DIY Detox Diary: Don't do what I did (I know, alliteration irritates me too)
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
DIY Detox Diary: Don't do what I did (I know, alliteration irritates me too)
Hi guys,
I am a 24 year old, female, on and off again alcoholic of 5 years. I am now finished university and did quite well with my science degree (straight A’s), despite drinking a 750ml bottle of vodka pretty much every day for the past 4 months. That’s an intense amount of alcohol for someone who weighs 100lbs. I think the reason I started was because I never had a friend in my life that did not commit suicide, so my best friend became alcohol. I also have a variety of mental health problems. I want to stop because my anxiety level is very high all the time, I know due to the amount of alcohol I was drinking.
Anyway, I wanted to describe how detox is going this time around, which is not good. This has to be my last detox. I had no problem stopping cold-turkey before and being fine the very day I stopped drinking, but that may have triggered the intense withdrawal process this time.
Day 1 (failure): I buy a pack of beer with the intention of tapering off based on the quantity of standard drinks I was consuming previously. I keep drinking until I am highly intoxicated. I end up throwing up a lot. At least it isn’t an entire bottle of vodka.
Day 2 (sickness): With no more beer left, I head to the store again to buy more beer. I drink 1 of them and vomit all stomach contents (electrolyte water and vitamins) up for the rest of the day to the point my entire body hurts. My anxiety is very high and I don’t feel like drinking anything at all. I spend the day getting into and out of bed for no reason and just wandering around aimlessly. Very twitchy and sweating. I am startled by any sound and when I try to fall asleep, I am jolted awake.
Day 3 (progress?): I buy a small bottle of vodka since beer didn’t work out. I drink 1 shot, followed by vitamin water when I notice symptoms kick in. I am no longer vomiting, but I feel nauseous and I can’t concentrate. I manage to eat a can of chicken soup. Still slightly trembly, and I’m hallucinating smoke rising around me, but okay. I only finish 3/4 the small bottle by the end of the day. Hung out with some friends for a few hours when I was feeling better.
Day 4 (chaos): Wow, I feel amazing! I spend the entire day cleaning my apartment until it’s spotless. I switch to drinking beers instead of vodka now that I can keep food down. I have tons of energy. I decide to go for a walk after sunset to celebrate. BIG MISTAKE. Halfway through my walk, I start seeing dots flying around. I am thinking, “oh hey, look at that, I’m hallucinating a swarm of insects. Weird.” I am fixated on these dots zooming around. I also see flashes of light in the sky that aren’t there. Minutes later, I see a dead dog on the road that wasn’t actually there. Then I see another dog standing on the curb, tilted as though gravity did not apply to it. It too disappeared. I then see dogs running in the distance. Freaky, but not frightening. I decide it’s time to go home, and the best way is through the forest. The forest is very dark but I never feel unsafe there. I start to hear many flies buzzing. The buzzing gets louder and louder as I approach whatever the flies are attracted to. I pull out my phone so I can see and start looking for the flies. I am close. I stare at a massive, gnarled tree for a very long time, spacing out, as the buzzing noise gets louder. It is very dark. There are loud buzzing noises coming from every direction, they sound like bees now. Okay, this is getting messed, I’m leaving. As I am walking, I hear strange noises behind me and I feel I am being watched. Every noise, whether real or imagined, is magnified. I eventually reach home and start to feel normal again. Very bizarre. I take more vitamins, another beer and decide to join SR before heading to bed.
Day 5 (nearly normal): I wake up groggy, but make myself a large breakfast, followed by more vitamins and a beer. I fall asleep for a few hours but wake up feeling much better. I start packing for my trip to Cuba and experience no symptoms, except for feeling a little down early in the morning. I start reading my training manual and generally feel fine. By the end of the day, I only had 4 beers total just to keep going with the detox.
Day 6+ (the future): If everything goes fine, I will keep tapering off until the weekend and hopefully my work in Cuba will be a nice way to start long-term sobriety.
Anyway, the point of this is 1) if you drink heavily, it’s not a good idea to try going through withdrawal on your own, 2) tapering off doesn’t work if you have intense vomiting as a symptom, 3) don’t do what I did, except for maybe taking vitamins. I probably could have died in the forest and no one would be there to help.
I know I can never drink as heavily as I did for the past 4 months, or at all probably. I know you guys would tell me I should see a doctor, and I did see a doctor but he mentioned “in-patient”, so I said screw it to medical detox. This experience was a real eye-opener.
