I,too,am starting to dislike me...
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
I,too,am starting to dislike me...
Join the club,hop on the bandwagon,whatever it is,just hate me.I feel everyone I know is (WRONG) and Im right,almost always.Every little aspect of my life is being tested right now,drunk or sober,people places and things are going against me(so I see).Most of the time I feel as though Im right,and of course,I dont go away quietly(again,drunk or sober).I guess its turning into my drunk-self is becoming "everyday me".Sometimes while Im driving,sober,I just wait for someone to flip me the bird or even just a "Im right,youre wrong" look,and Ill be out the pickup truck before I know it.I had a post blocked here last week :stups: and I had sttated I had attended an AA meeting,left half way through,so I am trying different approaches to geting sober(post was very naughty).Im just so sour at the world.Im planning activities for tomorrow to keep my self from drinking,hopefully I wont be a sober "scrooge".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: texas
Posts: 117
Hi Homer,
What I'm hearing is that you think you're always right....and that you're very unhappy.
Could it be possible that you're not always right and that's leading to your unhappiness?
Just thinking out loud.
What I'm hearing is that you think you're always right....and that you're very unhappy.
Could it be possible that you're not always right and that's leading to your unhappiness?
Just thinking out loud.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
I know the feeling real well Homer.
That WTF do they know about how I feel attitude...
In the end though, I came to realize that I was the one testing myself. And when I accepted that, it was easier to start changing my behavior.
A lot of that anger and sourness I was throwing out at the world and at the people around me was really meant for me.
I couldn't stand the sight of my pathetic, sick self anymore.
That WTF do they know about how I feel attitude...
In the end though, I came to realize that I was the one testing myself. And when I accepted that, it was easier to start changing my behavior.
A lot of that anger and sourness I was throwing out at the world and at the people around me was really meant for me.
I couldn't stand the sight of my pathetic, sick self anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Hey buddy...
Welcome back.
I am on day 3 today. I surrendered to my monkey as well, somehow you will have to if you want to stay sober. My plan of attack is 90 meetings in 90 days. I got a sponsor, I am "working" a program. I know you are uncomfortable in AA, but I would ask you to do me a favor. There is a saying in AA -- "fake it til you make it." Maybe go and just listen at meetings with an open mind. When the day comes you get a DUI or in trouble with your drinking, you will have to go anyway, court-ordered.
Buddy, you know I am not looking to preach, and you can email me offline if you want. FOR ME, I cannot drink beer/alcohol, take sleeping pills/muscle relaxers safely. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. Sucks, but that's the way it is. I tried controlling my intake, but you know from my emails, right back where I started and worse. My last drunk was last Thursday -- here is some sick thinking: I was working on a 12 pack, no big deal, typical weeknight drinking (also not typical for the normal drinker). My wife was with the kids at the school for a spaghetti dinner (me home drinking... hmmm). I started thinking after beer 5 that she is not going to go out for more, and by the time I finish the 12 I won't be drunk or passed out -- what to do??? Get out my jumbo Baja Fresh drink cup, fill it with ice and make a margarita! Not just any margarita -- try about 6 oz. of tequila, some brandy, and blue cureceau (sp?). I added some sour mix for flavor. Tasted like crap, but who cares? Finished that, then my beers and I was into oblivion. Oh yeah, no dinner -- that helps the drunk. Man, that is not normal thinking , that is alcoholic thinking! Emailed a friend in the program, and met him the next day at a meeting.
Just wanted to give you perspective on where I'm at. Right now my recovery is more important than anything -- job, family, anything.
You mentioned in your post about being angry drunk or sober. I still have anger/anxiety/fear issues, but I know in my heart this program will work through them. Yesterday in the meeting an old timer said "I came into this program because I had a drinking problem, I stay in the program because I have a thinking problem." That's me -- if it's you too, maybe give it a shot.
Keep in touch -- you know my email. Sorry if I started preaching, but you and I have been on the same path for a while -- maybe we can help each other.
Ken
I am on day 3 today. I surrendered to my monkey as well, somehow you will have to if you want to stay sober. My plan of attack is 90 meetings in 90 days. I got a sponsor, I am "working" a program. I know you are uncomfortable in AA, but I would ask you to do me a favor. There is a saying in AA -- "fake it til you make it." Maybe go and just listen at meetings with an open mind. When the day comes you get a DUI or in trouble with your drinking, you will have to go anyway, court-ordered.
