sleepie

My appointment is now Saturday.... so nervous.
This is for the doctor for getting off benzos which will be my final hurdle to being free of all alcohol/drugs. If I can get on a schedule to wean off of them I should be ok and finally begin a healing process if it's not too late.
I'm only five or six days into quitting alcohol and I'm afraid to mention it because I'm sure he'll think I am just drug seeking.

The whole thing just makes me nervous. I had such a fail with that awful counselor last year, the one who referred to me as deficient after I showed him tests and we determined I have a learning disorder, and wouldn't apologize.

I just want off this s*** so I can entertain the idea that someday I'll be okay.

RobbyRobot

Best hopes for Saturday (((sleepie)))

least

I hope it goes well.

Jeni26

Sleepie, I'm not a Doctor or an expert in anything really, I just wanted to send you a hug and tell you that for someone with a 'learning disorder', your posts are wonderfully expressed and written. I'm not sure what you are diagnosed with exactly, but I'm a teacher, and from all the way over here it seems you have an intelligence that I hope you can recognise and value .

I hope you can find the right help you need and begin to see yourself in a more positive light.

Hugs x

zjw

I hate that. I've never been 100% honest with the doc because of that^ I think it really boils down to how good of a doctor you do you got? I think a good one you can and should be very forthcoming. Some? you gotta manage your care a little yourself sometimes or seek a new one. I think?

Keep moving forward and you will. Your doing good. Remember its more about the journey then the destination. Try and welcome the ups and downs and learn from them that way when you reach the destination you will be able to hold on to it and appreciate it better. This is all assuming we ever really reach the destination I like to think I'm still on the journey but I know the things i've learned thus far help me from back sliding.

sleepie

Thanks guys!

Non verbal learning disorder. I spoke with neuropsychologist also, and though she agreed with me she said my tests from high school wouldn't suffice and I'd require hours of testing at the cost of several thousand dollars-unless I was insured. So lots to think about there...

This is the final time I want to do this. I was so, so close to being free of it all this time last year.

Carrie1974

Good luck sleepie

GroundhogDay

I did some reading about nonverbal learning disorder (NLD). If you are pretty sure that would be your diagnosis, why not learn as much as you can about the coping strategies?

I found an interesting article by a PhD scientist with NLD talking about the four stages he went through of acceptance of his NLD: The Stages of Acceptance of Non-Verbal Learning Disability: How I Came to Terms with My NLD by Peter Flom » LDExperience

sleepie

Thanks Groundhog day. I've read the Peter Flomm article, awhile back. Not to be snarky, but of course I have searched for coping mechanisms. There is no treatment. There is nothing really written about the disorder that is helpful, especially for adults.
I have read everything I can about the disorder, discovered a favorite author who has it, and a blogger who has it (who I wrote to, to no response). Also I wrote to a national organization for learning disorders, again to no response.

I have posted it in another forum but I will post it again here because I think it is good to know...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk7inZOfv7M

sleepie

So much of this describes me, I searched for years before this was found, I cried. I truly thought I was hopeless. Most of what is written about the disorder is very dire- including failed jobs, addiction and suicide attempts. All of which I have experienced.

sleepie

Attempt singular- not plural. It was after I discovered this about myself and I logically concluded there was no point to someone like me being here as I could contribute nothing. Back then, that's what I thought. I am trying to change that but it is difficult. A person's intelligence is who they are.

sleepie

Groundhog Day, I also really appreciate you looking into it and getting informed!
Trust me, for years, up until somewhat recently- there was a paucity, to say the least- of info about this disorder available anywhere.

Dee74

Best wishes sleepie!
D

sleepie

Thank you Dee

GroundhogDay

Yeah, I had never heard of it before, and as you said, most of the info is about helping kids rather than adults. I also found it disturbing that NLD was usually misunderstood and misdiagnosed in the past. It is one of those disorders that tends to not elicit sympathy either, which only adds to the distress of those that have it.

SR should be a good resource for you since it allows you to focus on verbal communication. I would think other online communities as well.

How do you cope with people in your job? Is your NLD an issue at work?

GroundhogDay

Once again, a writer. Fate is calling you...write novels.

sleepie

God YES. Thank you so much for saying this. You just about validated the tears out of me... this is what I find so hard to live with. I always end up with low wage jobs and burn out after awhile. I was unemployed for years. It is a huge issue especially if organization, numbers (shudder) or tasks with many multiple steps are involved. I basically have to be told, explicitly, what to do and shown how, take tons of notes and practice practice practice.... for things others just "get". It is exhausting. And it's exhausting to work so hard for low pay, and never own property, and never have enough money for more than 2 pairs of shoes, and not be able to afford things and hate your job and have people go "Well get a different job then"- especially since I can fool people for a bit, that I am not actually entirely stupid. But once things get more complicated, I crash and burn. And I had to read a lot about how this affects people in social situations and I took it to heart and do a little better with that now. But it's hard, because I often feel I can't be myself.

sleepie

And I have been fooled, duped, lied to and used- because social naivete is a huge problem too with NVLD. Also, it's not recognized in the diagnostic manual.

GroundhogDay

Have you tried to qualify for SSI payments or Section 8 housing assistance? I guess that would require those expensive tests, not to mention a lawyer. I know people who qualified based on mental disabilities, but they had to work hard through a lawyer to get them. They usually get denied and have to appeal.

sleepie

No. If you have any ability to work at all, even if you can push a broom- you won't qualify. Besides that, I have some pride and don't feel I deserve it anyway. I can do something. It'll just tax the hell out of me and I will do with much less than others. I always have. It only gets hard when friends enter the picture- I cannot keep up and cannot do many of the things they do socially because I cannot afford it, so I usually have few friends.

Right now I have the BF of a lifetime and he helps me out- I feel I don't deserve it and my feminist tendencies just hate me for relying on him for things.