carlingford

Hi Everyone,

I fell off the wagon on two nights after 80 days, was very disappointed with myself, I am now 30 days clean again. Unfortunately I had to put the clock back to Zero and start over again. The reason was I suppose, I wanted to test myself (I was feeling good) to see if I could handle a couple of beers, the rest is history. Anyway, now I know I cannot and I am back again feeling pretty crap especially around the 30 day complete mark but know its the dreaded PAWS (post alcoholic withdrawal syndrome)playing games again and a temporary thing. I am determined to control this evil disease.
For your information this is how I feel around the 30 days; I would be grateful if you could share yours with a time period; here goes at 30 days;
Brain Fog
Headaches
Shivers and tremors
On and off sleeping difficulties
Slight disorientation and can be little verticoish (new word lol) and bumpy.
Crazy thoughts (especially from years ago, relating to situations I cannot change now, going round and round in my head)
Slight memory problems
Cold/hot sweats, sweaty palms
Anxiety and slight panic
Others

but hey I am alive and 30 days down and back on track to freedom and back on SR (THANK YOU)

I kind of see the disease now as a process to be handled/controlled and when I'm a little better I will not make same mistake again. The PAWS are just not worth the pain and anyway too busy working, rearing and supporting my family to care anymore about the demon drink.

Actually I have come to the conclusion that I am now allergic to alcohol. period so bye bye Alcohol, hello rest of my happy life

Have a nice day everyone and good luck.

Ichi

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. I would imagine everyone here has been through some if not all of them. I am new to regularly posting here and know that we're not supposed to advise about meds etc. So this is not a recommendation! But I know a lot of people who find it hard to stay sober long term take antabuse. I have in the past and am about to go on it again hopefully when I get my blood test back next week. I found it good in terms of shutting out the drinking thoughts. There's almost no point indulging them. Again I have no idea if this would work for you but it may give you some breathing space to get a long run of sober living together where you can deal with a lot of this stuff? Obviously it won't help with every aspect of PAWS but just having the breathing space and guarantee (if you take the meds!) that you will be facing up to this stuff sober might help.

Dee74

I think every bodys experience will be slightly different Carlingford.\

I'm not a Dr but this is the best link on PAWs I know...best of all, if you read it through you'll find many tips for dealing with PAWs if you decide this is what it is

PAWS | Digital Dharma

carlingford

Thank Dee74 I'm back again

carlingford

Thanks Ichi for your reply, yes I am on good multi B-vitamins, eating well, trying to get some exercise when I can as in a desk job. Will be trying to go to bed earlier too as I get fatigued during day and feeling like popping off.(I am 53 yrs.) I know it will just take time for the symptoms to go as was here before and still discusted with myself, suppose its a learning process .aaaahhhhh.lol but not laughing. I don't need antabuse as in Saudi Arabia (its better lol) but a good idea for when I get home when the urge really begins. Thanks again Ichi and good luck with bloods, take care.

Ichi

No worries! I know the feeling is awful when you relapse. The guilt gets worse for me each time. I've done it recently and gave my body such a kicking on top of all the other stuff that goes under when you are feeding the monster. Again it's just s personal thing but I know I need a long long stint of recovery where I am guaranteed sober so I can pull this out of the fire and try and heal up again physically and mentally, so I've decided on antabuse. If there is one thing I can't trust at the moment it's my head. Best of luck in Saudi and with the recovery. At least we live to see another day where there's the chance of getting better!

anattaboy

Vertigoish...Foggy. Yup, I'm still there with a lot of PAWS symptoms at 10 months today--same age also. I am getting better even though I've been in a funk lately. I'm not going to drink over it. Thanks for sticking around Carl.

MIRecovery

I'm a firm believer in, "It takes what it takes for us to get sober and no sober time is wasted time. "

Each time we fall is a step closer to success!

The idea I could ever drink like other people had to be completely smashed.

strategery

I would keep this list with you next time you are tempted to drink.
I went through something similar when I was first attempting to get sober. I decided to drink since I had gotten through the cravings, so it was all good and I wouldn't have cravings again, right? I couldn't have been more wrong. Those two weeks of going through cravings hell again were not worth the several hours under the influence of alcohol. That experience really solidified my resolve for not picking up again. Just not worth it.

carlingford

Hi Strategery thanks for reply and comment, will print and keep. Yes, its just a few hours and weeks of pain.. just not worth it, anyway I have had my lifetimes fill of drink at 53 yrs. old and have more important thing to do with my health, family and money. and want to live longer to see my family blossom
Feeling much better now I think it was the 30 day wave thing that I read somewhere, I am feeling confident and believe I learned from my slip but will not dwell on it, gotta move upwards and onwards, Bye and Thanks again. Good luck to you too, bye

MIRecovery

I finally got it at 53 as well. 58 and 5 plus years. I did and do it a day at a time

carlingford

Well done MIRecovery Yes, I like this "Each time we fall is a step closer to success"!
I pray this was my last time and look forward to a bright future, thanks again.

JaneLane

Well done on picking yourself up and writing about this :-)

I relapsed this week and I'm resetting the clock too. The anxiety bothers me the most but it was nice in a way to know that I was anxious because I was feeling something rather than numbing myself out then waking up in a panic anyway!

Sending you loads of positive thoughts :-)

carlingford

Hi JaneLane sorry for late reply lol, how you getting on since 2 years ago? I was reviewing my past posts and saw I didn't thank you for your comment, well its been on and off for me since then, on 15 days clean now, again, and same old drying out symptoms well not the same a bit more severe with brain fog, memory, etc. hope you getting on well?

Gottalife

At 30 days I was quite amazed at the turn my life had taken. I was full of hope, and had a host of friends. Daily functioning wasn't too good, very tired, hadn't yet learned to take care of myself in the physical sense.

I could see a brighter future ahead. That was the big thing. I had hope, and I really felt I was on the right track at last, which turned out to be the case.

SoberCAH

We're glad you're (back) with us Carl, and we hope your life continues to improve and that you get and stay sober.

Thanks for reconnecting.