LilyMarie

I've been on this forum for what, like, four years, and I still keep slipping back into my old ways.
After trying and failing again and again and again, I saw a new doctor today who prescribed me Campral, scheduled another appt. with me in two weeks in order to check in, and supplied me with more information than I probably could have ever found online in regards to one-on-one therapy (because there's obviously a bigger reason as to why I keep going back to booze), outpatient treatment and support. She spent over 1.5 hours with me, documenting and asking me pretty much everything that's ever happened in my life. AKA: I feel like she's a person who actually CARES about her patients.
I've been going to SMART meetings for the past few months, and while they're right up my alley, it obviously is taking a bit more to get me on the right track.
I walked out of that office today feeling as if I had a 1K weight taken from my shoulders.
My fingers and toes are crossed that this time I can really make it stick.

Best wishes to all of you. <3

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a very productive meeting to me Lily, glad you have found someone who understand you. It took me a long time too, and I'm still finding out things about myself even after a couple of years of sobriety that I need to work on.

Best wishes to you as well to find a solution and the motivation to make this be "the" time for you.

LilyMarie

Thank you, Scott.

Boleo

Bottoms (aka enough is enough) seem to be an inside job. Some people just need to wake up with an hangover to decide they have had enough. Other people need to wake up with a cell-mate.

zjw

never give up trying it will eventually stick

"why i keep going back to booze"

I know that one for me I was self medicating then i was addicted and still self medicating. It was a vicous self defeating cycle. as the booze only made it better while i was drunk really and even that started to stop working. Actually dealing with life and whatever ailed me was just too much to bear once i sobered up so i'd just go get drunk again. The drinking made me more depressed made life even worse but I did not blame the booze. IN my mind it was never the booze.

In the end it was the booze. What started off as fun and self medicating became a vicous problem and fake solution all wrapped in one bottle.

cejay

Enough is when we (individually) decide that it is, enough and stop justifying our behavior.

In my case, I have become an expert in justifying my drinking behavior which has resulted in this multi-year relapse being multi-year. (After almost 3 yrs of sobriety)

My list of "not yets" is long enough but it won't last forever if I keep drinking. (Not yet arrested, not yet embarrassed at a work event with this employer, not yet DUI, etc. (you get the picture))

Recently I've decided to realize my behavior for what it is and to take a harsher stance with myself and more factual view of my actual behavior, seeing things as they really are, being very blunt, so to speak.

I have to choose to either keep on drinking this way which is a destructive path for me, with so many looming issues, or, I can take corrective action and remain sober, resuming the life I had a few years ago that I long for.

So that is my stance, hopefully you take something positive from it.

CJ.

LilyMarie

Thanks to all for the thoughtful responses. Very much appreciated and giving me a lot of things to further ponder.
Happy Wednesday!

skg

When the pain of the solution becomes more desirable than the pain of the insanity.