Why one drink derails the healing process? PAWS
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 10
Why one drink derails the healing process? PAWS
What happens when you haven't drank anything for awhile and you take that "first" drink? I've read that you have to start the healing process all over again. I'm not talking about that one drink leading to heavily drinking again, but just what it does to the brain and why it derails the healing process? I've read this, but haven't read why.
It's only been 6 weeks since my last drink, but it seems like months. I guess I'm telling myself "what will it hurt if I drink a little?" or even that it might help these PAWS symptoms. I know the chances of a setback are almost certain as far as the drinking goes, but I am wanting to know what it does to the brain and the healing process. It's soooo hard to imagine feeling this way for a year or two!
It's only been 6 weeks since my last drink, but it seems like months. I guess I'm telling myself "what will it hurt if I drink a little?" or even that it might help these PAWS symptoms. I know the chances of a setback are almost certain as far as the drinking goes, but I am wanting to know what it does to the brain and the healing process. It's soooo hard to imagine feeling this way for a year or two!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I don't think there is a scientific or definitive answer as to "why" this happens, everyone is different. Even PAWS isn't really fully understood, some people get it and some don't.
What would worry me far more would be why you are thinking about drinking a little. It's never "just a little" or "just a few" for an alcoholic - that is a fact we have known for quite some time.
What would worry me far more would be why you are thinking about drinking a little. It's never "just a little" or "just a few" for an alcoholic - that is a fact we have known for quite some time.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
You won't feel this way for a year or two! 
PAWS severity and frequency of symptoms reduces over time, and 6 weeks isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things (how many years did you drink?). Drinking now will set you back, maybe not to zero but it will be a setback for brain healing, which is where PAWS comes from. If you stay the course, it will get better.
PAWS severity and frequency of symptoms reduces over time, and 6 weeks isn't all that long in the grand scheme of things (how many years did you drink?). Drinking now will set you back, maybe not to zero but it will be a setback for brain healing, which is where PAWS comes from. If you stay the course, it will get better. Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by LindaIam 
I guess I'm telling myself "what will it hurt if I drink a little?"
Yes, I'm a drunk (town drunk) who just for today will not fool himself into thinking that he can have just one drink.
Mountainman
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Your brain and central nervous system are attacked, and eventually leveled by an alien invader, alcohol. You then putter along at a snail's space for months and years, unable to accelerate no matter how hard you try, which leads to a near-complete standstill.
You put down the drink -- the aliens are beaten off -- and then rebuilding begins. Your brain and CNS have become unfamiliar with functioning without these externally imposed restrictions. They go nuts in their efforts to rebuild, repair and restart. Your physiology and biology are now flying at the speed of light. PAWS ensues. The mad rush to make things as they were is too much for us, so we suffer the inevitable symptoms of repair and regrowth. Time is needed in order to do a good job, and the workers become restless, even despairing. Patience, now in very short supply, is needed.
Over time, we may think that it wasn't so bad living under the supression of the aliens. "At least I didn't have to go through all this suffering and do all this work...they did it for me. They also told me what to do, made me feel disgusted with myself, and took away everything dear to me in life, but I didn't have to worry about things like being happy."
So we invite the aliens back at a time when we're feverishly rebuilding. We slam the breaks on our progress while driving at one hundred miles per hour. And the devastation recurs, only this time, the work seems harder, and hope dims as we struggle to get back to the progress we achieved in the absence of alcohol. Each time the invaders return, we face an increasingly daunting task to rebuild, our enthusiasm tempered and our patience challenged in the extreme, while the damage only gets worse.
You put down the drink -- the aliens are beaten off -- and then rebuilding begins. Your brain and CNS have become unfamiliar with functioning without these externally imposed restrictions. They go nuts in their efforts to rebuild, repair and restart. Your physiology and biology are now flying at the speed of light. PAWS ensues. The mad rush to make things as they were is too much for us, so we suffer the inevitable symptoms of repair and regrowth. Time is needed in order to do a good job, and the workers become restless, even despairing. Patience, now in very short supply, is needed.
Over time, we may think that it wasn't so bad living under the supression of the aliens. "At least I didn't have to go through all this suffering and do all this work...they did it for me. They also told me what to do, made me feel disgusted with myself, and took away everything dear to me in life, but I didn't have to worry about things like being happy."
