Struggling with resentment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 34
Struggling with resentment
Hey Everyone,
Checking in here. I have 68 days sober. It's been challenging but I've been dealing. I noticed a mood dip last week. I know exactly why. About a year back I had planned a trip to Thailand with some good friends.
When I really made a commitment to my sobriety 68 days ago, I realized that there was no way I could go on this trip. Basically, given the friends I would be around, I knew that walking into a trip 60 days sober would be a huge temptation in a place like Thailand where they would be drinking and friends would want to access a party like environment.
I know it's the right decision, I'm just struggling with resentment right now, as my friends left a week ago and I'm seeing pictures of their amazing trip all over Facebook. Part of me is scared that I'm missing the trip of a lifetime and part of me knows that it just wouldn't have been possible for me to do this right now. I don't know, just struggling with resentment, jealousy of the friends that went on the trip, and fear of missing out.
Checking in here. I have 68 days sober. It's been challenging but I've been dealing. I noticed a mood dip last week. I know exactly why. About a year back I had planned a trip to Thailand with some good friends.
When I really made a commitment to my sobriety 68 days ago, I realized that there was no way I could go on this trip. Basically, given the friends I would be around, I knew that walking into a trip 60 days sober would be a huge temptation in a place like Thailand where they would be drinking and friends would want to access a party like environment.
I know it's the right decision, I'm just struggling with resentment right now, as my friends left a week ago and I'm seeing pictures of their amazing trip all over Facebook. Part of me is scared that I'm missing the trip of a lifetime and part of me knows that it just wouldn't have been possible for me to do this right now. I don't know, just struggling with resentment, jealousy of the friends that went on the trip, and fear of missing out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 43
Hey keep your chin up you made a decision not to put yourself into a vulnerable position and you did the right thing. Maybe in the future you could think about it all and it might happen. It's natural for you to feel a bit gutted and sad about not going but I know people who have done stuff and just gone and ended up drinking again. You have done the right thing for NOW, now go and do some things you enjoy this week that you would not of done if you had been drinking :-)
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
There is someone here who's avatar is "don't give up what you want most for what you want now" That's what your post made me think of.
You are new to sobriety. In the beginning it can seem like there will never be any fun in the future and that a life without alcohol will be dull and unexciting. It's not true. In fact the opportunities that a sober life can bring far exceed those available to the hard drinking hedonist. Develop those interests and activities that give meaning to your existence rather than just bringing pleasure, and then revel in them.
You made the correct decision not to go. Be proud of it.
You are new to sobriety. In the beginning it can seem like there will never be any fun in the future and that a life without alcohol will be dull and unexciting. It's not true. In fact the opportunities that a sober life can bring far exceed those available to the hard drinking hedonist. Develop those interests and activities that give meaning to your existence rather than just bringing pleasure, and then revel in them.
You made the correct decision not to go. Be proud of it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 122
Hi Katie
That sounds like a nightmare, so sorry for you. I did the same when I was a few months sober, cancelled an all inclusive holiday to Mexico! I had been all inclusive once before and for an alcocholic it was a nightmare, I realised my true capacity and it was a humiliating experience.
So of course I cancelled the Mexico trip. Well done on your brave decision, keep at it, it does get easier. Your next holiday will be amazing, sober is best.
Fond regards
Juliet
That sounds like a nightmare, so sorry for you. I did the same when I was a few months sober, cancelled an all inclusive holiday to Mexico! I had been all inclusive once before and for an alcocholic it was a nightmare, I realised my true capacity and it was a humiliating experience.
So of course I cancelled the Mexico trip. Well done on your brave decision, keep at it, it does get easier. Your next holiday will be amazing, sober is best.
Fond regards
Juliet
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Hi Katie, good move. I also love to travel (I'm currently also in SE Asia), and one of my biggest concerns when debating sobriety was - how will I ever be able to travel to cool places again without drinking?
After 6 months I felt quite strong in my sobriety and began planning my first trip over here, which I took at about 8 months. I had no problems. At least not with my sobriety, haha..
So just give it some time. You did the right thing.
After 6 months I felt quite strong in my sobriety and began planning my first trip over here, which I took at about 8 months. I had no problems. At least not with my sobriety, haha..
So just give it some time. You did the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
feel ur pain. missing out on lots of things myself and few days behind you in sobriety, 55?
i guess if you did go and slipped you could die so maybe think it as god keeping you safe for a lifetime of bigger better holidays that your friends wont make
i guess if you did go and slipped you could die so maybe think it as god keeping you safe for a lifetime of bigger better holidays that your friends wont make
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Katie1985 
Part of me is scared that I'm missing the trip of a lifetime
It is not something that I wanted for a week or a year. It was something I wanted for the rest of my life. At first I had no idea what that would entail or what it would bring me. The peace and serenity I have from day to day is worth more to me than any vacation I could have planned.
It is a journey that has far exceed anything I could have dreamed of.
Hang in there, don't stop before the miracle happens for a couple of, likely drunken memories with pictures to prove it.
I was told at the start and it has been one of my cornerstones that had kept me sober through some pretty dark days.
"Your sobriety should come first".
If you are doing what is right for you and your life, then that should be commended, not condemned. You are worth it
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Let's be honest. There are good things we must give up to remain sober but the good things make up such a small percentage of life. Two weeks in Thailand but what about the other 50 weeks this year or all the weeks of your life? Are willing to trade 2 weeks for a lifetime of misery?
Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.
