kittycat3

Hi all, day 3 today. I have had an irrational fear for some time that I will meet someone on the street, at work, wherever in real life, that will recognize me from a previous drunk and bring it up in an embarrassing way. I'm not talking about friends or neighbors that know me and comment later about how drunk I was, but rather a complete stranger I might have no recollection of ever crossing paths with, saying oh I know you, I saw you at such and such a place and man were you drunk!!!!!

I thought it might help me to dampen down this fear if I heard from others whether this has ever really happened and how they dealt with it. To be honest I am sure it's pretty unlikely and even if it did happen it wouldn't be as bad as I fear it would be, but that's why I want to ask my SR friends thanks guys.

Soberwolf

Your spot on correct Kittykat in all of my 20.5 months sober not once has someone come up to me and said i remember you from being drunk that time

I understand as i done some cringeworthy and embarrasing stuff but its like no one remembers me for that its like they didnt know i drunk at all

the only persons are my neighbours but they are kind i have regained trust and things are a lot better

Big congrats on day 3 Kittykat you are awesome

Dee74

It's never happened to me, ever

D

leb

Hi That actually happened to me. A patient coming out of anaesthetic suddenly piped up and said. I remember you, you were dancing on the table at ......pub. Everything in the recovery room was quiet it was in the middle of the night. Surgeon, anaesthetist and everyone else looked at me! I just said Oh yes That was a good night. We were all out celebrating etc. LIes and embarrassment!!!! Thank god never again

Mikie9

Not happened here either. Even if it did happen to me I would honestly smile and say, "yeah, man I got out of control with the drink there for awhile, glad I moved on" or something similar.

For sure the least of my worries though, so rest easy

newpage119

I read somewhere that 99% of the things we worry about never actually happen, so we just waste time worrying about the future!

AND if you were at a bar drinking, chances are the other person was drinking also, and may not remember.....or want to talk about it either......who knows what he/she did.....

sugarbear1

I've had that happen. Still can't place that person......but they can place me.

zerothehero

I think the phrase "irrational fear" is the key here. Even if it happens it isn't much to worry about.

I went to a class reunion last year and this gal I didn't recognize at first came up to me and asked, loudly, "Hey, remember that keggar when we ****** on that picnic table?"

I could have freaked, but as she was asking that (and at least a dozen people heard her) I realized she was drunk, but I was sober and replied, "Yes, and that was great! Why didn't we ever hook up after that?"

Suddenly, she was embarrassed and I was kind of laughing. Plus, my answer was entirely honest. It was great (though we were both pretty hammered), and I sincerely wondered why it hadn't gone anywhere.

Fun story, but I guess my point is does it really matter if someone remembers you did something in the past? What matters is what you're doing now, right?

zerothehero

I had another "remember that time" moment that wasn't so dramatic, but now that I've been sober long enough I felt pretty comfortable saying, "And people wonder why I don't drink anymore."

kittycat3

Leb, are you sure the patient wasn't just confused under the influence of meds? That's funny, sort of.

Thanks for the replies. I know the fear is irrational, and it helps to know how often this may really happen (not often I'm getting.) it also happened to a friend of mine in a professional situation (office). While she definitely needs to cut down her drinking, she is blessed with confidence and thought it was only mildly awkward. Wish I could hold my head so high.

Turtle82

I've had it happen. I not only partied a lot but hung out at a busy Friday happy hour with dancing (big 80s disco floors) after so I ran into quite a few people who saw me somewhere or other. I actually never gave them a chance to say something like "boy, were you drunk." I dove right in with my own "I'm sorry I don't remember you. I was probably blacked out. I'm in recovery now and have been for ....." I was always congratulated, twice got someone talking who thought they might need to do the same and one attended their first meeting with me. Drunk people do embarrassing things.. that's true... but being an alcoholic itself isn't a moral issue. Turn any discussion away from behaviors under the influence to the disease and don't act ashamed. You might just whined up helping someone.

awuh1

kittycat3 I can understand the concern. I have a little different take on this than many others do, so I'm going to share it.

I'm of the belief that there is a sort of purpose for what we go through. There are lessons to be learned and personal growth which can be the reward for adversity. This is possible as long as we are open to learning these lessons.

I find that there have been situations when I have been embarrassed by someone bringing up my past behavior. I have dealt with these instances somewhat differently, depending on the situation in which it was brought up. There are some times when I have felt better about my response than others.

The common threads in the responses I felt best about were 1) an acknowledgement that I had done something wrong (or at least embarrassing) and 2) disclosure that there was a lesson I learned from it. One of the lessons I like to pass along is that some people can control their drinking and some cannot. I like to say that I tried for far too long to control it when it should have been obvious that I could not.

Taking responsibility and passing along the lesson(s) learned has the potential of bringing some good into the world. Yes it can be embarrassing, but it has the potential of doing some good, so there is also an opportunity. Better to focus on the good you can do than how you feel.

Don't let the fear of this rule you. You can make of it what you wish.

awuh1

I see Turtle's thinking is much like my own, and she was 4 minutes quicker in expressing it. lol

Gottalife

It happened to me a few times. Mostly the long arm of the law, but I was also kicked out of two flats by people I couldn't even remember meeting. Par for the course for alcoholics of my type, and important lessons that helped lead me to recovery.

Once I got sober, there were a good number of people I needed to front up to, and by past experience there was always a risk of people and events I couldn't remember. This was a direct consequence of my drinking. That fear remained with me until about three months by which time I had cleared up almost all of the past problems I knew about through step nine, and I was well prepared to deal with any surprises that came along.

I know that for me, trying to live with that fear, avoiding the people I knew about and hoping to avoid that tap on the shoulder, would be far too stressful and would lead me back to drink. I couldn't sweep this stuff under the carpet.

LaTraviata

Yes, this is happening to me. Maybe because I've only been sober a short time?

I just own it. Takes the power out of the embarrassment. I just say "Yep, but that was then and this is now."

And...I have a now-distant friend who had to witness the worst of it and every time he sees me, he has to bring up a drunken episode even though he knows I'm no longer drinking. My theory is that as a very heavy drinker, he feels threatened or convicted by my sobriety.

Point being: Some folks have their own not-so-innocent reasons for bringing stuff up.

kittycat3

Thanks LT. I agree, other than the first time, most people have ulterior motives when something comes up again and again. Either they are still harboring resentments or making themselves feel better, etc....

Thanks to all for replies. I have already said this but again, I know fear is irrational and even if this does happen I know it would not be as bad as I fear.

thomas11

Last winter, it happened to me in a networking group I was a part of. The group had a party at one of the members houses and we drank and played games, of course I drank too much. Someone asked if it was fun, and someone pointed at me and said "he sure had fun!" That was the beginning of me making darn sure it never happened again.

Also, I was in a bar Saturday night for a benefit for a friend of mine who has stage 4 colon cancer. I went in, saw old friends, made my donation, gave him a hug and wished him luck, and left. Total time in the bar 20 minutes. Was glad I left.

suicideseason

it came up one time for me it was more just like " Im glad youre not using I remember how crazy you were". and Yeah dont know much what incident.

waynetheking

All the more reason to never drink again.

lycanlaz

The thing is, for me, what's it going to do? If I've done something embarrassing, what's the result? If they remember, so what...? I came to in the hospital couple of weeks ago soaked in p!ss and vomit and from that point where I destroyed my dignity ive lost a lot of self consciousness because its like....I was in an incredibly embarrassing situation, I survived it, that was the lowest point of my life but hey, I'm alright...if you have done something, so what? Nothing will change, except you've got a good reminder why you don't wanna keep drinking.