broken record sorry
 

What can I do it's the same old thing. Just obsessing and so scared of everything and health issues and I cannot get my mind off it. Please anyone just speak to me briefly I cannot live this way anymore.
I am just upset about my whole life. I cannot figure out why so many bad things had to happen from the day I was born, I just cannot wrap my head around it. It's not a who had it worse contest. I just can't cope. and counselors and therapists are useless in my experience, one lost her practice for being involved with a client then she lived in her car, the other insisted on calling me deficient repeatedly after I dared tell him I have a learning disorder and the other just wanted to throw drugs at me.

I found change was a process not an event sleepie.

Real change takes a little time... and a little patience.

I know it's hard to stop thinking negatively but try to throw a few positive thoughts in there - personally I think you've come a long way from we you used to be.

You should acknowledge that :)

How so Dee can you give examples? Because I think I am just the same I only drink a little less and only recently.

why do I do it? I read Carol's friends that died thread. Now I will not sleep. Some even died in recovery, what's the point?

Some people die Sleepie, but many do not ...you have a choice in which group you end up.

One of the earliest ways I made change was to think of two positive things about myself when I had a negative thought.

I love your art for example - and I admire the way you keep trying with this :)

D

Hi Sleepie,

Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I will have finally made it past Day 1 in about one hour. Is there any goal that you can work toward to give your life meaning? I have a goal of trying to lose 23 pounds in 88 days before my family vacation, and this will not happen if I am drinking and eating and smoking pot. I am hoping that this goal will give my life some purpose right now, even though it sounds a bit silly.

It was so hard to make it through my day today, as I was feeling very depressed. But I just put one foot in front of the other and got as much as I could done. Now I will have my first sober sleep in over a week.

I had to fill out this questionnaire for the dr I hope to see about getting off benzos. I was supposed to pick these things that described me and none of them did. Fat stupid and useless weren't on it. The whole d*** thing stressed me out there were pages and pages and endless pages o f questions I don't want to answer, my entire life is an embarrassment. Now I have stress that will go on for days as I will think about it all and feel terrible, pulling my hair out because i'm a ****** with weird tics.
After tomorrow I go into a four day stretch of ten hour work days which I already know will make it worse.

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself sleepie - can you see what a one sided view that is tho?

if you don't challenge those ideas, nothing much is likely to change.

Can you try? :)

D

I'm sorry you have such a negative view of you sleepie, that was really sad to read.

There are lots of us who have battled major anxiety and mental health issues. I have been diagnose with PTSD and a dissociative disorder. When I'm under stress there are long stretches of time that I 'lose' and I simply don't remember afterwards. I have also had an eating disorder and some self-harm. I haven't pulled my hair out, but I've heard of others doing that.

I feel I've overcome or at least made my peace with my 'stuff' and it involved counselling, medication and learning how to meditate.

It's a long road, but one that you don't have to travel alone. But it starts with giving up the drink because that distorts everything.

One step at a time. You are not alone x

Sorry you're feeling as you are, sleepie. Life isn't nearly as easy as we'd often like it to be, and when we have whatever reason to doubt ourselves as capable of getting through another day, things can really become tough. There are no easy answers for all our challenges. Sure, being responsible helps. Keeping sober obviously helps too. Taking action, making changes, learning as we go -- all this helps.

Life for me is an inside job sleepie. Inside me is my life. Circumstances are whatever they maybe, and that is all about the ups and downs of everybody's life. No one has a perfect life as we all know.

I don't need everything in my life to be all good and so on to be living the good life. You know about my circumstances sleepie, and you know I appreciate your support. I want you to also know, even with my grim circumstances, I'm still living the good life, just like I was before cancer came to town.

Its what do we do with what we got to bring the game home, yeah? What is it about ourselves which gets us beyond whatever circumstances?

So, I have terminal cancer. This simply means cancer will almost certainly take my life sooner rather than later. The thing here is I was going to die eventually anyways even if by old age, so what has really changed? Well, my life is likely shortened big time. What remains the same is I can still be who I was before cancer because my life is built from the inside out. My experiences are my life, are what make me me. Cancer can't change my past, and so I prevail through such horrible circumstances knowing I'm still me.

There is real purpose in being who and what we are. And it becomes even clearer as circumstances go south on us. It seems just words sometimes, but believing in ourselves, with a focus on change and renewal, such belief can rise above and carry us through into living the good life even though things can appear to be otherwise.

Think "inside job" (((sleepie)))

5000% agree with Robby Sleepie

things got better so painstakingly slowly for me it was barely noticeable from one day to the next the only way i could tell is if i chose to look back months and even then it could be foggy sometimes. But things did get better.

I used to dwell on my past and my life and think whats the point of all this etc.. i could go to a pretty dark place pretty easily heck i was pretty much already there. Over time I quit going there but I can and still do get sucked in now and then. I try to remain present. I try to stay in the present moment as much as possible I always feel best there.

"Surrender your fear. Something will come that is greater than what the fear is trying to protect." (Mooji)

one thing to consider your past wasnt all that great by dwelling on it your like reliving it all over again. No ones abusing you in this moment thats done and gone. But if you dwell on it your basicly putting yourself through it over and over again. I know the drill keep rehashing it over and over and over hopeing to conjur up a different or better outcome when there isnt one. Things just are just let them be. Leave them.... in the past where they are and you are not.

Have you or can you see a therapist sleepie? I"m guessing that some of the issues you have are underlying to your addiction, and even getting off the benzo's isn't going to clear them up completely. Most of us do have issues like that and we need to address them separately.

I think at a certain point you have to accept yourself for who you are and learn to work with what you have.
One of the things that may really help you is writing down what you're grateful for every single day.