responsible to a point for each other.
Generally it's obvious the best thing to do is not drink around someone who is trying to quit, a truly supportive partner would do that- I would do it anyway. I wouldn't eat something delicious in front of my boyfriend if he was dieting, that kind of thing.
Generally it's obvious the best thing to do is not drink around someone who is trying to quit, a truly supportive partner would do that- I would do it anyway. I wouldn't eat something delicious in front of my boyfriend if he was dieting, that kind of thing.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Originally Posted by QuietToday 
Take responsibility for yourself.
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 136
Originally Posted by Justbreathe1980
It's easier to take responsibility for yourself when other people are supportive and helpful. Yes, technically, we are all responsible for everything that happens to us, but other people can make our lives a lot easier.
Take responsibility.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Untangling ourselves from people that threaten our sobriety is easier said than done but untangle we must be. I avoid people places and things that move me away from sobriety like the plague
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Same with my husband and me. If my husband drags me down with him, people will still blame me for continuing to drink (when in reality, he was pulling me down with him when I was trying to reach out for help)."
I was in a very messed up relationship early in recovery. Chronic relapser. Although I didn't drink, I had absolutley no serenity until I finally ended it. Then I had a whole lotta anger. Good friend used to listen to me babble on quite a bit throwing blame. Then he got tired of hearing it.
" Tom, you've been whining, moaning, making excuses and blaming a whole lot. But who was it that allowed it to happen? Who allowed that behavior? Who kept making excuses why You didn't get into action sooner? Yer gonna have to stop blaming her because ya haven't at one time had chains on your ankles. Its all been on you."
So, just, who is allowing you to get dragged down?
Who put the bottle to your lips? Is your husband tieing you down and forcing it down Yur throat?
I had absolutley no one being supportive of me when I got sober, so saying ya need someone to be supportive is another excuse that's gonna lead ya back to a drink.
I really hope ya want to put in the footwork to get sober. It's an awesome life. It's going to require honesty and taking responsibility and accountability for your actions,though.
I was in a very messed up relationship early in recovery. Chronic relapser. Although I didn't drink, I had absolutley no serenity until I finally ended it. Then I had a whole lotta anger. Good friend used to listen to me babble on quite a bit throwing blame. Then he got tired of hearing it.
" Tom, you've been whining, moaning, making excuses and blaming a whole lot. But who was it that allowed it to happen? Who allowed that behavior? Who kept making excuses why You didn't get into action sooner? Yer gonna have to stop blaming her because ya haven't at one time had chains on your ankles. Its all been on you."
So, just, who is allowing you to get dragged down?
Who put the bottle to your lips? Is your husband tieing you down and forcing it down Yur throat?
I had absolutley no one being supportive of me when I got sober, so saying ya need someone to be supportive is another excuse that's gonna lead ya back to a drink.
I really hope ya want to put in the footwork to get sober. It's an awesome life. It's going to require honesty and taking responsibility and accountability for your actions,though.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i see your point and in the end your true friends will understand your circumstances.
It is tho just as selfish for you to expect him to give up his drink for you as it is for him to decide he's not going to give up his drink for you. The 2 of you need to come together on the decision or you have to put the blinders on and ignore his behavior if you want this bad enough you'll get it.
It reminds e of when one partner wants to go on a diet and the others bringing ice cream into the house or something and the one on the diet talks about how bad that is the temptation is too great.
temptation is on every corner theres no getting around it we have to learn how to function despite the temptation thats all around us.
When my wife dieted or something ove the years it was rare i cleaned up my diet for the sake of her temptations. Boy iheard all about how terrible i was how unsupportive i was for it. When i tried to clean up my act she also didnt bother keep those bad food choices out of the house or something. I remember over the years we'd try and quit smoking or quit smoking dope and we'd be each others own worst enemy. We'd quit for a day and both would chuckle and one would be like alright i'll go get the bong! and we'd give in and keep up the same routine.
When i straightened up I new what i was in for with my spouse. I prepared for that battle and despite the odds i pulled through. Lucky for my wife she never had a drinking problem. But shes been able to quit smoking now for years it just took one of us to take the first steps and be strong about it then the other can follow suit hopefully.
But at some point constantly falling down bcuase of your spouse tempting you etc.. is nothing more then another excuse.
It is tho just as selfish for you to expect him to give up his drink for you as it is for him to decide he's not going to give up his drink for you. The 2 of you need to come together on the decision or you have to put the blinders on and ignore his behavior if you want this bad enough you'll get it.
It reminds e of when one partner wants to go on a diet and the others bringing ice cream into the house or something and the one on the diet talks about how bad that is the temptation is too great.
temptation is on every corner theres no getting around it we have to learn how to function despite the temptation thats all around us.
When my wife dieted or something ove the years it was rare i cleaned up my diet for the sake of her temptations. Boy iheard all about how terrible i was how unsupportive i was for it. When i tried to clean up my act she also didnt bother keep those bad food choices out of the house or something. I remember over the years we'd try and quit smoking or quit smoking dope and we'd be each others own worst enemy. We'd quit for a day and both would chuckle and one would be like alright i'll go get the bong! and we'd give in and keep up the same routine.
When i straightened up I new what i was in for with my spouse. I prepared for that battle and despite the odds i pulled through. Lucky for my wife she never had a drinking problem. But shes been able to quit smoking now for years it just took one of us to take the first steps and be strong about it then the other can follow suit hopefully.
But at some point constantly falling down bcuase of your spouse tempting you etc.. is nothing more then another excuse.
Recognizes the Beast
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: In the kitchen, cooking up a storm
Posts: 704
All I can tell you Quiet, is I know I was able to get sober when I finally realized, I needed to be responsible for my health. NOBODY else could do that for me. As much as my wife, my parents loved me, the couldn't do that. In fact, as unhealthy as it is, they probably would if they could, but they COULDN'T. They just couldn't, my health was on me, and nobody else.
Once I accepted responsibility for that, I found myself taking responsibility for a lot of other different areas of my life, kind of like it was contangious. Anyways, probably not the advice you're looking for, but it's what worked for me.
Once I accepted responsibility for that, I found myself taking responsibility for a lot of other different areas of my life, kind of like it was contangious. Anyways, probably not the advice you're looking for, but it's what worked for me.
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