sleepie

Hi all... I was feeling awful about slipping recently. This has gone on far too long. It wasn't a huge slip but still, I aspire to that perfect record and not another drink for my whole life- it seems so intimidating to think of it that way.

I don't want to deter anyone from quitting once and for all forever. But I looked at my calendar and I drank 7 days out of 28. Instead of every single day, which sickens me to just think about.

It's another day one. But I am not hungover. I am feeling okay and hopeful that I can and will do this. I am trying to move forward. But I do feel failed in that I cannot just quit and say "I have 3 months now". I keep screwing up.

In a way I feel like a loser because I require a blueprint. I gravitate towards Buddhism. I didn't figure it out on my own. I am agnostic and also know many atheists. They don't need a guideline- I do. It makes me feel stupid. I need an anchor, something to look to when I don't have answers which is most of the time and I feel so stupid.

BBQBOY

As long as you keep getting up, brushing yourself off & continue your recovery, I say you are on the right path. We didn't screw ourselves up in 1 month, so it might take longer to get right. I'm seeing a therapist this week for my chronic relapse's. Maybe that might be a good idea for you? I never thought I would have to do this, but why not give it a go, it can't hurt. Best Wishes to you.

strategery

While drinking 7 days out of 28 is better than drinking every day, if your goal is to get sober, it suggests you need to make additional changes and/or get additional support.

You have many reasons to get sober including your health.
What are you doing to keep yourself sober? I read recently you decided to go to a party to see friends, but it didn't sound like you effectively planned to keep yourself sober. Even though it was your plan to have certain drinks, you didn't have them with you. If you want to be sober, being sober is going to have to be your number 1 priority. You are going to have to go out of your way and comfort zone to deal with cravings and emotions without alcohol and make plans on what to do. Is it hard? Yes! However, this gets better with time.

You need a sober plan. What are you going to do to make sure you stay sober? Are you going to go to parties involving alcohol to see friends, or are you going to try to meet up with them for coffee? If you go to these parties and start getting cravings, what are you going to do? Will you leave? Will you go for a walk? Will you make sure you have certain drinks with you before going to the party? Making plans to address these aspects is critical towards being successful with sobriety. If something doesn't work, pick yourself up, figure out what worked and what didn't work, and then make plans on how you are going to handle things next time to keep yourself sober.
Keep on remembering it is ultimately your decision whether you pick up and drink or not.

RobbyRobot

I felt stupid too when I last quit. Shamed and regretful. Angry and hateful. And hurting bad. As you know, though, better all that then a return to drinking, yes?

These things pass as we keep doing the next right thing to stay quit. I too was agnostic when I quit. I'm still agnostic even as a Christian today. I understand a need for blueprints. That's okay for me. Nothing wrong with believing in the wisdom and experience of those before me. Whatever helps is fair game.

For an anchor, I use bottom lines. Like, I don't drink no matter what, for example. And, not drinking in itself sets me up for life long opportunities to make it ever easier for me to create a great sober lifestyle. I've accomplished this now. So can you sleepie.

Just wanted you to know that feeling weird doesn't stop us from achievement. Acceptance of knowing things change as we stay sober is a key understanding. Sure, not drinking more days than drinking is not bad, its just dragging the thing around though, yeah?

Hey, it took me 6 years of failing to quit before I finally got it done. So yeah, whatever it takes is what it took.

I hope you feel better asap sleepie.

Turtle82

That's a really heavy weight you're carrying on your shoulders... a crushing one I think. Is that how you're feeling... like you're being crushed? The whole point of a HP, for me, is to turn that weight over. My HP I call God but when talking to an "old timer" at work one day, he slapped a piece of paper from his desk on the wall and said that could be a HP if that's what you wanted. It seemed laughable at the time but, later, I saw the wisdom in it when I began writing... not journalling... totally different. Today, I still pick up the pencil. There's a magic that happens between the pencil and the heart. I kept writing until I knew what I saw on the page was coming from my heart. I let that be my "blueprint" and left whatever was filling my heart be an intellectual endeavor for another day. One day at a time, letting my heart be my guide, worked for me... can't hurt to try it and congratulations!!! because I think you're already listening to yours.

Soberwolf

What will you do to reinforce your sobriety have you tried AA or AVRT ?

Group therapy really helped me aswell as mtns writing a daily journal

i also spoke to alcohol addiction outreach workers who helped massively

You can do this sleepie you got to accept it though ?

zjw

I dunno seeking perfection always disappoints me. Being ok with lifes perfect imperfections works better. Things are the way that they are for a reason.

I know someone who like you isnt always perfect about being sober. I do not condone it. I'm not saying its a good idea to just be happy with drinking occaisionally only because thats just a good way to bait us into drinking more. But I look at this persons tract record or your tract record and like you I see people who have made incredible progress. And I think thats where you need to be focused.

So you fell down 7 times in the last 28 days. I could also say you got up 7 times in the last 28 days too.

Just keep moving forward and dont quit trying it will stick sooner or later. Your getting a taste of what life can be like that will keep you coming back for more.

Ruby2

Instead of thinking about the crushing and intimidating concept "forever" which scared me to death, I say "one day at a time.". Today, I won't drink. Just for today.

Don't beat yourself up. I never managed a day one until I checked myself into rehab. While I eventually relapsed for 3 months I knew by then that I had what it takes. But before that? Every day I'd vow not to drink and every day I did. So, you are doing well. It's just hard to see that right now.

When I stopped after the relapse I came on hear a lot. I read and posted. I attended AA meetings. I lean towards agnostic myself. I made friends with a couple of women who I can reach out too when I need support or just to say " hi ". Because eventually I've been crafting a new sober life with people like me. And normal people too. It takes time. Hang in there.

gleefan

Sleepie

For me, sobriety happened one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I posted on SR a lot when I wanted to drink and went to AA meetings.

Today I don't crave alcohol. I think that keeping booze off the table, coupled with taking an honest look at my life, is what's keeping me sober. When I'm living a life that fits me, rather than trying to force myself into roles I think I should play, a beautiful, peaceful sober life is mine to live.

It's not always easy. A sober life isn't promised to be "easy," but it's definitely good.

sleepie

Wow everyone thanks for all your thoughtful replies! As soon as I start feeling better, I get that thought that's so familiar to us all- "A drink would make this even better".

I keep telling myself that it would detract from the moment not improve it. This is all I need, this moment is enough etc.

It's really ridiculous.

Oh well.

Thanks guys your replies really mean a lot to me.