nick91

I started drinking at the age of 13, and I've never drunk just few beers, I was drinking until I pass out or go to sleep. The problems came when I was about 20, I had no work and I used to drink a lot, probably once every 2 or 3 days, sometimes every day. One morning after very heavy alcohol use I was drinking coffee and doing some workout, when I started feeling that intense fear from nothing, that I didn't knew back then, was a panic attack and had high blood pressure (120 - 200) and nothing helped with that (I took validol and blood pressure lowering drugs), so I went to the emergency, where they said it was nothing to worry about, they taught I have been using amphetamines or extasy and lie about it, because I said I drink regularly and smoke some weed sometimes, that was totally incompetent and stupid. Thank god (actually I'm an atheist but that's the word) I was able to inform my self and understand that's the problem. Than I stopped cold turkey, it was a pretty bad withdrawal, with lot of arrhythmias and heartaches, nightmares and so on. I was sober almost an year, and then when the symptoms have faded away I decided I can safely start drinking again, but this time I decided to drink only beer, as I thought this is much safer(it turned out to be so, in a way, actually). It's been about 3 years now, I just turned 24. Last summer I drank 2 - 5 liters of beer every single evening, sometimes even more, and I was ok, didn't have much energy during the day, but it was fine, I thought myself that I do it because I have ****** work traveling far from my city and my friends(not that I had many left), and I will stop getting drunk every day when I get home in the winter, which I actually did, and the withdrawals started, a 2-3 days of abstinence after each time I drink, with paranoya, really bad depression and sometimes mild delirium. Here is the place to say, first of all I obviously have developed kindling, last few years. Second, I had mild delirium many times, the way I explain it to myself is that I've done strong deliriants like datura stramonium seeds and biperiden, and from what I know dissociative and deliriant drugs work like that, is much easier to have halucinations after you've had once. Actually, I've tried most of the illicit drugs out there in my teen years, from glue to different pills and heroin, all one or 2 times out of curiosity, and never came back, except the weed, which I smoke from time to time. Anyway, it's 11 day I'm sober now, quitted cold turkey and it was nothing too severe, sweating/shaking, the nightmares which I still have from time to time, oh, the first day morning I literally thought I might die, it was pretty ******* bad, but that passes. That's my story in few words, and I'm sober now. I don't know what you think about it, and if I fully qualify as an alcoholic in your eyes, and so on, but here's what I want to ask you
First of all, I have developed some agoraphobia, will this fade away after some time on its own? Second, I haven't drank coffee last few years, I just can't, every time I take a sip of coffee or drink 50-100 g of coca-cola I feel warm waves, and nervousness/headache, sometimes even a heart pain, when I'll be able to drink coffee again, in your opinion? And third, and most frustrating, when I smoke weed I have intense bad and discomfort feelings and full blown severe panic attacks, and I want to smoke weed, not to mention i'm too afraid to do little speed or extasy, seeing how the caffeine affect me, this will probably lead to a devastating bad trip. Now you probably will judge me about the drugs, but look it in my point of view, I'm not addictive to those, I want to use responsively, and I must do drugs, at least weed, I literally can't socialize without going to parties where speed and marijuana is used, I mean literally no way, every one of my ex schoolmates and friends uses alcohol/weed/speed.

Thank you for your time and opinion

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR nick.

I also had bad anxiety and panic during the last days of my drinking and my anxiety carried over into my sobriety. It has improved but still can be a problem at times, I am seeking counseling to help me with it as it's really an underlying problem. Yours may be the same - drug and alcohol addiction can make many problems worse ( depression, anxiety, etc ) and simply stopping the drugs/drink in itself doesn't cure those conditions.

Regarding your drug use, you quite possibly have just replaced one addiction with another. My body reacts much more quickly to even caffeine now too, so I avoid it.

