Ism?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Chi
Posts: 22
Ism?
Hi everyone.
I'm tired today... Just taking it slow, drinking lots of water. I hope I sleep better tonight.
Can someone explain this notion of ISM in alcoholism? Is that like a dry-drunk? I've packed so much stuff away that I know, if I'm undertanding this correctly, that I have plenty of ISM to address. Growing up in a family that just smiled and said "I'm fine"when you weren't, never feeling able to address pain because you were guilted into saying you were wrong for feeling that... These bits and pieces cause me to feel sad and then angry...And then I wanna drink. But when I'm sober, even for the months that I have been in the past, I only get so far in dealing with this, with the residue of issues that still linger (ignoring things doesn't work -- word to the wise!) and then I slip up and am back to square one.
Crazy cycle.
Even now, in writing this, I'm guilting myself into trying to push it aside, not to address it, and telling myself I have no right to feel this way.
Catching yourself guilting yourself about feeling sad because you were often guilted into not feeling something. Is that a catch 22 or what?!
How do you deal (or dealt) with the ISM? (Please correct me if I'm using this term wrong. I think I'm undertanding it, but perhaps not! Many thanks, my friends.)
I'm tired today... Just taking it slow, drinking lots of water. I hope I sleep better tonight.
Can someone explain this notion of ISM in alcoholism? Is that like a dry-drunk? I've packed so much stuff away that I know, if I'm undertanding this correctly, that I have plenty of ISM to address. Growing up in a family that just smiled and said "I'm fine"when you weren't, never feeling able to address pain because you were guilted into saying you were wrong for feeling that... These bits and pieces cause me to feel sad and then angry...And then I wanna drink. But when I'm sober, even for the months that I have been in the past, I only get so far in dealing with this, with the residue of issues that still linger (ignoring things doesn't work -- word to the wise!) and then I slip up and am back to square one.
Crazy cycle.
Even now, in writing this, I'm guilting myself into trying to push it aside, not to address it, and telling myself I have no right to feel this way.
Catching yourself guilting yourself about feeling sad because you were often guilted into not feeling something. Is that a catch 22 or what?!
How do you deal (or dealt) with the ISM? (Please correct me if I'm using this term wrong. I think I'm undertanding it, but perhaps not! Many thanks, my friends.)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I don't know what 'ism' means.
But, I do know for sure that I absolutely had to deal with the underlying issues in my life in order to recovery. Of course, stopping drinking was first, but then the hard work began. I had to learn how to manage to get through life without being swept away by my emotions. I had to learn to depend on myself and to begin to like and love myself. I had to learn to say 'No' without feeling guilty.
It could be that counselling or therapy could help you to find ways to work on the issues that are there but difficult to handle.
But, I do know for sure that I absolutely had to deal with the underlying issues in my life in order to recovery. Of course, stopping drinking was first, but then the hard work began. I had to learn how to manage to get through life without being swept away by my emotions. I had to learn to depend on myself and to begin to like and love myself. I had to learn to say 'No' without feeling guilty.
It could be that counselling or therapy could help you to find ways to work on the issues that are there but difficult to handle.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by April202015 
Can someone explain this notion of ISM in alcoholism?
I suffered from alcohol-ISM as a result of not-drinking; feeling restless, irritable, discontented, uncomfortable in my own skin, etc...
It was not until I treated the ISM component of alcohol-ISM, that I began feeling comfortable in my own skin again and sobriety was worth having every moment of my day.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Do not set your expectations too high early in sobriety. Dealing with all the emotional stuff, some of which triggered us to drink, takes time, effort and persistent work. In the meantime, we have to have a short term plan to avoid taking a drink so that we can give ourselves the chance and time to effect spiritual change. Focus more on not drinking and the develop a plan for just that. These other issues can and will be dealt with in time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
I have heard all if this in the rooms of aa. I can attest to, "I Sponsor Myself.". The reality, for me, myself, and I, us that I have been UNABLE to have lasting sobriety without the help of God and others. We are here to help one another.
What is this ism part of alcoholism? Good acronyms for ism are : I, Self, Me or I Sponsor Myself or Internal Spiritual Malady (or Maladjustment), or Incredibly Short Memory or InSide Me or I Sabotage Myself. In short the “ism” is all about the alcoholic and how they cope with the many things encountered in life. This ism is one of self-centeredness taken to the extreme. The ism involves more than the act of drinking. Feelings of inadequacy, isolation, restlessness, anxiety, depression, fear and guilt are just a few of the “isms” that the alcoholic wrestles with daily.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
ISM = I Self Me Self cent redness.