So we invite the aliens back at a time when we're feverishly rebuilding. We slam the breaks on our progress while driving at one hundred miles per hour. And the devastation recurs, only this time, the work seems harder, and hope dims as we struggle to get back to the progress we achieved in the absence of alcohol. Each time the invaders return, we face an increasingly daunting task to rebuild, our enthusiasm tempered and our patience challenged in the extreme, while the damage only gets worse.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
Your brain and central nervous system are attacked, and eventually leveled by an alien invader, alcohol. You then putter along at a snail's space for months and years, unable to accelerate no matter how hard you try, which leads to a near-complete standstill.
You put down the drink -- the aliens are beaten off -- and then rebuilding begins. Your brain and CNS have become unfamiliar with functioning without these externally imposed restrictions. They go nuts in their efforts to rebuild, repair and restart. Your physiology and biology are now flying at the speed of light. PAWS ensues. The mad rush to make things as they were is too much for us, so we suffer the inevitable symptoms of repair and regrowth. Time is needed in order to do a good job, and the workers become restless, even despairing. Patience, now in very short supply, is needed.
Over time, we may think that it wasn't so bad living under the supression of the aliens. "At least I didn't have to go through all this suffering and do all this work...they did it for me. They also told me what to do, made me feel disgusted with myself, and took away everything dear to me in life, but I didn't have to worry about things like being happy."
So we invite the aliens back at a time when we're feverishly rebuilding. We slam the breaks on our progress while driving at one hundred miles per hour. And the devastation recurs, only this time, the work seems harder, and hope dims as we struggle to get back to the progress we achieved in the absence of alcohol. Each time the invaders return, we face an increasingly daunting task to rebuild, our enthusiasm tempered and our patience challenged in the extreme, while the damage only gets worse.
You put down the drink -- the aliens are beaten off -- and then rebuilding begins. Your brain and CNS have become unfamiliar with functioning without these externally imposed restrictions. They go nuts in their efforts to rebuild, repair and restart. Your physiology and biology are now flying at the speed of light. PAWS ensues. The mad rush to make things as they were is too much for us, so we suffer the inevitable symptoms of repair and regrowth. Time is needed in order to do a good job, and the workers become restless, even despairing. Patience, now in very short supply, is needed.
Over time, we may think that it wasn't so bad living under the supression of the aliens. "At least I didn't have to go through all this suffering and do all this work...they did it for me. They also told me what to do, made me feel disgusted with myself, and took away everything dear to me in life, but I didn't have to worry about things like being happy."
So we invite the aliens back at a time when we're feverishly rebuilding. We slam the breaks on our progress while driving at one hundred miles per hour. And the devastation recurs, only this time, the work seems harder, and hope dims as we struggle to get back to the progress we achieved in the absence of alcohol. Each time the invaders return, we face an increasingly daunting task to rebuild, our enthusiasm tempered and our patience challenged in the extreme, while the damage only gets worse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 10
Thanks for the awesome analogy EndGameNYC!
On top of alcohol abuse, I have taken SSRI's and Trazadone (still using but at a lower dose) for sleep for decades. I feel they have probably did more damage to my brain than the alcohol. With or without alcohol, I am in a constant state of depression and brain fog. I have no motivation and no Joy..........for as long as I can remember. I don't think I actually "became an alcoholic" until the last 3 or 4 years. I I drink alone and rarely get drunk. Even if I was drinking around family, I'm pretty sure no one knew for the most part. Sometimes I'd hide the fact and sometimes not.
The past year I have gotten up to drinking two 1.75 liter in about a month with less and less time in between before going for more. I know that I am headed toward drinking more and more if I continue. For one thing it takes a lot more to feel the calming effects.
Nobody knows that I have crossed the line from just drinking to being an alcoholic. I believe at this point I can honestly........for the first time......say I'm an alcoholic. The past few years there have been many, many, more days drinking than not.
I have PTSD and Dysthmia (chronic low grade depression) with bouts of major depression, since I was 14, if not before that. I lived a very sheltered life with religion used as a means of control by mom and physical abuse from dad. Mental abuse and emotional neglect from both.
Just thought I'd share a little about my problems. I guess I should post this in the newcomers section now that I've written it. I don't think I can get through this alone and I DO feel soooooooo alone!! Thanks for sharing the links.
On top of alcohol abuse, I have taken SSRI's and Trazadone (still using but at a lower dose) for sleep for decades. I feel they have probably did more damage to my brain than the alcohol. With or without alcohol, I am in a constant state of depression and brain fog. I have no motivation and no Joy..........for as long as I can remember. I don't think I actually "became an alcoholic" until the last 3 or 4 years. I I drink alone and rarely get drunk. Even if I was drinking around family, I'm pretty sure no one knew for the most part. Sometimes I'd hide the fact and sometimes not.
