JensDestiny

I really think that I could get some benefit from AA... if I weren't so dang introverted and shy. I have been sober for almost a year and I know that there are parts of my sobriety that could be easier if I had friends or socialized a bit more.

Don't get me wrong, I feel amazing and almost every aspect of my life is better without alcohol. I have absolutely zero desire to ever go back to the place that I was before... I just wish that I had more friends and/or people in my life that could relate to me.

Just throwing around some thoughts that are bouncing in my head. Hope everyone has a great day!

least

Call the AA hotline in your area and tell them you want to go to a meeting but are too shy to go on your own. They can arrange for someone to meet you there and get you thru your first meeting.

Everyone at the meeting had a 'first meeting' too. They are all there for the same reason. Don't be afraid to go.

Boleo

At my first meeting, I feared I would run into no one just like me.

By my 20th meeting, I feared that I would run into too many people just like me.

zjw

what is normal? I'm getting better at accepting myself.

But I can relate to your post. I'm the same way at an AA meeting. and I do know one person there and when i tried to talk to this person it was like i had the plague. I saw another one in public once and said hi and asked how they where doing (i really came out of my shell here) and again i was avoided like the plague.

as a result I cant seem to meet anyone local I have no friends etc.. I have 1 friend I regularly speak with that I met on this board a while back but thats it.

Last time at AA when I left once again striking out at my futile attempts to be social i thought what should i expect out of a room full of folks that may or may not have socialization issues just like me? and I shrugged my shoulders and went home.

I dont like a "social life" I dont like having friend(s). But it sure would be nice to have a few local friends I could go do something with now and then or someone who understands.

For me I'm accepting of it anymore. I'm in the situation i'm in for whatever reason.

Gottalife

I was thinking what is normal too" I am normal for me, you are normal for you, and what is normal for either of us will change as we continue to grow in sobriety.

I had to be taken to my first meeting. It was weeks before I spoke, or before I could say the serenity prayer without having to read it off the wall. I was full of fear, always sat down the back and tried to stay out of the line of sight of the chair. That was how I felt in a room full of people who were friendly and cared about me.

I took those steps you hear about and the result was a complete change of personality. I lost the crippling fear and over time managed to rejoin the human race. I did not have to hide in AA.

Today I am sitting on my boat in Noumea. I have been here nearly two weeks. There is no AA, and I have not met any recovered alcoholics. But I have made many new friends among the other cruisers, we've been helping each other out in various ways, we socialise, Not all are english speaking, there are plenty of French, and some German, Dutch, Russian and Polish and I am happy to be a part of this community. I don't think anyone has noticed that I don't drink.

This is normal for me today. So far different from where I started this journey

IOAA2

Hi.
This thing called normal has much dysfunction attached if one observes the public at large.

I’d prefer to use the word healthy mentally and emotionally, like I’m comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
Alcohol has done a number on many of us and it takes time and work to become comfortable as long as we don’t have the first drink.

BE WELL

Fly N Buy

Jen - we are classmates maybe?? My sobriety date is 6/9/14 - yours???

I have seen folks come into the rooms of ** who are introverted and blossom in time. I think that is the part of becoming trusting and comfortable in our own skin.

If you have an inkling to go to ** please don' t let your current shyness stop you. As Least posted - have somebody meet you there or go with you.

For that matter go to an open meeting and take someone you know, perhaps.

Hope you'll find a way.........see you in the rooms Jen!!

paulokes

I can definitely relate Jen...for quite a while in AA, I felt a little uncomfortable watching new folks come in and make friends in just a few weeks while I still struggled to 'get over myself'.

I came out of my shell though. The truth for me to remember is some people were outgoing BEFORE they took a drink, and some of us weren't...some drank in bars and some drank alone but Introversion isn't a dirty word and it doesn't have to be a barrier to recovery!

https://alcoholicintrovert.wordpress.../fair-warning/

https://alcoholicintrovert.wordpress...your-own-skin/

P

JensDestiny

Thank you all very much for your thoughtful and kind words. I have really been putting more genuine effort into opening up and being less afraid to talk to people. I have definitely been introverted my entire life and was totally an isolation drinker but I really feel like that may be, in part, why I drank to begin with? I am not really sure what the root cause was.

Flynbuy - Yes, we are most certainly classmates! My sober date is 6/6/14. I cannot believe that it has been almost an entire year already! Yet, it feels like an eternity at the same time.

Fly N Buy

Jen - I know, time is Fly N By
Nice to bump into you!

Iconoclastic

JensDestiny writes>>> I really think that I could get some benefit from AA... if I weren't so dang introverted and shy.<<<

Based on what you’ve shared about your sobriety, not only do I think you could benefit from AA, but you would have a LOT to offer others in the AA fellowship / meetings, especially if you share what you honestly shared here at SR.