The bottom line though is that you'll never be able to fix any of the underlying issues until you get sober - the drugs interfere with your normal brain function and exacerbate the other problems. SR is a great place to find support in quitting and staying quit, hope you can stick around and join us.

doggonecarl

Not to judge, as I was a poly-drug addict and abuser and alcoholic, but this is pure bunk. I think your body is telling you it's time to stop. You say you aren't addicted to drugs, but in the same sentence say "I must do drugs..." What's the difference between "must do" and addicted?

You don't need weed, you say, but its use gives you anxiety and panic attacks and flashbacks. Doesn't sound enjoyable. Yet you want to continue the use? That's doesn't sound recreational to me. Sound like abnormally coping with stuff other people deal with sober and clean.

I think cutting out the drinking is a great start. I hope you can accept that drug free is as important as alcohol free to get on with a healthy life.

Bh28

I'm a bit confused by your story mate.

First you say Then you say: ?

Soberwolf

Welcome Nick

nick91

I'm pretty sure I don't have a problem with other drugs, I fully realize that it don't sound like that, but I'm pretty sure it is so.
But sadly enough, I don't have many friends, mostly because I prefered to drink alone instead of socializing, and now I must change that, and my whole life style, and do it as fast as possible. I feel I can't explain it well in few words, but I'll try. Just everyone I know use something, and most young people around here as general. I'm somewhat an introvert, though I fit pretty well when I want to, it is a way more difficult without alcohol sometimes, but I can handle it, the problem is I won't have anyone to socialize with if it's not for drugs/weed, thus I need to have weed and smoke or hit a line of speed from time to time, maybe buy a 6 pack of nonalcohol beer, so I can have something in common with other people, I don't care for the high too much. Though I don't show it I desperately need friends and many different people to socialize with, my family is broken, I live with my mom, that is an alcoholic and uses benzos, I think(Deanxit), and I really don't have that bunch of people to smile at me and help me stop drinking, I work illegally and don't have a doctor, that's why I had to do the cold turkey in the first place, it is nice there are forums like this, but this can't substitute real communication between people.

So, that's my biggest problem with alcohol, that's why I hate not being able to smoke weed and act normal/feel comfortable. So yes, I must be somehow addicted to weed, in a social sense, but not in psychological, like I must get high

P.S. I don't know if I will be active user over here, but it is nice there are places like that.

ScottFromWI

I'm curious - what exactly makes you think you don't have a problem with drugs? Pretty much everything you listed in your posts would suggest that you DO have a problem with them.

You mention changing your lifestyle, that is generally necessary. Once I got sober I realized that the people I hung out with ( alcoholics ) are the minority by a long shot. Most people do NOT drink on a daily basis or drink in excess, or take drugs to enable social interaction. We ( addicts ) just gravitate towards those that are like us so our habits are not questioned.

nick91

Because I never give money for drugs even though I have money and don't have drugs, because I usually only smoke weed from time to time, that is not really addictive, at least for me, because I refuse free drugs 9 out of 10 times, for reasons like I don't liked the party too much, that an addict will never do. The other thing I do speed - not meth, once a few months, on a party, few lines (~0.2g), this is far less than what many people would even call a recreational use. So, pretty sure I'm not addicted to those.
But yeah, I might be addicted to some parts of that lifestyle, if you can call this an addiction

nick91

Because I never give money for drugs even though I have money and don't have drugs, because I usually only smoke weed from time to time, that is not really addictive, at least for me, because I refuse free drugs 9 out of 10 times, for reasons like I don't liked the party too much, that an addict will never do. The other thing I do speed - not meth, once a few months, on a party, few lines (~0.2g), this is far less than what many people would even call a recreational use. So, pretty sure I'm not addicted to those.
But yeah, I might be addicted to some parts of that lifestyle, if you can call this an addiction

I know that, just from when I stand now this explanation seems out of proportion. But even so, isn't it better to be in a company of people that use drugs you're not addicted to, and I don't know what you imagine, I mean quite popular and successful people, that outstander would never thought were using, than no people at all, leading to utterly depression?

