How it was--What happened--How it is now ?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
How it was ?
Weekend warrior status was difficult but manageable, one major bender and one smaller bender, did me in.
What happened ?
Fell, got hurt....real bad.
How it is now ?
Peaceful, only now starting to come together. Much further to go, and many more things to look forward to.
Weekend warrior status was difficult but manageable, one major bender and one smaller bender, did me in.
What happened ?
Fell, got hurt....real bad.
How it is now ?
Peaceful, only now starting to come together. Much further to go, and many more things to look forward to.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
How it was:
Drank myself into total misery, social connection, mental and physical health in tatters, totally defeated.
What happened: Did a stupid thing, joined AA and actually believed what I was told, very gullible. Took all twelve steps and adopted the AA way of life, had a spiritual experience as the result, where the drink problem was removed and life became worthwhile.
What it's like now:
Beyond anything I could have imagined. The alcohol problem went and has never returned nor has alcohol ocurred to me as a solution to life's problems.
Had many highs, marriage, children, career, business, etc, all things I thought would never work out for me. And some tragedy, lost my wife to cancer after almost 20 years together, lost my father, my sponsor and my best friend. Was able to cope and look after my children. House destroyed in a series of earthquakes.
Life today is one big adventure. The working relationship I have been able to develop with my higher power has given me tremendous freedom to go anywhere in the world. I have not become a prisoner of the meetings, though I enjoy them very much and like to contribute whenever I can.
I sponsor a few guys. I have gone from dependent child to parent. On day one I never would have believed any of that was possible.
Drank myself into total misery, social connection, mental and physical health in tatters, totally defeated.
What happened: Did a stupid thing, joined AA and actually believed what I was told, very gullible. Took all twelve steps and adopted the AA way of life, had a spiritual experience as the result, where the drink problem was removed and life became worthwhile.
What it's like now:
Beyond anything I could have imagined. The alcohol problem went and has never returned nor has alcohol ocurred to me as a solution to life's problems.
Had many highs, marriage, children, career, business, etc, all things I thought would never work out for me. And some tragedy, lost my wife to cancer after almost 20 years together, lost my father, my sponsor and my best friend. Was able to cope and look after my children. House destroyed in a series of earthquakes.
Life today is one big adventure. The working relationship I have been able to develop with my higher power has given me tremendous freedom to go anywhere in the world. I have not become a prisoner of the meetings, though I enjoy them very much and like to contribute whenever I can.
I sponsor a few guys. I have gone from dependent child to parent. On day one I never would have believed any of that was possible.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
How it was ?
I became sick and tired of being sick and tired.
What happened ?
My wife who was my g/f at the time left, I was about to get fired again and I was a bloated mess. I was 35 years old and just 13 year earlier I was on top of the world. Really happy and now I was coming in for a crash landing..
How it is now ?
I am moving in the right direction, my problems are quality in nature and a direct result of having gotten sober. My marriage is fine and although I have been sacked in sobriety it wasn't because of drinking. I've done all the things in sobriety I used to babble. Grated nothing turned out to be a big success but that's beside the point. The point is I actually made the effort instead of just talking about it. No mid-life crises for this recovering alcoholic.
I became sick and tired of being sick and tired.
What happened ?
My wife who was my g/f at the time left, I was about to get fired again and I was a bloated mess. I was 35 years old and just 13 year earlier I was on top of the world. Really happy and now I was coming in for a crash landing..
How it is now ?
I am moving in the right direction, my problems are quality in nature and a direct result of having gotten sober. My marriage is fine and although I have been sacked in sobriety it wasn't because of drinking. I've done all the things in sobriety I used to babble. Grated nothing turned out to be a big success but that's beside the point. The point is I actually made the effort instead of just talking about it. No mid-life crises for this recovering alcoholic.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
How it was: After a relapse which lasted 6 years, I knew that I was heading toward drinking 24/7 and would not be able to keep holding myself together for long after "controlling" my drinking for years.
I was also extremely depressed, disgusted with myself and suicidal. Just stuck in that pathetic dark little hole of my own making. I was at that point where if I had not quit I would have committed suicide I have no doubt about that.