People that have commonality are more likely to socialize, that’s one of the contributing aspects for recovery that the AA fellowship can offer. Believe me, I’ve been attending AA meetings for many years and there are a lot people like you’ve described yourself.

From the outside, a person who is introverted is viewed in much the same way as someone who is shy. It’s not uncommon that the two characteristics exist in the same person. However, Bill Gates is quiet and bookish, but apparently unfazed by others' opinions of him: he's an introvert, but not shy. Barbara Streisand has an outgoing, larger than life personality, but a paralyzing case of stage fright: she's a shy extrovert. Shyness and introversion are not the same thing.

Even though both are different, I submit that both were successful due to their ability take action by facing the risks and rejections of life. Considering the amount of rejection, both of their professions are risky, especially a performing artist like Barbra Streisand.

tomsteve

You want to be normal???? That's the most insane thing I've ever heard!!LOL
Normal people scre me!
In high school my nickname was shyboy.one reason I drank was to loosen up when I went out to parties and/ or around crowds.
When I got into AA and started working the steps- started lookin at what made me tick- I learned I wasn't shy. I was full of fear and had low self esteem. I was so dammed concerned about others opinion of me and even back then (actually this started before high school) My own opinion wasnt very high or positive of myself.
and learned I am an introvert. I thought it was a terrible thing at first. Until I talked to a few others in AA that are also introverts. It really isn't a bad thing. We have some pretty dam good qualities others don't.
And today, 10 years into recovery, I can count on one had my true friends. I know a lot of people and would help anyone, but I only have a few true friends.
And I'm ok with that. It's all I want or need.
Today I can still occasionally have a problem walking into a meeting. But thats where the program helps me get in there. And I'm amazed at every new meeting I go to. It doesn't take long to hear people just like me.
And I don't socialize , with large crowds, much. It drains me bad.
And I'm ok with it.

Ya know, something crazy....or maybe a blessing.... Is when I go to a new meeting, not long after showing up and the meeting starts, I will feel I'm home.
sometimes the meetings have some crazy people in them, just like home!

paulokes

Tom...all of this is my experience too.

P

MIRecovery

What I love about AA is you are totally excepted as you are not the way you think you should be

JensDestiny

Your words of encouragement are truly helpful and very nice to hear. I have some self esteem issues that I need to work on as well but that will, hopefully, get better in time.

Maybe I will try another AA meeting sometime over the weekend and venture out of my comfort zone a bit.

Berrybean

I know plenty of shy people at AA. I got to know them by turning up early and staying after meetings to help set up and pack away. They tend to come out of their shells a little when they have a practical task to do. Perhaps that would help you as well? When you're washing cups up or setting out chairs it takes away some of the pressure for prolonged eye contact, or too much personal info before you're comfortable with hearing or giving it.

As another poster said, if you contact in advance someone can meet you before the meeting starts so you don't need to walk in alone.

My experience has been that there are generally lots of friendly and welcoming people at AA. Not everyone - some people are going through a hard time (or perhaps are fairly new themselves) so may be a little hesitant to engage sometimes.

You know, there is no pressure on you to say anything in the meeting if you prefer not to. You can just listen until you're comfortable / want to share. (Probably once you've got to know / trust some people and are used to the whole set up - it can seen a little alien at first, but because it's always the same kind of format everywhere, we can soon get used to it).

Good luck.

greens

There's a huge difference between shy and introverted which I think is important to note, especially when it comes to aa attendance, actually, fun fact: the majority of shy ppl are actually extroverts.
have u considered online meetings, or things like thst? I don't know if aa has them but I knew ppl in na did.

greens

Oh yea, and if it makes you feel any better, I don't think I spoke up at meetings until 6 months sober it was fine for me, just my path. I had to take things at my own pace

JensDestiny

I had gone to a couple of AA meetings in my hometown about a year before getting sober. Granted, I haven't tried any other meetings and I had gone to the "same" meeting (time/place) both times. It seemed, at the time anyway, that the folks in that particular meeting were unfriendly and quite unwelcoming. However, that could have been my perception since I was still drinking at the time or maybe I should have just tried a different meeting all together. I think if I drive to a larger city, I might have better chances of making some friends. *There were probably 8-10 people total at the meeting that I went to a couple of years ago.

tomsteve

Could have been your perception while still under the influence. Could have been expectations. Or could have. Been simply they weren't welcoming.
I'd suggest hitting different meetings. I notice different meetings can have a different atmosphere. Some are pretty wild and crazy and some have seriously awesome sobriety.