Duckygirl1

ill keep it simple. My xabf is mandated to rehab for 18 months. He went to quick that I had to pack up his apt and get the majority of stuff to his mom. I get dumped 3 months in for a girl there. They have been apt hunting on their weekend passes and staying at his moms overnight.

Given the level of his sickness(don't know or care about hers) all I see is an impending sh*** storm. I have been trying to contact him to arrange to get his crap out of my house. I've called his counsellor too. He's big into avoidance so not really surprised. You'd think that if he's moved on to a new gf he'd want to make a clean break. The best way to avoid a person is to cut any connection or ties I'd think.

How do I do this? What can I say? I'm not heartless so I won't put his stuff in a dumpster. His parents have decided to stop enabling so he has to make arrangements. I don't want the law involved.

He works, so he can afford a storage space or maybe new girl's family can hold his stuff. I am beyond frustrated and working my own ED recovery and this is a huge source of emotional stress right now. Any advice to this NORMIE girl would be welcome

FeelingGreat

Ducky, you've done all you can. Send him a certified letter to say that if you don't hear from him within X number of days, you will put his effects up for sale, where you think they have enough value, and donate or dump the low value items. You will send him a cheque of the proceeds. Then go ahead and do it.

Bmac

I am quite surprised that a rehab center would condone a relationship after 3 months, let alone a relationship with another patient.

If having his stuff is a cause of stress for you and your own spiritual growth, I would contact him or his counselor and give them an ultimatum. He needs to take responsibilty for cleaning up his own mess. Sounds like if he is capable of spending weekends with his folks and his new gf, he certainly has the emotional capability to do so.

doggonecarl

He's moved on. Clearly. You need to do so as well. Start by getting rid of his stuff...

You want to give him one more chance to pick it up, fine. But please, don't drag this out any longer. He broke up with you five months ago. Time for you to finally make this break with him.

tomsteve

You could pack it up and take it to parents house.

Bmac

Here's an idea: pack it up in a box or two and Fed Ex it to his rehab center. Throw some humor in there and mark it, "Attn: (his girlfriend's name)"

Lee578

Question: Would HE do all of the things you are doing, if it were your stuff to be salvaged?
Doubt it.

Text him you're getting rid of his stuff and to get it out.

If he doesn't get it, get rid of it.

If you really want to break the ties, you will.

I think it may be a way for you to hold on to something of him...?

But he's not.

I know you don't want to be a 'heartless person' ...but you've gone way above and beyond for him and he doesn't really need all that right now.

If he were really concerned about it, he'd be over there getting his stuff.

Carlotta

The longer you hang on to his stuff, the longer you hang on to him and to your anger. This is really not healthy for you. If he wanted his stuff, he would have gotten it or gotten a friend to pick it up by now.
Get rid of it so you can start recovering and becoming healthy. This stuff is eating at you.
pssst, I hate to break it to you Ducky but you are not a normie anymore if you ever were LOL. A normie would have gotten rid of his stuff and moved on a long time ago. A normie would probably already be dating. A normie would not have put up with his crap for that long. A normie would not keep dwelling on him and his new relationship
The good news is that you can start healing and learn to be happy again

Boleo

Try posting more on this subject in:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Soberwolf

(((Duckygirl)))

readerbaby71

I agree with FeelingGreat. Send a certified letter giving him 30 days to get his stuff out of your home. If he doesn't get rid of it.

Or pack it up and send it to him. The expense would be worth your peace of mind. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Nevertheless

It sounds pretty simple to me. I would keep anything I wanted,and the rest goes to the dumpster. Done deal. Thats not being heartless,it's called you snooze you lose. He should have got his ducks in a row before rehab.
Fred

MelindaFlowers

It sounds like he has already moved on and is a huge jerk. There is a simple solution. Pack up every last one of his things and drop them off at his mom's house. You can have this problem solved in a few hours.

Does he have a best friend? Drop if off there. Does he have an uncle? Drop it off there. Cousin? Drop if off there.

The only question here is if you want to keep the stuff in your place as leverage or in hopes that he'll come back. It doesn't sounds like that is the case.

It will be a relief to get it out and start fresh. Garbage bags, the type with ties at the top will do. They keep the stuff clean and dry. You can be done with this creep by this evening if you want.

Mikie9

I would sell everything of value, and put the rest in the closest dumpster.

He legally left it with you. It is yours to do as you please.

If you think helping him any further makes your life in any way better, then I suggest you work that out for yourself. You are just being used by someone. I have been there, many of us have been there. Some of us have been on the other side of this situation.

hateful PM's to me are to follow

readerbaby71

She has to be careful about just getting rid of it with no notification. That is illegal in many states and she could end up having to pay for what she threw away.

MelindaFlowers

When I left a toxic relationship years ago I dropped off everything because I wanted a clean break. If he left paper clips at my house, they were delivered in that box.

trachemys

Put it on the curb and send him one text. Then forget about it.

Cobalt

I agree with all the other posters. Give him a final warning and then get rid of his stuff however you see fit. I wouldn't want his junk lying around taking up space either.