I had 5 years sober previously so I should have known that having a content sober life was possible but for some reason my built in forgetter had kicked in and I did not think of quitting again.
What happened: I was finishing a beer on my day off in my pjs and noticed I had to go buy more. Not only did I not feel like getting dressed but I also said to myself: This is it, I am sick and tired of that crap. I just did not get more that day.
I joined SR I think 3 days in then a few days later went to AA and worked the steps the way my late sponsor had taught me.
I posted daily on SR trying to help others newer than me, I joined the class of Jan 2013 and also the 24 hours club.
I read about AVRT and learned to recognize and deal with that little voice in my head which says that having "just one" is not a bad idea or says "F...it". AVRT is an awesome tool and in my book not incompatible with AA ...at least I was able to make them work together for myself which is all that matters
I got interested in all kind of recovery methods and even attended a few Women For Sobriety meetings (I stopped going because of scheduling conflicts).
My thing was that I never wanted to go back to that dark little space of despair again and that the more tools on my tool belt, the greater my chances of achieving and maintaining long term sobriety.
I also made a point of developing a network both online and in real time of people in recovery I could reach out to when life was rough rather than isolate and clam up.
How it is now: I celebrated 3 years in January and I am content and feel balanced. Life still happens: the good, the bad and the ugly but I can handle it as long as I reach out to people and share what is going on and as long as I don't pick up that first drink. Like a friend of mine always used to share:
It's not so much that life gets better that we get better at life.
I can handle things without self medicating these days. I have the tools and the support. A lot of things are about perspective.
There is no situation that picking up a drink does not have the potential to make worst.
While working on the 11th step, I got into Zen meditation and moved from AA toward Refuge Recovery whose Buddhist approach is a better fit for me.
I am basically on what is called the maintenance steps of AA:
Step 10: I try to do my best each day and harm no one and when I screw up I hold myself accountable and I make amends.
Step 11: I meditate daily for at least 20 minute. This is the backbone of my recovery.
Step 12 I try to help other alcoholics and reach out to newcomers. I also do service work. I post the daily readings on a very small 12 steps forum a friend of mine run and I volunteer at the local food bank (which is something I did back then when I was drinking too. I truly believe that if I had not done service for the community at large, I would have relapsed much harder and it would have been way uglier).
So this is my e.s.h for today. If you are new or coming back don't give up on yourself. Hang in there, you can do it and we are here for you
I was also extremely depressed, disgusted with myself and suicidal. Just stuck in that pathetic dark little hole of my own making. I was at that point where if I had not quit I would have committed suicide I have no doubt about that.
I had 5 years sober previously so I should have known that having a content sober life was possible but for some reason my built in forgetter had kicked in and I did not think of quitting again.
What happened: I was finishing a beer on my day off in my pjs and noticed I had to go buy more. Not only did I not feel like getting dressed but I also said to myself: This is it, I am sick and tired of that crap. I just did not get more that day.
I joined SR I think 3 days in then a few days later went to AA and worked the steps the way my late sponsor had taught me.
I posted daily on SR trying to help others newer than me, I joined the class of Jan 2013 and also the 24 hours club.
I read about AVRT and learned to recognize and deal with that little voice in my head which says that having "just one" is not a bad idea or says "F...it". AVRT is an awesome tool and in my book not incompatible with AA ...at least I was able to make them work together for myself which is all that matters
I got interested in all kind of recovery methods and even attended a few Women For Sobriety meetings (I stopped going because of scheduling conflicts).
My thing was that I never wanted to go back to that dark little space of despair again and that the more tools on my tool belt, the greater my chances of achieving and maintaining long term sobriety.
I also made a point of developing a network both online and in real time of people in recovery I could reach out to when life was rough rather than isolate and clam up.
How it is now: I celebrated 3 years in January and I am content and feel balanced. Life still happens: the good, the bad and the ugly but I can handle it as long as I reach out to people and share what is going on and as long as I don't pick up that first drink. Like a friend of mine always used to share:
It's not so much that life gets better that we get better at life.
I can handle things without self medicating these days. I have the tools and the support. A lot of things are about perspective.