Doesn't sound like a good deal to me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I can relate my wife was out of town when a famly member died. she's telling me now and then about this drink she had or that drink or this meal out or that meal out. and I'm thinking arent you there for a funeral? shouldnt it be miserable? while I sat at home with the 6 kids trying to hold the fort down.
But I realized in my case just because she was going out and such it doesnt mean she was not moarning the loss of her relative she was in great pain and well probably needed a drink (she doesnt have a drinking issue) and yeah part of me was a bit ticked off that she can drink and I cannot how unfair this is!
But I'm accepting of it it is the way that it is. I have a drinking problem and can't drink like that. I can do other things for fun.
In your case there will be other times to take trips in time perhaps a group of non drinking friends can go and you'll see what non drinking people do for fun instead of just hanging around bars and getting intoxicated there really is other great stuff to do.
I know some people that love going to thailand but they dont drink at all so there has to be some pretty fun stuff to do there.
But I realized in my case just because she was going out and such it doesnt mean she was not moarning the loss of her relative she was in great pain and well probably needed a drink (she doesnt have a drinking issue) and yeah part of me was a bit ticked off that she can drink and I cannot how unfair this is!
But I'm accepting of it it is the way that it is. I have a drinking problem and can't drink like that. I can do other things for fun.
In your case there will be other times to take trips in time perhaps a group of non drinking friends can go and you'll see what non drinking people do for fun instead of just hanging around bars and getting intoxicated there really is other great stuff to do.
I know some people that love going to thailand but they dont drink at all so there has to be some pretty fun stuff to do there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Katie, Thailand might have been a trip of lifetime, but I think your continued sobriety is the real trip of a lifetime. Thailand will still be there in a year or two. And maybe at that time you can trust yourself to go and not drink. I applaud your ability to make a wise decision. Good for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well done Katie.
Firstly for 68 days sober
Secondly for recognising that resentment for what it is
Thirdly for making such a wise choice - it shows that you are extremely serious about your sobriety.
I know it must be tough. But it would have been tough being there as well. Even worse, you may have ended up drinking, or falling out with people who were. As someone else said, Thailand will still be there in a few years time, and what a fantastic place to go for sober activities with friends who are easy to be around because everything doesn't revolve around alcohol.
Maybe you could open a Building Society account (one you can only access with a book) and pay in the money you would have spent on alcohol each week. I bet it won't take too long to save up for your dream Thai vacation.
You did the right thing
xx
Firstly for 68 days sober
Secondly for recognising that resentment for what it is
Thirdly for making such a wise choice - it shows that you are extremely serious about your sobriety.
I know it must be tough. But it would have been tough being there as well. Even worse, you may have ended up drinking, or falling out with people who were. As someone else said, Thailand will still be there in a few years time, and what a fantastic place to go for sober activities with friends who are easy to be around because everything doesn't revolve around alcohol.
Maybe you could open a Building Society account (one you can only access with a book) and pay in the money you would have spent on alcohol each week. I bet it won't take too long to save up for your dream Thai vacation.
You did the right thing
xx
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Sounds like a real strong, solid choice! No telling how this frame of reference on decisions can help guide you in the future. I think its' awesome you decided you were not ready......
Things ALWAYS look better on FaceBook - right???
Things ALWAYS look better on FaceBook - right???
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
FOMO - Fear of missing out fed right into my alcoholism. My FOMO was far more powerful than my common sense and really resulted in some very poor decision-making. I wracked up thousands of dollars of credit card debt taking vacations and blowing off work because I just always thought I was missing out on 'fun stuff'.
Nevermind the fact that these vacations basically always ended up with me just drinking on a beach all day and not much else. No need to take photos since all pics are the same: drinking.
You made the right choice.
Nevermind the fact that these vacations basically always ended up with me just drinking on a beach all day and not much else. No need to take photos since all pics are the same: drinking.
You made the right choice.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Winchester, Va
Posts: 50
Hi Katie,
I well understand your anxt. I just spent my first 6 weeks sober away on business. There were 40 of us on the trip and trust me, every night was something, kareoke, clubbing, fancy bars. It was supposed to be an experience to meet people within the business and network while training, but I spent my evenings alone in my hotel room. As much as I wanted to be out there I couldn't face the peer pressure and temptation, or risk making a fool of myself and losing an amazing new job. I got a lot of sideways looks at my lack of socialization but my sobriety was priority. From a personal front I have found myself making the hard decisions to cut certain people from my life because they are enablers. You need to surround yourself with like minded friends. So plan another trip, and take those people! As someone else said, you will remember more, and experience more than just the bars!
I well understand your anxt. I just spent my first 6 weeks sober away on business. There were 40 of us on the trip and trust me, every night was something, kareoke, clubbing, fancy bars. It was supposed to be an experience to meet people within the business and network while training, but I spent my evenings alone in my hotel room. As much as I wanted to be out there I couldn't face the peer pressure and temptation, or risk making a fool of myself and losing an amazing new job. I got a lot of sideways looks at my lack of socialization but my sobriety was priority. From a personal front I have found myself making the hard decisions to cut certain people from my life because they are enablers. You need to surround yourself with like minded friends. So plan another trip, and take those people! As someone else said, you will remember more, and experience more than just the bars!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
A really brave decision on many fronts. Maybe one day karma, or whatever, will pay you back with a trip to Thailand, or wherever, when you're 100% ready. I'm sure you'll enjoy it all the more.
By the way I live in Asia. Some people love it from the start and some hate it from the start.
By the way I live in Asia. Some people love it from the start and some hate it from the start.
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