Buddy, you know I am not looking to preach, and you can email me offline if you want. FOR ME, I cannot drink beer/alcohol, take sleeping pills/muscle relaxers safely. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict. Sucks, but that's the way it is. I tried controlling my intake, but you know from my emails, right back where I started and worse. My last drunk was last Thursday -- here is some sick thinking: I was working on a 12 pack, no big deal, typical weeknight drinking (also not typical for the normal drinker). My wife was with the kids at the school for a spaghetti dinner (me home drinking... hmmm). I started thinking after beer 5 that she is not going to go out for more, and by the time I finish the 12 I won't be drunk or passed out -- what to do??? Get out my jumbo Baja Fresh drink cup, fill it with ice and make a margarita! Not just any margarita -- try about 6 oz. of tequila, some brandy, and blue cureceau (sp?). I added some sour mix for flavor. Tasted like crap, but who cares? Finished that, then my beers and I was into oblivion. Oh yeah, no dinner -- that helps the drunk. Man, that is not normal thinking , that is alcoholic thinking! Emailed a friend in the program, and met him the next day at a meeting.
Just wanted to give you perspective on where I'm at. Right now my recovery is more important than anything -- job, family, anything.
You mentioned in your post about being angry drunk or sober. I still have anger/anxiety/fear issues, but I know in my heart this program will work through them. Yesterday in the meeting an old timer said "I came into this program because I had a drinking problem, I stay in the program because I have a thinking problem." That's me -- if it's you too, maybe give it a shot.
Keep in touch -- you know my email. Sorry if I started preaching, but you and I have been on the same path for a while -- maybe we can help each other.
Ken
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
Damn Ken,you always show up at the wrong/right time. 
Im not drinking today,so hats off to me, by me.I am getting screwier by the day(mostly hidden from others).Its to the point where family,friends and new people in my life create a 0% patience tolerance level,I think you know what I mean by that.Im rapidly losing my life,my good years of *this* life.I told you people before I just cant get started,cant/absolutely not go to an inpatient deal nor realistically go to several meetings per week on out-patient counseling thing.See,I guess Im more functionable than I portray myself to be,because without my "part" in this family it kinda just ends,or MAJOR disrupts my kids' lives.Eventually I will do something good for me,like,say.........get sober.BTW,any "hugs for my wife"(previous posting) posts dont score ya any points from her,sorry.
Im not drinking today,so hats off to me, by me.I am getting screwier by the day(mostly hidden from others).Its to the point where family,friends and new people in my life create a 0% patience tolerance level,I think you know what I mean by that.Im rapidly losing my life,my good years of *this* life.I told you people before I just cant get started,cant/absolutely not go to an inpatient deal nor realistically go to several meetings per week on out-patient counseling thing.See,I guess Im more functionable than I portray myself to be,because without my "part" in this family it kinda just ends,or MAJOR disrupts my kids' lives.Eventually I will do something good for me,like,say.........get sober.BTW,any "hugs for my wife"(previous posting) posts dont score ya any points from her,sorry.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
I'm prettty f***d up too, man. AND, same as you, family man, work hard, etc. No inpatient or outpatient for me, just AA. When I first started in AA last year (and lasted 100 days before blowing it), my wife used to complain that the kids keep asking where I was going, how much time I spend away from the kids....blah....blah....blah. I think she may finally understand that the hour a day I spend in a meeting is WAY better than the HOURS every night I spent drunk; functional sometimes, rude as hell sometimes, abusive (verbally) to her sometimes -- never knew who was showing up!
Every time I read your posts, I get that you WANT to get sober -- the question is how? Lots of ways, just takes a commitment on your part. For me, has to be the most important thing OR ELSE -- the sh!tty committee in my head starts playing games, and I want to escape my own bullsh!t. For me, AA is convenient, and there are many, many folks way worse than I am/was who are now sober and happy. PLUS -- meetings are all over the place, free (unless you contribute when passing the hat), and I can be as involved as I want. Some days I don't feel like talking, so I don't -- some days I have a lot to say.
Today, in fact is a pretty angry day for me. I don't know why, I am just frustrated and angry. But I know that I have a meeting at 5:30. I also know that I won't drink there, I have people who understand the crap I go through, and I usually feel better after being there.