There is no situation that picking up a drink does not have the potential to make worst.
While working on the 11th step, I got into Zen meditation and moved from AA toward Refuge Recovery whose Buddhist approach is a better fit for me.
I am basically on what is called the maintenance steps of AA:
Step 10: I try to do my best each day and harm no one and when I screw up I hold myself accountable and I make amends.
Step 11: I meditate daily for at least 20 minute. This is the backbone of my recovery.
Step 12 I try to help other alcoholics and reach out to newcomers. I also do service work. I post the daily readings on a very small 12 steps forum a friend of mine run and I volunteer at the local food bank (which is something I did back then when I was drinking too. I truly believe that if I had not done service for the community at large, I would have relapsed much harder and it would have been way uglier).
So this is my e.s.h for today. If you are new or coming back don't give up on yourself. Hang in there, you can do it and we are here for you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
For now let's just go directly to -- How it is now ?
Serenity enjoyed on most days.
Looking back on my drinking days I see a war zone.
Today I feel and think as if the war is over.
MB
Serenity enjoyed on most days.
Looking back on my drinking days I see a war zone.
Today I feel and think as if the war is over.
MB
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 160
How was it?
I drank a lot due to my parents being emotional abusive and being cheated on multiple times, alcoholism also runs in my family.
What happened?
After multiple deployments I had an alcohol related incident and was discharged from the military. I went to school afterwards while working minimum wage jobs full time.
How is it now?
I just graduated and after 40 applications am still unemployed. Likely going to be homeless in 2 weeks since I just cut my last check for rent and have been selling plasma to pay for food.
I drank a lot due to my parents being emotional abusive and being cheated on multiple times, alcoholism also runs in my family.
What happened?
After multiple deployments I had an alcohol related incident and was discharged from the military. I went to school afterwards while working minimum wage jobs full time.
How is it now?
I just graduated and after 40 applications am still unemployed. Likely going to be homeless in 2 weeks since I just cut my last check for rent and have been selling plasma to pay for food.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Bonney Lake
Posts: 26
After college is when drinking really started ruining my life. I went from being a happy drunk to a crazy drunk that made horrible decisions. I slept with a married guy from my work when I got wasted at a bar. This decision later ended up having me get dumped on my ass when my husband found out. I have been kicked out of so many bars for being belligerent I can't even remember. I have fallen out of a bar stool onto my back and hit my head. I have thrown beer bottles at people. I knocked over a glass table and tried to pick it up and cut my hands up badly. I started becoming promiscuous. I could write a book about horrible decisions I made when drunk. My friends didn't want to be around me anymore. I stopped getting invited to hang out because they were scared of how I would get when I was drinking. It was starting to take a lot more drinks to get drunk and I would drive to get more when I was running out. I could easily drink 15 or more drinks. The happy drunk days were far gone. I would get mean. I started drinking alone. I would start fights with everyone I had in my phone. I would tell off everyone in my family. I pushed everyone away and lost most of my friends. I went from someone that took a lot of pride in how they looked to someone that gained about 50 lbs over the last 4 years. I would shop when I got drunk and I got in massive debt. I hated who I had become and the more I drank the worse my life was getting. Nothing good ever happened when I was drunk. Ever. The hangovers were horrible. I knew it was going to kill me.
I have been sober for a few weeks now. I'm not going to lie, it has been a struggle. I have been cranky and depressed but every morning when I wake up and I'm not hungover I feel great I know it's going to be a struggle, but I'm looking forward to things getting better sober.
I have been sober for a few weeks now. I'm not going to lie, it has been a struggle. I have been cranky and depressed but every morning when I wake up and I'm not hungover I feel great
I know it's going to be a struggle, but I'm looking forward to things getting better sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
How is it now?
The first thing I thought of was that sobriety is actually not a struggle anymore. At two years in I'm totally off that teeter totter of do I? Don't I? I am at ease as a non-drinker. I won't say it's totally "easy" but it's not a struggle. I'm like a car in cruise control. Can you take your eyes off the road? Of course not. That's why I'm active in this forum.
I never thought I would get to a point where sobriety feels natural but it does. Life is not perfect. I have worries but alcohol is not one of them.
