Just need a forum to say this...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 109
Just need a forum to say this...
I know I am very vocal and opinionated and my opinions are very often at odds with many of you here. But I figured this was a safe a place as any to say this. I never imagined this week would challenge my sobriety the way it has. My soon-to-be-ex is bombing my lawyer with frivolous motion after frivolous motion (three this past week alone), and thinking of the billing hours I'm racking up makes me want to drive straight to the nearest liquor store, buy a handle, stick it in the freezer for a few and suck it back. I won't do it because a. it will precipitate a bender and I cannot afford one, and b. it's only kicking the can of my problems down the road. Dare I say it, I might actually need to go to a meeting...
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
Sorry to hear about this week's events.
We probably share a lot of opinions, and I'm a big fan of not drinking for myself and people who have had drinking problems in the past, big fan of keeping them there, the past.
Face to face support can be really helpful to help staying centered, something must be telling it sounds like good idea, no harm in finding out.
The biggest harm would be from any other part that would use not going as reason to knock one off of being centered.
We probably share a lot of opinions, and I'm a big fan of not drinking for myself and people who have had drinking problems in the past, big fan of keeping them there, the past.
Face to face support can be really helpful to help staying centered, something must be telling it sounds like good idea, no harm in finding out.
The biggest harm would be from any other part that would use not going as reason to knock one off of being centered.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Differences of opinion don't matter, you are struggling right now and we all understand.
If you feel a meeting would help you then go by all means. I know that personally I need f2f support.
Right now, you are stressed out and your AV is seeing it as a door cracked open.
Just say out loud: I do not drink and this is not negotiable!
Exactly and who knows what you might do while you are drinking which might make your situation even more difficult.
Try to be very gentle to yourself this week end and make a date with yourself for relaxing activities such as a walk in the park, a nice long bath, a good movie...
Another thing is also to stay in the moment as much as possible. Whenever you start projecting and thinking about your problems, it will set off the anxiety and give room to your AV.
When you feel your mind starting to wander, just bring it back to the present moment and your current physical location and do some deep belly breathing.
Relaxation exercises are really helpful to deal with worrying and anxiety. If you look up on youtube, there are guided relaxations out there.
Hang in there
If you feel a meeting would help you then go by all means. I know that personally I need f2f support.
Right now, you are stressed out and your AV is seeing it as a door cracked open.
Just say out loud: I do not drink and this is not negotiable!
it will precipitate a bender and I cannot afford one, and b. it's only kicking the can of my problems down the road.
Try to be very gentle to yourself this week end and make a date with yourself for relaxing activities such as a walk in the park, a nice long bath, a good movie...
Another thing is also to stay in the moment as much as possible. Whenever you start projecting and thinking about your problems, it will set off the anxiety and give room to your AV.
When you feel your mind starting to wander, just bring it back to the present moment and your current physical location and do some deep belly breathing.
Relaxation exercises are really helpful to deal with worrying and anxiety. If you look up on youtube, there are guided relaxations out there.
Hang in there
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
There is hope, SO.
It's been my experience (and perhaps a little-known secret in AA) that many of us who achieve long-term sobriety in AA have little or no intention of getting sober and/or want absolutely nothing to do with AA. It's quite the spectacular transformation. I've witnessed this phenomenon so often, that it seems like the norm, rather than the exception. If you take the broader picture, you'll see that many people on SR, regardless of how they got sober, also succeeded after starting from a point of intransigence, resistance and denial relative to our struggles with alcohol.
There is in social psychology an analogous, reliable research finding that's persevered across decades of study. I think that the original investigators were Leon Festinger* and Stanley Schachter. It's currently referred to as the gain-loss theory of attraction, the idea that winning over people who had an initial bad impression (or who we initially disliked) is more rewarding to us than someone who liked us all along. The magic, which you already may have guessed, is this: It takes much more psychological work for us to like someone we didn't initially like (or who didn't like us), than someone we get along with right away. By virtue of this internal work, the person is therefore more valuable to us as a friend or partner over the long term.
This is true not only of people, but of jobs, places, things we buy, and pretty much any activity, place or object we can think of. This phenomenon has been demonstrated thousands of times on TV, in film, novels and in real life. For those of us "mature" enough to remember, the classic example is in films with Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn, who regularly despised each other before ultimately falling in love.
AA was originally designed for the most hopeless among us, though the program accepts anyone who has the slightest motivation to get sober or even to just learn about their struggles with alcohol. So, when people say things such as "AA is not for me," "I hate AA," "I have social anxiety/am an atheist, so AA won't work for me," none of these things inspire either frustration or pity on my part. They'll either find another way or they'll eventually get sober in AA in spite of their initial misgivings and, as a result of their resistance, will enjoy long-term sobriety with all the benefits that are now available to others who got sober in that way.
