maybear

Hi
I am posting in this forum as I was hoping for a bit of insight.
My husband an alcoholic has been off on a downward spiral living at his dad's (also an alcoholic) place for almost two months. I asked him to leave after he relapsed.
I haven't heard from him in the time that he has been gone.
I've had a few contacts from a couple of his friends though to inform me of what a bad state he is in.
Last night one of the friends contacted me again. She said that she believes that he needs to be put in treatment involuntarily due to his mental health. She said she truly believes that he has no choice to get better or to choose recovery himself because of how badly his mental health has declined. She is urging me to pursue this involuntary treatment option for him.
I am reluctant.
Can you tell me, those that have had serious mental health concerns - do you/did you still have a choice to drink or were you completely powerless?
Thanks

ScottFromWI

I believe I always had the choice to start drinking, but once I started there was no stopping until I was passed out in bed for the night. When I finally quit for good it was a conscious decision on my part - I still remember the day vividly. I woke up and knew that i had to stop so I called my doctor, our local rehab center and a bunch of other places to find out what to do.

Having said that, if he's a danger to himself or those around him because of his mental illness and drinking it might be necessary for you or someone to intervene. Even then it doesn't guarantee he'll stay sober, but it would get him admitted to some kind of inpatient facility for evaluation most likely.

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^

Bmac

Not sure what country you are in, but you can look up "involuntary commitment" to see if there are laws like this where you live.

zjw

my mental state wasnt to great in the end. i questioned my own sanity i felt like i was slipping and if i didnt do something soon i'd be gone. So i can see how someone could hit a point where they where too far gone and someone else might have to step in. It might work might give the person a bit of clarity enough to hopefully make the choice themselves to remain sober.

RobbyRobot

Hello maybear. Sorry for your hurtings.

My last few years of drinking were of extreme chronic alcoholism. Along with this I was dealing with extreme mental problems (psychosis). Looking at the choices to drink vs being powerless is a hot topic for discussion. Speaking for myself, I always chose to drink, that is, intelligently choosing to not ever drink was beyond my awareness. Yeah, sure, I could stop for short intervals and whatever. So what? Even broken clocks are correct twice a day, yeah? Quit for good though? In the condition I was in. Not a chance. I tried to quit for six years until finally I went to a street-level residential rehab in 1981 and had a supervised detox. The detox was brutal. Took almost a month before sanity returned and I could truly appreciate wanting to be sober. During that month and the next two, my psyche was changed and renewed. I went from an alcoholic mindset to a sober mindset. This was done via a spiritual revolution within me. I didn't go all God gaga either. I simply became agnostic on spiritual resources, Agnostic, meaning all knowledge can't be fully known. God can't be proved or disproved. I chose to belief faith had importance to me. I became a spiritual person with a sober life-style. I'm an agnostic Christian. Before quitting, I was simply agnostic.

I am a recovered alcoholic drug addict. There is no cure for my alcoholism. My alcoholic mind, the part of me that always wants a drink, is in full remission. My sober mind, the part of me that will never choose to drink, is alive and well empowered.

So, being changed, in spite of my alcoholism, I can now chose to not drink. While drinking, and with an alcoholic mind, the best I can do is to choose to drink myself to death. Serious stuff.

As for involuntary treatment being forced on a chronic active alcoholic, I don't believe this would bring lasting success. Forcing alcoholics to not drink rarely works out well. I base my opinion on my 33 years experience of unbroken sobriety and working with other extreme alcoholics and drug addicts.

There has to be real and responsible self-initiative in play for a true detox and thereafter a practiced sober lifestyle for true and lasting success, imo. As for powerlessness, it wasn't that I was powerless to stop drinking, I was powerless to stay quit without a complete renewal.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

maybear

Hi RobbyRobot
If you don't mind me asking, how did you get into detox then if you weren't able to make that decision? Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your input

RobbyRobot

My getting into detox was arranged by a counsellor I was seeing who believed I would suicide sooner than later. I had already confirmed as much with my behaviors. Getting to the detox wasn't the difficult part actually. Just another place to crash, you know? Staying long enough to detox, that is a whole other level. I was able to stay absolutely because I was fellowshipped with 23 other residents who were also from the street. To be clear, I was a complete down and out drunk. Washed out. FUBAR.