The first thing I thought of was that sobriety is actually not a struggle anymore. At two years in I'm totally off that teeter totter of do I? Don't I? I am at ease as a non-drinker. I won't say it's totally "easy" but it's not a struggle. I'm like a car in cruise control. Can you take your eyes off the road? Of course not. That's why I'm active in this forum.
I never thought I would get to a point where sobriety feels natural but it does. Life is not perfect. I have worries but alcohol is not one of them.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Wow, what a ride. I got a life, with bells on! I am back in NZ at the moment staying with my daughter. Catching up with old friends I haven't seen in a while. Amazingly they are glad to see me. That's a bit different to the old days.
I have popped in to a few of my old meetings. A lot of new faces, a lot missing. The familiar faces I am not surprised to see are still ok. They are still working with others, trying to carry the message. I am never surprised to see they are still sober.
Met up with a former sponsee tonight. Just blown away at the wonderful life he has today. He and his God work well together. Can't think of anything to complain about.
I have popped in to a few of my old meetings. A lot of new faces, a lot missing. The familiar faces I am not surprised to see are still ok. They are still working with others, trying to carry the message. I am never surprised to see they are still sober.
Met up with a former sponsee tonight. Just blown away at the wonderful life he has today. He and his God work well together. Can't think of anything to complain about.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
I drank heavily for 20 years. Like a lot of you it didn't all go downhill quickly, it was gradual over the years. I didn't see the whole picture for a long time but...I noticed towards the end I was really losing it and screwing up badly. I would self harm while drinking. Not all that long ago I awoke in a stupor on the couch with a big knife next to me and no idea why it was there.
I was also gradually becoming verbally abusive to my husband. One night he poured out all my beers so I drove to the convenience store, drunk and in my pajamas and spent the rest of the night sending mean texts to my husband and weird texts to my boss. Waking up the next day was nothing short of a nightmare.
One of the worst things is, and it hurts to write this but I passed out one night last winter and left my dog out in 14 degree weather. She's a big fluffy girl and there's Dogloos out there but still that is so terrible. Woke up about 2:30 am and noticed she wasn't snug in her bed, panicked and let her back in
It's one thing to screw up my own life but what right do I have to cause suffering for others. Something really awful was gonna happen if I didn't stop. Started tapering towards the end of April. Have had a few slips. Have 37 booze free days today. Still in the wobbly stages but things are already so much better. Thank you God, SR and Mountainman for starting this thread.
I was also gradually becoming verbally abusive to my husband. One night he poured out all my beers so I drove to the convenience store, drunk and in my pajamas and spent the rest of the night sending mean texts to my husband and weird texts to my boss. Waking up the next day was nothing short of a nightmare.
One of the worst things is, and it hurts to write this but I passed out one night last winter and left my dog out in 14 degree weather. She's a big fluffy girl and there's Dogloos out there but still that is so terrible. Woke up about 2:30 am and noticed she wasn't snug in her bed, panicked and let her back in
It's one thing to screw up my own life but what right do I have to cause suffering for others. Something really awful was gonna happen if I didn't stop. Started tapering towards the end of April. Have had a few slips. Have 37 booze free days today. Still in the wobbly stages but things are already so much better. Thank you God, SR and Mountainman for starting this thread.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
How was it?
12-18 beers a day (even more on the weekends) EVERY DAY for 10 years. Before that, 19 years as a binge drinker/weekend warrior.
What happened?
Total alcohol dependence. Morning shakes, crippling anxiety, massive paranoia, suicidal thoughts, you name it. Finally went to the ER, thought I was going to die. Turned out it was the first day of my new found freedom.
How is it now?
Seven years and one month sober. Happy, healthy, joyous and free.
12-18 beers a day (even more on the weekends) EVERY DAY for 10 years. Before that, 19 years as a binge drinker/weekend warrior.
What happened?
Total alcohol dependence. Morning shakes, crippling anxiety, massive paranoia, suicidal thoughts, you name it. Finally went to the ER, thought I was going to die. Turned out it was the first day of my new found freedom.
How is it now?
Seven years and one month sober. Happy, healthy, joyous and free.
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