The past year I have gotten up to drinking two 1.75 liter in about a month with less and less time in between before going for more. I know that I am headed toward drinking more and more if I continue. For one thing it takes a lot more to feel the calming effects.
Nobody knows that I have crossed the line from just drinking to being an alcoholic. I believe at this point I can honestly........for the first time......say I'm an alcoholic. The past few years there have been many, many, more days drinking than not.
I have PTSD and Dysthmia (chronic low grade depression) with bouts of major depression, since I was 14, if not before that. I lived a very sheltered life with religion used as a means of control by mom and physical abuse from dad. Mental abuse and emotional neglect from both.
Just thought I'd share a little about my problems. I guess I should post this in the newcomers section now that I've written it. I don't think I can get through this alone and I DO feel soooooooo alone!! Thanks for sharing the links.
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
There may be some truth in this but all I can tell you is what happens to me. If I start to drink, just say one glass of wine, then another the next day or whatever, then gradually I be back full on drinking, eventually. Not even that long, say, a couple of weeks. It's like I don't have an "off" switch.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Kyoto
Posts: 81
Undoing progress
This won't be popular, but here goes.
I think that the recovery community, like any other group with an ideology, sometimes falls victim to promoting the ideology because of the functionality of it instead of the truthfulness of it.
Because I've been suffering so acutely with PAWS, I've scoured the internet for information on it. In my travels, I've come across quite a few sites that say "If you take one drink, you'll undo all your efforts". I'm not a doctor, but it seems fairly intuitive to me that we got into this by bombarding our brains with alcohol day after day, drink upon drink, and one drink will not undo months of healing.
Now, is it a good idea? Well, that depends on you. Are you like the majority of us who can't just do one drink and call it a night? Well, then you're probably playing with fire, and that one drink may lead you to drinking enough so that it really does undo your progress. But there is no way to say for sure until you try that drink. The cost-benefit analysis seems to fall pretty heavily on the cost side to me. But hey, I'm not you.
As with PAWS and recovery, it is different for everybody, and I think the scare tactics are sometimes a bit much. I think people stand behind them because they think it is better for people to be sober under a misapprehension than telling them the truth and have them go back to drinking. Personally, I think there is enough to be fear about drinking that hyping up the negative effects of alcohol isn't really necessary.
For me, I don't think it's the truth. But I'm not going to be the one to prove it wrong.
I think that the recovery community, like any other group with an ideology, sometimes falls victim to promoting the ideology because of the functionality of it instead of the truthfulness of it.
Because I've been suffering so acutely with PAWS, I've scoured the internet for information on it. In my travels, I've come across quite a few sites that say "If you take one drink, you'll undo all your efforts". I'm not a doctor, but it seems fairly intuitive to me that we got into this by bombarding our brains with alcohol day after day, drink upon drink, and one drink will not undo months of healing.
Now, is it a good idea? Well, that depends on you. Are you like the majority of us who can't just do one drink and call it a night? Well, then you're probably playing with fire, and that one drink may lead you to drinking enough so that it really does undo your progress. But there is no way to say for sure until you try that drink. The cost-benefit analysis seems to fall pretty heavily on the cost side to me. But hey, I'm not you.
As with PAWS and recovery, it is different for everybody, and I think the scare tactics are sometimes a bit much. I think people stand behind them because they think it is better for people to be sober under a misapprehension than telling them the truth and have them go back to drinking. Personally, I think there is enough to be fear about drinking that hyping up the negative effects of alcohol isn't really necessary.
For me, I don't think it's the truth. But I'm not going to be the one to prove it wrong.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I think it's easy to underestimate the depression and mental anguish of i've done it again!" or maybe even worse, these would race through my head if I had a drink:
wow. I really CAN'T quit
What is wrong with me?
Oh my god, not again
I'm hopeless
Another gin and tonic bartender, please......
It would damage my psychological healing more than my physical healing. I would be devastated if I drank again. All of my sober muscles and new habits flushed down the toilet. Is it really worth one drink? I'd be more concerned about blackouts, damaged relationships, and losing trust than I would be about the paws.
Believe me, I hear you about not knowing if you can feel like this for two years. Could you imagine drinking for two more years? Two more years of blackouts, hangovers, and general feelings of doom?
wow. I really CAN'T quit
What is wrong with me?
Oh my god, not again
I'm hopeless
Another gin and tonic bartender, please......