Thank you,
Selena
I am a 24 year old, female, on and off again alcoholic of 5 years. I am now finished university and did quite well with my science degree (straight A’s), despite drinking a 750ml bottle of vodka pretty much every day for the past 4 months. That’s an intense amount of alcohol for someone who weighs 100lbs. I think the reason I started was because I never had a friend in my life that did not commit suicide, so my best friend became alcohol. I also have a variety of mental health problems. I want to stop because my anxiety level is very high all the time, I know due to the amount of alcohol I was drinking.
Anyway, I wanted to describe how detox is going this time around, which is not good. This has to be my last detox. I had no problem stopping cold-turkey before and being fine the very day I stopped drinking, but that may have triggered the intense withdrawal process this time.
Day 1 (failure): I buy a pack of beer with the intention of tapering off based on the quantity of standard drinks I was consuming previously. I keep drinking until I am highly intoxicated. I end up throwing up a lot. At least it isn’t an entire bottle of vodka.
Day 2 (sickness): With no more beer left, I head to the store again to buy more beer. I drink 1 of them and vomit all stomach contents (electrolyte water and vitamins) up for the rest of the day to the point my entire body hurts. My anxiety is very high and I don’t feel like drinking anything at all. I spend the day getting into and out of bed for no reason and just wandering around aimlessly. Very twitchy and sweating. I am startled by any sound and when I try to fall asleep, I am jolted awake.
Day 3 (progress?): I buy a small bottle of vodka since beer didn’t work out. I drink 1 shot, followed by vitamin water when I notice symptoms kick in. I am no longer vomiting, but I feel nauseous and I can’t concentrate. I manage to eat a can of chicken soup. Still slightly trembly, and I’m hallucinating smoke rising around me, but okay. I only finish 3/4 the small bottle by the end of the day. Hung out with some friends for a few hours when I was feeling better.
Day 4 (chaos): Wow, I feel amazing! I spend the entire day cleaning my apartment until it’s spotless. I switch to drinking beers instead of vodka now that I can keep food down. I have tons of energy. I decide to go for a walk after sunset to celebrate. BIG MISTAKE. Halfway through my walk, I start seeing dots flying around. I am thinking, “oh hey, look at that, I’m hallucinating a swarm of insects. Weird.” I am fixated on these dots zooming around. I also see flashes of light in the sky that aren’t there. Minutes later, I see a dead dog on the road that wasn’t actually there. Then I see another dog standing on the curb, tilted as though gravity did not apply to it. It too disappeared. I then see dogs running in the distance. Freaky, but not frightening. I decide it’s time to go home, and the best way is through the forest. The forest is very dark but I never feel unsafe there. I start to hear many flies buzzing. The buzzing gets louder and louder as I approach whatever the flies are attracted to. I pull out my phone so I can see and start looking for the flies. I am close. I stare at a massive, gnarled tree for a very long time, spacing out, as the buzzing noise gets louder. It is very dark. There are loud buzzing noises coming from every direction, they sound like bees now. Okay, this is getting messed, I’m leaving. As I am walking, I hear strange noises behind me and I feel I am being watched. Every noise, whether real or imagined, is magnified. I eventually reach home and start to feel normal again. Very bizarre. I take more vitamins, another beer and decide to join SR before heading to bed.
Day 5 (nearly normal): I wake up groggy, but make myself a large breakfast, followed by more vitamins and a beer. I fall asleep for a few hours but wake up feeling much better. I start packing for my trip to Cuba and experience no symptoms, except for feeling a little down early in the morning. I start reading my training manual and generally feel fine. By the end of the day, I only had 4 beers total just to keep going with the detox.
Day 6+ (the future): If everything goes fine, I will keep tapering off until the weekend and hopefully my work in Cuba will be a nice way to start long-term sobriety.
Anyway, the point of this is 1) if you drink heavily, it’s not a good idea to try going through withdrawal on your own, 2) tapering off doesn’t work if you have intense vomiting as a symptom, 3) don’t do what I did, except for maybe taking vitamins. I probably could have died in the forest and no one would be there to help.
I know I can never drink as heavily as I did for the past 4 months, or at all probably. I know you guys would tell me I should see a doctor, and I did see a doctor but he mentioned “in-patient”, so I said screw it to medical detox. This experience was a real eye-opener.
Thank you,
Selena
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
Thank you! Reading lists of symptoms off medical websites really doesn't help for psychological problems. I found reading other people's withdrawal descriptions very helpful in understanding what was going on with me during this process.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
I guess there many who can identify with the misery of drinking with the horrors involved and the reactions that we have to it, trying to rationalize the things we do.