ScottFromWI

It's better to be in the company of people who don't use any drugs, which is actually the majority. Or even better yet, be in the company of those who are in recovery so you can learn how to recover yourself and learn from them.

If you aren't addicted to the other drugs, then the solution is very simple - just stop using them. You indicate that you get a bad effect from them, so just stop doing them. If you can't stop then you know you have a problem.

AliWProk

My husband and I do not drink or do drugs at all. But he has had panic attacks for years. He has to take Xanax (like a flake of a pill) daily to keep from having them, and then he has to take another flake with a quarter of an Ambien each night to sleep (or he'll have panic attacks in his sleep). So it's not necessary drugs or alcohol causing his panic attacks - it is an underlying problem he could probably solve with talk therapy.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Nick!!

Dee74

Hi Nick

I smoked weed for 30 years - believe me it can screw you up. If you're not addicted you should be able to stop and walk away, no worries.

There's some really good advice here - I hope you think about it

D

Bh28

Dee you are not old mate. 30 years? That's about as long I've been alive. Almost.

thomas11

Hi nick, it appears English may not be your first language, and if it is I apologize. You have laid out some troubling patterns. Much of it seems to lie within your friends. Somehow you have found this website, signed up and decided to post. That should be your first indication that maybe, JUST MAYBE, you might have some issues that need to be addressed. Best wishes.

Bh28

He does have issues but I think he's in a denial.

sugarbear1

If there are no issues, try not using any drugs or alcohol for 6 months to a year and then see how you feel! No issue, no problem doing this!

nick91

Yes, I have my issues, of course. I think I'm not in denial of those, but I'm subjective, I can't know that for sure..
And to be quite honest, I just can't possibly imagine where and how to meet that kind of people I like, that are not using anything, in few words. I just love the way people act on substances, and the ideas they share, though I hate most of their lifestyle, and how utterly unreliable they are, which, strangely enough, I managed not to be, to some acceptable extent.

I don't think I have some non-alcohol related psychosis, for example It's been almost 2 weeks I'm sober, and my agoraphobia seems to be almost gone. Not same with the anxiety though, sometimes I get nervous for nothing, have a headache, unpleasantly feel my heartbeat without having high blood pressure, and so, but I think this is normal, I had those episodes from time to time last time I stopped drinking for about 6 months. For example today, I got anxious, got to sleep, than waked up with that, ate an apple, and it magically went away.

I started searching for devastating alcohol abuse videos and inform myself, in order to build up strong negative feelings about alcohol, so I don't trick myself that it is alright to drink, after a year or so. The most useful thing I learned is about the PAWS and kindling btw, I feel it's terrible how people are not well informed, or even misinformed about alcohol effects.
Also it is great to read your stories of success, struggling with dependency, and it's nice I can share mine with people that understand it all too well, most people are, well, a strange thing about me, I tend to be assertive in such a way that no one judges me, so I can't really say judgemental, but ignorant at best.

PS yes, english is not my native language, I hope it's not that obvious, but it looks like it

Dee74

I had no idea where to meet non drinking or normal drinking people either Nick but the longer I was sober the more obvious those people became to me.

I had to change my life quite a lot...but it has been in no way a loss

D

Mikie9

Nick I understand the using drugs/alcohol alone thing. I am not a social person, so drugs and alcohol entertained me. Now that I am older, I wish I had learned to socialize sober earlier on. I put so much effort into my drug and alcohol use, all pro like. Why couldn't I have put that effort into staying sober? At 43 years of age, it doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter, does it? Focus on what you know is important. If you need help being comfortable socializing focus on that. IF you are just a loner by nature, that is fine!

Catching a buzz is not going to make the next 20 years any better. It will just be more of the same, and you will end up at the same place, wanting to learn to be ok in life, without outside influence.