It would damage my psychological healing more than my physical healing. I would be devastated if I drank again. All of my sober muscles and new habits flushed down the toilet. Is it really worth one drink? I'd be more concerned about blackouts, damaged relationships, and losing trust than I would be about the paws.
Believe me, I hear you about not knowing if you can feel like this for two years. Could you imagine drinking for two more years? Two more years of blackouts, hangovers, and general feelings of doom?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
The thing is, it wouldn't be just a drink. I don't know about you but by the time I actually found this website, registered, and logged in, I was pretty far down the path of alcoholism.
I really really did not want to look for a site like this let alone join one. That meant that something was terribly wrong and I was kinda sorta acknowledging it by even browsing.
I will just speak for myself but that is why I could never go back to thinking I could just have one drink. It would not be one drink it would probably be 10 to 12 drinks only because my tolerance is lower now but boy would I get back my tolerance quickly.
I really really did not want to look for a site like this let alone join one. That meant that something was terribly wrong and I was kinda sorta acknowledging it by even browsing.
I will just speak for myself but that is why I could never go back to thinking I could just have one drink. It would not be one drink it would probably be 10 to 12 drinks only because my tolerance is lower now but boy would I get back my tolerance quickly.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
scare tactics? nope - just experience.
Originally Posted by ttamelbon
This won't be popular, but here goes.
I think that the recovery community, like any other group with an ideology, sometimes falls victim to promoting the ideology because of the functionality of it instead of the truthfulness of it.
Because I've been suffering so acutely with PAWS, I've scoured the internet for information on it. In my travels, I've come across quite a few sites that say "If you take one drink, you'll undo all your efforts". I'm not a doctor, but it seems fairly intuitive to me that we got into this by bombarding our brains with alcohol day after day, drink upon drink, and one drink will not undo months of healing.
Now, is it a good idea? Well, that depends on you. Are you like the majority of us who can't just do one drink and call it a night? Well, then you're probably playing with fire, and that one drink may lead you to drinking enough so that it really does undo your progress. But there is no way to say for sure until you try that drink. The cost-benefit analysis seems to fall pretty heavily on the cost side to me. But hey, I'm not you.
As with PAWS and recovery, it is different for everybody, and I think the scare tactics are sometimes a bit much. I think people stand behind them because they think it is better for people to be sober under a misapprehension than telling them the truth and have them go back to drinking. Personally, I think there is enough to be fear about drinking that hyping up the negative effects of alcohol isn't really necessary.
For me, I don't think it's the truth. But I'm not going to be the one to prove it wrong.
I think that the recovery community, like any other group with an ideology, sometimes falls victim to promoting the ideology because of the functionality of it instead of the truthfulness of it.
Because I've been suffering so acutely with PAWS, I've scoured the internet for information on it. In my travels, I've come across quite a few sites that say "If you take one drink, you'll undo all your efforts". I'm not a doctor, but it seems fairly intuitive to me that we got into this by bombarding our brains with alcohol day after day, drink upon drink, and one drink will not undo months of healing.
Now, is it a good idea? Well, that depends on you. Are you like the majority of us who can't just do one drink and call it a night? Well, then you're probably playing with fire, and that one drink may lead you to drinking enough so that it really does undo your progress. But there is no way to say for sure until you try that drink. The cost-benefit analysis seems to fall pretty heavily on the cost side to me. But hey, I'm not you.
As with PAWS and recovery, it is different for everybody, and I think the scare tactics are sometimes a bit much. I think people stand behind them because they think it is better for people to be sober under a misapprehension than telling them the truth and have them go back to drinking. Personally, I think there is enough to be fear about drinking that hyping up the negative effects of alcohol isn't really necessary.
For me, I don't think it's the truth. But I'm not going to be the one to prove it wrong.
the 'one drink' thing is a moot point because I never drank that way - ever.
I'm not aligned to any recovery methodology or group - but I know what I've experienced.
D
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
It took 6 weeks for me for the first round of heavy depression to start to lift. I drank about 3 drinks at around 90 days. It didn't put me back to square one but I was sick and depressed again for 3 days afterward. I also had very pronounced PAWS episodes. I had 3 such episodes. If my 4 was actually my 4 I should have only had 1 more. So maybe what I call 4 months was actually the 3, then the 4, then the 6. It's hard to tell because while most of us follow a pattern it can still be individual.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
OK, so maybe it’s not literally and strictly true that “one drink will undo all your efforts.” It probably takes more than “one drink,” at least for most people. My thought is, so what? If you’re an alcoholic — and experiencing PAWS-type symptoms is a pretty good indicator that you are — then “one drink” is a fantasy. At best it’s pointless, and at worst it’s unachievable.