ISM = Internal Spiritual Malady , see the bedevilments page 50 ish.
ISM = Incredibly Short Memory , have trouble remembering why we stopped drinking.
There's bound to be more, but the message is that just stopping drinking does not treat alcoholism.
ISM = Internal Spiritual Malady , see the bedevilments page 50 ish.
ISM = Incredibly Short Memory , have trouble remembering why we stopped drinking.
There's bound to be more, but the message is that just stopping drinking does not treat alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I = I
S = Self
M = ME
I have also heard "I Sponsor Myself"
The "ISM" is what remains after the alcohol is removed. All the anger, fear, resentment, self pity, victim mentality, blame, justification and rationalization. The terminal uniqueness caused by addiction to alcohol.
The "ISM" is what the BB and the AA program addresses. It is what is going on behind the scenes. Alcohol is a symptom or it was what the alcoholic used to solve he problem. It was not the actual problem and many of us after being sober awhile can identify that many of the defects of character we have started way before we ever had a drop to drink.
S = Self
M = ME
I have also heard "I Sponsor Myself"
The "ISM" is what remains after the alcohol is removed. All the anger, fear, resentment, self pity, victim mentality, blame, justification and rationalization. The terminal uniqueness caused by addiction to alcohol.
The "ISM" is what the BB and the AA program addresses. It is what is going on behind the scenes. Alcohol is a symptom or it was what the alcoholic used to solve he problem. It was not the actual problem and many of us after being sober awhile can identify that many of the defects of character we have started way before we ever had a drop to drink.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: northern AZ
Posts: 796
If I'm understanding you correctly, I don't think guilt is the issue. It sounds more like shame to me. Guilt says "What I did was bad" while shame says "I am bad." Sorry if I'm wrong about that. If not, you might find these helpful:
The Difference Between Shame and Guilt, and Why It Matters
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Talk Video | TED.com
Sobriety is a process during which we discover more and more about not only ourselves but those around us with the new eyes we acquire as we progress through the stages of healing body, mind and spirit. Early on, its best to take baby steps. But if these videos might help with the triggers right now, it wouldn't hurt to watch.
The Difference Between Shame and Guilt, and Why It Matters
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Talk Video | TED.com
Sobriety is a process during which we discover more and more about not only ourselves but those around us with the new eyes we acquire as we progress through the stages of healing body, mind and spirit. Early on, its best to take baby steps. But if these videos might help with the triggers right now, it wouldn't hurt to watch.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I feel that the ISM has different yet many of the same traits with different people.
There are so many traits that can trigger or be part of us that it’s a great tool to be aware of them.
Anger, control, fear, worry, anxiety, compulsion, overdoing-----, many personal traits and on and on.
For me it’s a dripping faucet which angers me, less over the years, but is still annoying along with some other small things. I need to ask myself “how important is it?”
As stated it’s a lot of work to know what they are and not allow them to bother us enough to drink over.
BE WELL
I feel that the ISM has different yet many of the same traits with different people.
There are so many traits that can trigger or be part of us that it’s a great tool to be aware of them.
Anger, control, fear, worry, anxiety, compulsion, overdoing-----, many personal traits and on and on.
For me it’s a dripping faucet which angers me, less over the years, but is still annoying along with some other small things. I need to ask myself “how important is it?”
As stated it’s a lot of work to know what they are and not allow them to bother us enough to drink over.
BE WELL
L'il fighter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Mississauga, Ontario
Posts: 297
I spent years going back and forth between drinking and sobriety. I always relapsed, because I never addressed the 'ism' portion in my psyche. I definitely think the term "dry drunk' refers to this idea.
I'm only at the beginning stages of addressing these issues for myself. I had to get serious about fully engaging in a recovery program, whereas before I'd simply stop drinking and carry on with my life. But that was only a small piece of the puzzle, so it's no wonder I always eventually relapsed.