Very simply, we tend to value much more that which we work for than that which is given to us. Again, from a broader view, this, I believe, is true about achieving sobriety, regardless of the method used to get there.
*(Festinger is credited with what is known as the Theory of Cognitive Dissonance which, simply put, states that we experience psychological discomfort when we hold two contradictory thoughts or feelings at the same time. We either have to rationalize one of the competing thoughts away, or take action to resolve the internal conflict. "I know that drinking is unhealthy, but I like to drink." Solutions: "Well, I don't drink as much as most people. I'm not as bad as other people. I really haven't lost anything due to my drinking. I still have my job, so I must be a functional alcoholic, at worst. I won't have any fun if I stop drinking. My father drank in the morning, and he lived to be seventy eight. Everyone drinks. Lots of folks' spouses leave them who don't drink. People are just overreacting when I have a little fun. Everyone vomits when they're feeling sick. Nothing wrong with taking a couple of pops at work to get the blood flowing. Everyone gets at least one DUI; doesn't mean they're alcoholics. It's cool to spend a night in jail. " OR, "I know drinking is unhealthy, so it's time for me to do something about it.")
It's been my experience (and perhaps a little-known secret in AA) that many of us who achieve long-term sobriety in AA have little or no intention of getting sober and/or want absolutely nothing to do with AA. It's quite the spectacular transformation. I've witnessed this phenomenon so often, that it seems like the norm, rather than the exception. If you take the broader picture, you'll see that many people on SR, regardless of how they got sober, also succeeded after starting from a point of intransigence, resistance and denial relative to our struggles with alcohol.
There is in social psychology an analogous, reliable research finding that's persevered across decades of study. I think that the original investigators were Leon Festinger* and Stanley Schachter. It's currently referred to as the gain-loss theory of attraction, the idea that winning over people who had an initial bad impression (or who we initially disliked) is more rewarding to us than someone who liked us all along. The magic, which you already may have guessed, is this: It takes much more psychological work for us to like someone we didn't initially like (or who didn't like us), than someone we get along with right away. By virtue of this internal work, the person is therefore more valuable to us as a friend or partner over the long term.
This is true not only of people, but of jobs, places, things we buy, and pretty much any activity, place or object we can think of. This phenomenon has been demonstrated thousands of times on TV, in film, novels and in real life. For those of us "mature" enough to remember, the classic example is in films with Spencer Tracey and Katherine Hepburn, who regularly despised each other before ultimately falling in love.
AA was originally designed for the most hopeless among us, though the program accepts anyone who has the slightest motivation to get sober or even to just learn about their struggles with alcohol. So, when people say things such as "AA is not for me," "I hate AA," "I have social anxiety/am an atheist, so AA won't work for me," none of these things inspire either frustration or pity on my part. They'll either find another way or they'll eventually get sober in AA in spite of their initial misgivings and, as a result of their resistance, will enjoy long-term sobriety with all the benefits that are now available to others who got sober in that way.
Very simply, we tend to value much more that which we work for than that which is given to us. Again, from a broader view, this, I believe, is true about achieving sobriety, regardless of the method used to get there.
*(Festinger is credited with what is known as the Theory of Cognitive Dissonance which, simply put, states that we experience psychological discomfort when we hold two contradictory thoughts or feelings at the same time. We either have to rationalize one of the competing thoughts away, or take action to resolve the internal conflict. "I know that drinking is unhealthy, but I like to drink." Solutions: "Well, I don't drink as much as most people. I'm not as bad as other people. I really haven't lost anything due to my drinking. I still have my job, so I must be a functional alcoholic, at worst. I won't have any fun if I stop drinking. My father drank in the morning, and he lived to be seventy eight. Everyone drinks. Lots of folks' spouses leave them who don't drink. People are just overreacting when I have a little fun. Everyone vomits when they're feeling sick. Nothing wrong with taking a couple of pops at work to get the blood flowing. Everyone gets at least one DUI; doesn't mean they're alcoholics. It's cool to spend a night in jail. " OR, "I know drinking is unhealthy, so it's time for me to do something about it.")
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Like others have said there's support for everyone here.
I'm glad you've thought that fear through SA. If being around some real people who understand will help, I say why not go to a meeting?
D
I'm glad you've thought that fear through SA. If being around some real people who understand will help, I say why not go to a meeting?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It helps me to realize that nothing ever gets so bad a drink won't make it worse. I've been through the most painful things thanking God I'm sober because I sure couldn't have handled these things drunk. Each day is a gift.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
It helps me to realize that nothing ever gets so bad a drink won't make it worse. I've been through the most painful things thanking God I'm sober because I sure couldn't have handled these things drunk.
It`s those unguarded moments when life is grand I watch out for. The time when a little Kula in the coffee to start off the day sounds tempting.
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