Glad to see you back on the boards, buddy -- feel free to email me anytime....I can answer any questions you have on AA or just shoot the sh!t.
Oh yeah -- another bonus of being sober -- not spending all my extra money on beer -- that crap adds up!
Hope you are staying well....
Ken
Every time I read your posts, I get that you WANT to get sober -- the question is how? Lots of ways, just takes a commitment on your part. For me, has to be the most important thing OR ELSE -- the sh!tty committee in my head starts playing games, and I want to escape my own bullsh!t. For me, AA is convenient, and there are many, many folks way worse than I am/was who are now sober and happy. PLUS -- meetings are all over the place, free (unless you contribute when passing the hat), and I can be as involved as I want. Some days I don't feel like talking, so I don't -- some days I have a lot to say.
Today, in fact is a pretty angry day for me. I don't know why, I am just frustrated and angry. But I know that I have a meeting at 5:30. I also know that I won't drink there, I have people who understand the crap I go through, and I usually feel better after being there.
Glad to see you back on the boards, buddy -- feel free to email me anytime....I can answer any questions you have on AA or just shoot the sh!t.
Oh yeah -- another bonus of being sober -- not spending all my extra money on beer -- that crap adds up!
Hope you are staying well....
Ken
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
This codie will send her a hug, Homer.
Marge, where there is willingness there is hope and I have hope for Homer and if you aren't sure, just take a look around at all the miracles right here. Homer sober today is a miracle, and we take our miracles one day at a time.
Hugs and prayers for both of you
Ann
Marge, where there is willingness there is hope and I have hope for Homer and if you aren't sure, just take a look around at all the miracles right here. Homer sober today is a miracle, and we take our miracles one day at a time.
Hugs and prayers for both of you
Ann
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 390
Dan and Ken,you make much sense to me,figured I had to say that.My 1 hour stay at an AA meeting was not that bad but I just felt like I dont belong there.I listened to a couple of stories,really listened,and did not get any feeling that made me beleive I should be there.Although I am a heavy drinker,a non-dependant alcoholic,I really think I need different than AA,like a shrink and that really scares me.Its hereditary in my family and I passed it on to my 8 yearold,its panic disorder.I guess I have 2 diseases happening right now in my life and I think the root of my self-desructive behavoir is trying to deal with the anxiety,freakish worries,panic attacks and the racing mind that comes quite often everyday,for many years.I absolutely drink to calm myself,which Ive been doing for so many years now,it became everyday life habits.But I still have panic disorder,it does not go away with drinking but makes it a less painful on my emotional self.Im still trying to find a solution without medicine or alcohol.
Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Leaving Sparta
Posts: 2,912
Homer I know that feeling of absolute resentfulness.
Everything used to **** me off. From a song on the radio to entire nations of peoples.It is not easy to carry that kind of weight on your shoulders.In my delusionment I too felt that I was the only one with the right solution and ya'll were yodeling up the wrong tree.
Drivers on the road minding their own business were my sworn enemies.Politicians were out to get me and the foolish weather man could'nt even get the weather right.
My unfortunate condition was a byproduct of drunkenness and is a form of paranoia which is also a form of insanity.
Everything used to **** me off. From a song on the radio to entire nations of peoples.It is not easy to carry that kind of weight on your shoulders.In my delusionment I too felt that I was the only one with the right solution and ya'll were yodeling up the wrong tree.
Drivers on the road minding their own business were my sworn enemies.Politicians were out to get me and the foolish weather man could'nt even get the weather right.
My unfortunate condition was a byproduct of drunkenness and is a form of paranoia which is also a form of insanity.
happyman
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: glasgow,scotland
Posts: 10
We,of Alcoholics Anonymous,are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.To show other Alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book.
quote from foreword to the first edition.
I know how you guys feel i have been there to.That is why the big book was written to show other Alcoholics how to recover from a hopeless state of mind and body "this works please try it with someone who has been through it themselfs"
hope you guys get this its there if you want it.May your GOD be with you and if you feel he is not, i'll ask mine to help you he is always there for me.
quote from foreword to the first edition.
I know how you guys feel i have been there to.That is why the big book was written to show other Alcoholics how to recover from a hopeless state of mind and body "this works please try it with someone who has been through it themselfs"
hope you guys get this its there if you want it.May your GOD be with you and if you feel he is not, i'll ask mine to help you he is always there for me.
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