These guys stayed with me 24/7 for like 10 days. I went through extreme DT's. All under the supervision of the in-house doctor. the rest of the next 15 days and change I slowly came to my senses. My entire stay was three months. Then I graduated.

So, I did make a decision to quit, but it only worked because I was helped so much to keep that choice strong and relevant. Without the residential help, I absolutely would have returned to drinking, just like I always had for the last six previous years, proving I could not make such choices stick on my own.

Does that help explain?

maybear

It does, thank you.
He's been to detox and rehab before. Just fairly short stays in both. He was home for two weeks and relapsed.
He know where and how to get help, I just don't know if he is capable according to this friend of his.
Thanks so much for your help

JeffreyAK

At the end of my drinking days I was a total wreck, it was horrible, drinking all day every day. I would not have had the strength on my own to stop it because I didn't really want to, wife had moved out (she couldn't take it), felt abandoned by my friends (they couldn't take it), I was just fading in depression and misery - life was unravelling and increasingly I did not care. What pulled me out enough to go through what I knew what would be the detox from hell was my wife visiting and giving me another chance if I was willing to finally stop and mean it.

MelindaFlowers

Yes, I always had the choice to drink and I had the daily reprieve of quitting tomorrow. It was always tomorrow. What's one more night, right? I lived in about two years of tomorrows. Before that, I didn't actually want to stop.

My mental health was deteriorating. I was anxious, depressed, angry, and lost. Drinking used to wash all those feelings away until it stopped working. Yes, alcohol stops physically working. You don't get drunk anymore. You get sloppy and black out but you skip the buzz.

gaffo

I'm so sorry that you are going through this with your husband.

I think that for myself, drinking was not good for my mental health but I have come to realize that I am a very strong person with an iron constitution. The way that I was able to quit alcohol, cigs and pot is simply beyond most people. I'm not bragging, that's just the way that it is. Coming to this conclusion has enabled me to be patient and loving with the alcoholics in my life as they literally drink themselves to death. Is this a mental health issue? Yes, I believe so but caused by the drinking.

However, I do know people, one in particular comes to mind, who were probably mentally troubled before they picked up their first drink. The combination of untreated mental issues with escalating alcoholism is a real hot mess. The guy I'm thinking of takes all kinds of prescribed pills for his "anxiety" and "ADHD" on top of really heavy drinking and the result is frightening. I fear that he is not long for this world but I had to go "no contact" to protect myself. I did try to help for quite a while. You just can't make someone quit drinking if they don't want to.

Good luck to you.

maybear

Thanks so much for the replies.
I did send my husband some information on a couple of treatment options just before and just said that I am hoping he will choose to get some help soon as we are all worried.
But I just left it at that for now.
I think he had some issues before the drinking and self medicates with it. No doubt it makes everything so much worse for him mentally though. He was so much happier, less anxious when sober. He can't handle responsibility though, that always tips him over the edge. I guess becoming a husband and having a baby is just all too much for him.
Thank you again

Pouncer

Hi (((MayBear)))

I just stopped in to give you a cyber hug. I think you did the right thing by asking him to move out. It is odd but relapse guilt keeps us drinking even more. When you are the type of person who has difficulty with substance abuse, it is also because you are trying to stifle bad feelings. More guilt=more drinking.

I also think most addicts have mental health issues. Good luck with everything. I am wishing the best for you, your baby and your husband.

maybear

Thank you Pouncer
It's hard, I am worried for him but I'm not sure what else to do just now.
Just take it one day at a time I suppose. I just don't want him to end up dead and knowing that I could have prevented it somehow.
Thank you all.