I'm only at the beginning stages of addressing these issues for myself. I had to get serious about fully engaging in a recovery program, whereas before I'd simply stop drinking and carry on with my life. But that was only a small piece of the puzzle, so it's no wonder I always eventually relapsed.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Hi April, I can relate to the "feelings" part of your post. I was raised much like you in that sense, it sounds like. I didn't even realize it until after I quit drinking. I was never encouraged to talk about my feelings if they were unpleasant. Anything unpleasant was swept under the rug.."you're tired", "just sleep on it", etc., never addressed. So as an adult, whenever I'd feel something unpleasant (anger, resentment, jealousy, etc) I would do that to myself. I'd be talking to a friend and say something about my feelings and follow it immediately up with "but it doesn't matter, it's fine". I remember my friend saying, 'no..it's NOT fine, your feelings matter". And then me, "No..really they don't in the big picture. I just have to deal with it". I mean it's amazing if I think about it now. No wonder I drank so much! Drinking helps squash feelings!
So back to what you can do about it...I think it takes practice. Just like sobriety, you need to strengthen that muscle, you need to practice. You need to remind yourself that feelings aren't right or wrong..they're feelings. That's it's ok to have any feeling you have. Sit with it. Stay sober with it. Talk about it. You'll get better at it. You're not used it, I totally understand, I'm with you, but it'll get easier. You can break that cycle and you'll be stronger on the other side of it.
So back to what you can do about it...I think it takes practice. Just like sobriety, you need to strengthen that muscle, you need to practice. You need to remind yourself that feelings aren't right or wrong..they're feelings. That's it's ok to have any feeling you have. Sit with it. Stay sober with it. Talk about it. You'll get better at it. You're not used it, I totally understand, I'm with you, but it'll get easier. You can break that cycle and you'll be stronger on the other side of it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by April202015
Growing up in a family that just smiled and said "I'm fine"when you weren't, never feeling able to address pain because you were guilted into saying you were wrong for feeling that... These bits and pieces cause me to feel sad and then angry...
My family was the same way. We didn’t talk about feelings and if you did you were basically told, what you feel is wrong or feelings and expressing them was disrespectful.
I had a lot of anger when I first got sober as all of those feelings came rushing in that I used alcohol to bury.
I have come to find out that I am allowed to feel anyway I want. I can feel anger and sadness but it what I choose to do with those feelings is what makes the difference for me today. I can drink and escape them or I can face the pain and recover.
Sitting in pain was new to me and it is not pleasant. It does not getter better because I am sober but today I have options. I can go to an AA meeting, I can talk it over with a friend or sponsor. I can come on here and get advice. There are other ways of dealing with it than to drink. Drinking is no longer the solution to my feelings.
I also had to stop behaving and reacting like a victim. My childhood was just that, my childhood and I found myself still looking at it like a child. The anger of not being heard was there. But I am an adult now. It is time to let go of the old wounds so I can make a new beginning. I had to change my life, my way of thinking and I have had to let some people go but my life now is much better than it was
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
from webster's...
Full Definition of ISM
1
: a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory
2
: an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief <we all have got to come to grips with our isms — Joycelyn Elders>
Full Definition of ISM
1
: a distinctive doctrine, cause, or theory
2
: an oppressive and especially discriminatory attitude or belief <we all have got to come to grips with our isms — Joycelyn Elders>
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
"Alcoholism a primary, chronic disease with genetic, psychosocial, and environmental factors influencing its development and manifestations. The disease is often progressive and fatal. It is characterized by impaired control over drinking, preoccupation with the drug alcohol, use of alcohol despite adverse consequences, and distortions in thinking, most notably denial. Each of these symptoms may be continuous or periodic." The definition of alcoholism. The Joint Committee of the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence and the American Society of Addiction M... - PubMed - NCBI
Works for me, more or less. Alcohol addiction isn't a symptom of anything, and people die sometimes thinking they have to solve some other underlying problem before they can stop drinking. Your reptile/A/AV/lizard brain/whatever you wish to call it loves that sort of thinking.
Works for me, more or less.
Alcohol addiction isn't a symptom of anything, and people die sometimes thinking they have to solve some other underlying problem before they can stop drinking. Your reptile/A/AV/lizard brain/whatever you wish to call it loves that sort of thinking. Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by Bmac
Do not set your expectations too high early in sobriety. Dealing with all the emotional stuff, some of which triggered us to drink, takes time, effort and persistent work. In the meantime, we have to have a short term plan to avoid taking a drink so that we can give ourselves the chance and time to effect spiritual change. Focus more on not drinking and the develop a plan for just that. These other issues can and will be dealt with in time.
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