Even if the saying isn’t literally true, the substance behind it is. It’s just a convenient shorthand for saying “If you’re experiencing PAWS, don’t drink again because even a relatively small amount of alcohol — the exact amount can’t be predicted because it varies considerably according to the individual, but for the sake of simplicity and clarity, let’s call it ‘one drink’ — can undo all your efforts."
Even if the saying isn’t literally true, the substance behind it is. It’s just a convenient shorthand for saying “If you’re experiencing PAWS, don’t drink again because even a relatively small amount of alcohol — the exact amount can’t be predicted because it varies considerably according to the individual, but for the sake of simplicity and clarity, let’s call it ‘one drink’ — can undo all your efforts."
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Loved Endgames ideas.
In addition for me it was a mental breakdown. Some kind of split with reality. Alcohol had been calling so forcefully for so long that one drink toppled off of the razors edge I'd been walking. One drink brought me back to my lovers embrace even though my lover wanted me dead
In addition for me it was a mental breakdown. Some kind of split with reality. Alcohol had been calling so forcefully for so long that one drink toppled off of the razors edge I'd been walking. One drink brought me back to my lovers embrace even though my lover wanted me dead
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
That one drink I had when I relapsed -- which then lasted for about three years -- did more than initiate withdrawals that were perceptibly worse than my first go-round with sobriety, but it changed (confirmed, really) my perception of my relationship with alcohol and who I believed myself to be. Acts of bad faith on my part, that included my thinking, were measured in years prior to my picking up the first drink.
The initial burn was both exquisitely painful and gratifying in the extreme. I knew that the burn would "improve" over time, and that I'd be able to put a halt to things were I to lose control. After all, I hadn't had a drink for twenty five years prior to my new "first drink." Surely, and with all the knowledge and experience I'd acquired over time, I'd be able to simply help myself if help were what I needed. (Shouldn't I be the best judge of that? Isn't it true that I know myself, in every regard, better than anyone else? Don't I have a right to such delusions?) I had little doubt that I'd learned how to drink safely (without any experience to confirm this) and, with the occasional bender thrown in, I'd be satisfied with drinking at a more acceptable level. It wasn't an attempt to moderate my drinking, but the conviction that I wouldn't need to drink to excess after having not had a drink for so long that drove my delusions.
When I read or hear these same comments now, my head explodes. We may use different words, experience it under different circumstances, or predict different outcomes, but we are not at all as different as we may claim to be or believe ourselves to be when it comes to the fractured thought processes that lead to and accompany our return to drinking.
We find thousands of ways to lie to ourselves in order to accommodate our drinking. And it's the lying that kills.
The initial burn was both exquisitely painful and gratifying in the extreme. I knew that the burn would "improve" over time, and that I'd be able to put a halt to things were I to lose control. After all, I hadn't had a drink for twenty five years prior to my new "first drink." Surely, and with all the knowledge and experience I'd acquired over time, I'd be able to simply help myself if help were what I needed. (Shouldn't I be the best judge of that? Isn't it true that I know myself, in every regard, better than anyone else? Don't I have a right to such delusions?) I had little doubt that I'd learned how to drink safely (without any experience to confirm this) and, with the occasional bender thrown in, I'd be satisfied with drinking at a more acceptable level. It wasn't an attempt to moderate my drinking, but the conviction that I wouldn't need to drink to excess after having not had a drink for so long that drove my delusions.
When I read or hear these same comments now, my head explodes. We may use different words, experience it under different circumstances, or predict different outcomes, but we are not at all as different as we may claim to be or believe ourselves to be when it comes to the fractured thought processes that lead to and accompany our return to drinking.
We find thousands of ways to lie to ourselves in order to accommodate our drinking. And it's the lying that kills.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I've understood for a long time that my biggest risk long-term, many years down the road, is exactly that sort of thought process. Maybe I'd stop myself quickly, maybe I'd go on a years-long bad trip, maybe I'd die like Philip Seymour Hoffman, I don't know. And I have no interest in finding out, since there is nothing to learn and no wisdom in finding out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
I don't think my thinking toward alcohol was ever normal. If I took even one drink it meant I was a drinker and could have as much as I wanted as often as I wanted. There was this thing where I always thought "You screwed up anyhow, you might as well go all the way with it". In looking back it was a very strange way to think about it, why did it have to be all or nothing at all? I tried many times to make the moderation thing work but it never lasted very long.
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