Relapsed Again
 

So ashamed. It was a 4 day drinking binge. I have been sober now going on three days. Day three is so tough. My alcoholic voice is already starting up so I came on here to hear sober voices. I have to quit for good this time. I have to. :a108:

Welcome back Buckeygirl. Day 3 is a tough one, and they get harder and harder every time we return to drinking.

What were you doing to stay sober before? Do you think there is something you can do differently this time around? Sobriety is available to anyone who is willing to make it their priority and do the right work.

Then be willing to do whatever it takes to support that decision. Can you do that? Start by leveraging SR: read and post daily. Read enough posts and you should be able to glean all the information you need about furthering your recovery.

Sorry to hear, I've been there recently, we've all been there. I'm finding this attempt at sobriety easier as I'm 1.Being open and honest with everyone, I have a problem with drink, I don't want to drink. You'll find that after slight resistance from some, people accept it and carry on with their lives. You have to be selfish, do it for you, no one else. Also, 2. Working at my sobriety daily, following the steps, connecting with my higher power, reading daily. You have to work at it.

This may be a bit of a strong message this soon but it's what I've done and it's changed my mindset entirely. Good luck and trust me, you're far from alone

I always said to myself, I'll quit in May and it's happening. I have big issues far deeper than alcohol which needs addressing.

And this demon will not stop me from getting it back.

I relapsed recently as well. I had been sober during Lent but fell off the wagon pretty hard. The weekends have been gawdawful, four day binges followed by some very uncomfortable detoxing. But after a few days in the clear I find excuses to drink again.

When I was sober there were definitely some times that I felt like I was missing out. But, when I drink it gets progressively worse. Maybe five beers on the first night, then beers and bourbon night two, etc. I ended up in a fight Sunday evening and my lip was cut and I got a shiner; so I called into work sick and drank all day. Currently I'm in the throes of detox hell. Shivering and what not. This is madness.

Right, to me relapse means you need to do *something* different the next time, since repeating the same pattern almost never achieves a different outcome. :) What do you think sparked your relapse, and what do you think you could change this time so it's less likely to happen?

" I have big issues far deeper than alcohol which needs addressing."

Hi.

Issues are usually never properly addressed by drinking, that’s called escape and just another undisciplined reason to drink again.

We need to face our demons and work on not drinking as a #1 focus.
It’s called action.

BE WELL

Welcome back Buckeyegirly!! :)

I have three days also.

So what are you going to do differently this time?

welcome back buckeyegirly - some great questions and advice here :)

D

All the advice from other abstinent and / or sober alcoholics at AA meetings or in psychotherapy didn’t work, due to it being usually the same if not similar advice I got from people before AA and psychotherapy. I wasn’t ready to give-up the booze until I was ready and it was in my time and no one else’s time.

I relapsed numerous times and it took every relapse to where I finally reached my bottom and surrendered. However, after attending AA meetings for years as a relapse, for the first time I heard a man say something different than I’d heard before from those that were trying to be helpful. He said, John Barleycorn (booze) is the best teacher, so keep drinking until hopefully one day you’ll give–up, reach your bottom and surrender. I asked him how will I know when to give-up and surrender. He said, if you don’t die, then you’ll know when you’ve reached your bottom and surrendered.

Then he suggested I read the writings on surrender by Harry Tiebout, MD. His writings are on line at Silkworth.net

He did me one of the biggest favors in my life, he didn’t tell me not to drink!

Thanks so much for all the messages and support. I got past day three and am now on day four. My triggers were two: I didn't get a job that I wanted and I had to take a 5 hour certification test and don't feel like I did very well. Also, tons of caffeine drinking in the form of diet coke, which has been shown to increase alcohol cravings. Anyway, what have I done different 1. gave up diet coke (caffeine) cold turkey. I had NO idea how difficult this would be. Honestly, it has been worse than quitting drinking. I have had a splitting headache for days, dizziness, cloudy thoughts, inability to concentrate, irritability, extreme fatigue and muscle pain. It's like a hangover that won't go away!! I could care less about booze right now; I just want a diet coke. But I didn't have caffeine during my bender so I am now 8 days out and the symptoms are supposed to subside after 9 days. 2. i got back on here and started reading posts, 3.read some more books on quitting, 4. honestly talked to my husband about the problem, 5, set up an appointment with my therapist.
Anyway, now I know why they say caffeine is more addictive than heroin...

I can't imagine giving up caffeine and booze G the same time. Lol. So it'll be booze for now.

Congrats on your progress, sounds like you have a lot of very positive and concrete steps planned too, that is great!

The first few days are definitely difficulty...but remember that this feeling is only temporary. Initial withdrawals will end...that's a guarantee!

Thanks! I hope so. I think the combo of caffeine and alcohol have been a bit rough but honestly I am tired of the caffeine causing increased anxiety and then drinking alcohol to relieve this anxiety merry-go-round.
I have been told to cut out caffeine for a long time and just couldn't do it. Now I am because I just want to be free of all drugs. That is why I don't eat sugar either--haven't for years now because it increased my anxiety.
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and have taken zoloft for it for years. Guess what I have found out the hard way? zoloft and alcohol DO NOT mix! :c029:
I have tried AA before and I am considering going again. I just got bothered a bit by the religiosity aspect of it. I know I should let this go but it really is hard for me. I have an overly analytical mind and it is hard to just throw science out the wind and accept that a higher power will cure me. I am going to work much harder on this though. Any advice?

My advice would be to try again, even if you have issues with the last time. While AA itself doesn't mandate religion, many of the meetings are based around religion in some way - others are not. There are actually atheist AA groups in some areas believe it or not.

I am a very analytical person too and also deal with anxiety...which is another area of my life ( like addiction ) that doesn't make sense...there's no logical reason for my mind to freak out and have the thoughts that it does sometime, but it still does. So i'm learning more and more that acceptance is key in all areas of life...and also keeping an open mind and looking for help and support wherever I can find it.

Maybe you could try Matcha -Google it. It is a high powered green tea that gives you great positives without all the caffeine /jitters.

alcohol is full of sugar. it also maximises anxiety. you need to work on a toolkit for next time the cravings come calling.

it can be done, and you can do it.

be well.