I occasionally look back at my process as insanity and am very grateful for living through it. This after a lot of years of observing newcomers.
I needed things for sobriety to happen and work. I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety. I also needed to WANT to be sober. My sobriety started the day I asked for help from MY Higher Power to help me stop drinking. I’m not and have never been a religious person but do believe in a power greater than myself which had a dismal success rate.
Something we learn is that physical moving with expectations of that helping “cure” us is not very realistic as we bring along the same drinking mentality.
BE WELL
I guess there many who can identify with the misery of drinking with the horrors involved and the reactions that we have to it, trying to rationalize the things we do.
I occasionally look back at my process as insanity and am very grateful for living through it. This after a lot of years of observing newcomers.
I needed things for sobriety to happen and work. I needed to get honest with myself about my drinking AND accept the fact I cannot drink alcohol in safety. I also needed to WANT to be sober. My sobriety started the day I asked for help from MY Higher Power to help me stop drinking. I’m not and have never been a religious person but do believe in a power greater than myself which had a dismal success rate.
Something we learn is that physical moving with expectations of that helping “cure” us is not very realistic as we bring along the same drinking mentality.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
yeah past few mornings i've had some weird hallucinations until i get a drink in me, like music and people talking having full on conversations around me in the room, dogs running up and down the stairs, like at one point i wondered if my ex had dropped off the dogs here. i was half asleep at one point this morning and someone was sitting on the bed and i tried to grab them, then they took my hand and i'm telling you it was literally someone holding my hand, it was solid as anything real. i have mental health problems anyway so i get voices sometimes regardless but this was pretty chaotic. it wasn't particularly frightening it was just odd.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
IOAA2: I still do not know how to address crushing lonliness and mental health problems. School is over and I'm basically trying to find ways to pass the time. It's difficult for me to hold on to jobs because my problems are so severe. I've been in trouble with the law too. Not sure where life is going at this point.
Bh28: I am finding herbal supplements are really helping with my anxiety and insomnia, but I still had to drink a little bit to make myself feel better. I hope you figure out a way to beat the insomnia.
lycanlaz: What you are experiencing sounds like sleep paralysis. When I haven't been sleeping too well, I have seen things like, a shadow man in a trenchcoat and hat walk from one side of the room to another, a strange ashen creature with a face made of burning embers, I've heard children playing, and demonic voices. I think it's mainly brought about when you're excessively tired or stressed. Nothing to be worried about unless it happens all the time, then you should probably address your sleep issues.
Bh28: I am finding herbal supplements are really helping with my anxiety and insomnia, but I still had to drink a little bit to make myself feel better. I hope you figure out a way to beat the insomnia.
lycanlaz: What you are experiencing sounds like sleep paralysis. When I haven't been sleeping too well, I have seen things like, a shadow man in a trenchcoat and hat walk from one side of the room to another, a strange ashen creature with a face made of burning embers, I've heard children playing, and demonic voices. I think it's mainly brought about when you're excessively tired or stressed. Nothing to be worried about unless it happens all the time, then you should probably address your sleep issues.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
If you're fully awake, that's different. I was in the hospital for over a year for psychosis and depression, however I thought what I was seeing and hearing was real at the time. Not sure what to make of what you experienced, but hallucinating so quickly seems strange.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 133
maybe it has nothing to do with the alcohol? my official diagnosis is schizophrenia but i have identity alteration with around ten separate personas that regularly take control and they've been looking at altering my diagnosis to dissociative identity disorder. when i hallucinate it's normally voices attached to the identity states and i have a tactile hallucination on my shoulder that feels like there's someone scratching it, but i don't normally get such intense bursts of it like i have in the mornings. i thought it was the alcohol because it stops when i have a drink. i'm 29 and i've been experiencing psychotic symptoms since i was a teenager, i've also been in and out of hospital for my mental health.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
I hear you. I too have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals or psych wards since I was a teenager, mainly due to dissociative symptoms. I've actually punched a couple of the police officers in the face who were trying to take me to the hospital. So I drink, and I'm calm, no more dissociation. It's a complex problem for sure when there's other mental illness involved. I agree though. In August 2014 I was in the hospital 4 times for dissociative symptoms, then I started drinking and I haven't had any issues. I feel as though the alcoholism, in some ways, was less damaging than ending up in the psych ward at any time.
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