courage2

No particular reason to share this with you all, except it's become my habit to post about my recovery on this forum.

I wrote an email today to the functional though not formal leader of the group I've depended on for the last 2.5 years for my face-to-face support.

I've had a number of things come up recently that have affected the way I think about myself and my relationships, including relationships within the recovery community. For the time being, I'm choosing to invest myself in the very few people I'm close to, and try to build new bonds. I've realized for a while that won't happen in the recovery program I was in -- it's not what the program is there for. But it's what I need.

I don't want to just show up at meetings of a program and not feel I'm authentically participating. So even though I never "enrolled", I've resigned.

It's good to know that recovery programs like the one I was in will continue to be there, for others & should I decide to return. The support people there gave me -- and will give me again if I need it -- has been huge to me & I don't forget it for a minute.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a step forward if your needs are changing. Don't forget that SR is always here for suport too. Do you think that you'll pursue any new types of support or therapy?

courage2

This forum will be my recovery support until I stop responding to the voices here or you all stop responding to me -- this and meditation and just some behaviors and ways of seeing that I've learned.

I have a psychiatrist -- my husband knows how to reach him if I go 'round the bend (LOL, only kind of. They both said it should be that way.) I might try another type of group support but not right away. I'll be looking around for guidance wherever it can be found!

Aellyce

You sound mindful of the dynamic in your needs. I think you are making a good decision if you feel that you no longer benefit much from the old f2f group and/or are discovering new interests that support your recovery and relationships more. I keep changing what I'm interested in and want to pursue also, mostly based on experience and ongoing changes in what I want to address and need to attend to. SR has been the only constant since I got sober, really. Apart from this, I also have a strong tendency to invest myself into a few people I'm close to and I've always been this way, so for me the group is actually something new and gives rise to development in a less intimate setting. I do love my one-on-one therapy though, despite it sometimes being overwhelming (but that is when the real good stuff typically happens). That is also good education about developing new bonds for me since I have a few old stubborn patterns I sorely need to change in how I relate to people.

Something else that I like is to gradually introduce more and more things in my life that are not really recovery-oriented, but increase the quality of my sober life and help expand possibilities.

Hevyn

I'm glad you wanted to share that, courage. I completely agree with your reasoning. No point in reluctantly sticking with something that you've outgrown. At the same time, you didn't burn your bridges - which is always good.

Soberwolf

Congrats Courage

SoberLeigh

Everything has its time and place; it sounds like you have given much consideration to your decision to make steps in another direction.

Here's to new beginnings, my friend.

Boleo

Oddly enough, I'm starting to feel the same way at the same time as you. I have cut back on my old meetings from from 2 per week to going only when invited to meet someone, which is more like 2 per month.

I have reinvested my time and travel to going to 2 Refuge Recovery meetings per week. I feel more comfortable there because "I can really say it" without having to "lay it between the lines" (Peter, Paul & Mary).

Carlotta

Boleo already wrote what I was going to post

Boleo

"You know, if one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony, they may think they're both fa***ts and they won't take either of them. And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in singing a bar of... And friends they may think it's a movement."
(Arlo Guthrie)

courage2

Thanks for your support here. To give credit, the leader wrote back to me saying she understood and sending love. In meetings, she's completely by the book, so I didn't expect that from her, but I'm glad I wrote to her. As Hevyn says, no bridges burned.

NoelleR

To what kind of meeting/group do you belong where you feel the need to ask permission to leave/stop. I'm not trying to stir the pot, but I've never belonged any meeting/group like that......just asking.

I guess I'm more into the Grace Murray Hopper school of thought....better to beg forgiveness than ask permission............

(o:
NoelleR

courage2

The title of the thread said "without asking permission" -- & that's nothing to do with the recovery group, it's to do with me. I have dwelled in passive aggression too long.

Let's hope that once the passivity's gone, it's not all aggression!

Also, as for why I communicated with anyone -- a) I'm self-important. b) I'd taken on a commitment to the group and thought it was best for me to explain my absence.

That simple. Nothing to do with the type of program. Just to do with me and other human beings and trying to treat people well.