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close call

Old 04-01-2015, 01:00 PM
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close call

Hello Everyone,
I had a scare, and I think I'm okay, but I'm a bit shaken. I mentioned a while ago that we've had lots of stress associated with our son-he's going through some real troubles, for a little guy. It's breaking me up inside. I've been having trouble sleeping. So on Saturday night, I get up, around 1:00AMish and hop on the computer. My wife had left a rather fat glass of wine next to the keyboard. At first I ignored it, but then it started to get my attention. I had the whole inner debate going-the AV woke up: slam that wine and go fall asleep. No big deal. You have over a year sober, what's one glass out of 15 months? Now, I've had these thoughts, we all do, I assume, but this time I actually picked up the glass and held it to my mouth. I was right there, man, I could smell it. Suddenly the thought of, "you could bike to the store and get a bit more if this isn't enough" flashed in my mind and that's when I kind of zapped out of it, "What the heck are you thinking?" put it down, and went to bed. Close flippin' call, way close. It felt like a bullet passed by, missing my skin by half a millimeter.

In response, I picked up my exercise a bit (a lot actually, I had stopped as all this stress built up), and have been eating better. Also, I jumped back into some morning and evening "higher power talk"/prayer to stay focused.

What do you guys think? Ever come this close during the first two years? Am I missing something?
Thanks for listening,
Malcolm

Onward!
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Old 04-01-2015, 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted by malcolmsloan View Post
Am I missing something?
I don't know. Doing anything recovery wise? Or just abstaining?

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with a close call, as long as it helps to remind us we have to be forever vigilant in our recovery.
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Old 04-01-2015, 04:23 PM
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Have you got a sober plan
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Old 04-01-2015, 05:34 PM
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"you could bike to the store and get a bit more if this isn't enough"
Thats reallys omething. I know that drill all too well. All the excuses to make it ok etc.. its like someone else is just inside of you eggen ya on.

Good job on resisting.

I need to exercise more the more stressed i am. it works like a charm. The times you think you need it the least are when you need it hte most i always say.

I'm not famlier with the situation with your son But I can only imagine and I've been told we rise to the occasion when presented with those sorts of problems. We dont know how we will handle it till we are in the thick of it and we generally find we are able to rise up and meet the challenges.

I hope things ease up for you. But prayer and exercises are good starting points for a plan of attack.
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Old 04-01-2015, 05:37 PM
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Really well done. Sneaky, isn't it?

Prayers for your son and your family.
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Old 04-01-2015, 05:46 PM
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Malcolm,

I think it is entirely possible for circumstances to stack up around us. It hasn't happened to me, per se the way it did for you, but we're all just a set of circumstances away from it.

Bouts of insomnia are a problem for me, too. I live alone and am fortunate to not have alcohol in the house.

But I think you need to give yourself a big pat on the back. You've built up some real sober muscles and they served you well. Smart thinking on the other stuff -- more exercise, good nutrition.

I sincerely hope things rally for your little guy. It must be painful for you as a parent to see him go through troubling issues. It also sounds like he's got a great dad on his side and that makes all the difference in the world.

You did well, Malcolm. Keep it up.
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Old 04-01-2015, 06:01 PM
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I had a scare, and I think I'm okay, but I'm a bit shaken. I mentioned a while ago that we've had lots of stress associated with our son-he's going through some real troubles, for a little guy. It's breaking me up inside. I've been having trouble sleeping. So on Saturday night, I get up, around 1:00AMish and hop on the computer. My wife had left a rather fat glass of wine next to the keyboard. At first I ignored it, but then it started to get my attention. I had the whole inner debate going-the AV woke up: slam that wine and go fall asleep. No big deal. You have over a year sober, what's one glass out of 15 months? Now, I've had these thoughts, we all do, I assume, but this time I actually picked up the glass and held it to my mouth. I was right there, man, I could smell it. Suddenly the thought of, "you could bike to the store and get a bit more if this isn't enough" flashed in my mind and that's when I kind of zapped out of it, "What the heck are you thinking?" put it down, and went to bed. Close flippin' call, way close. It felt like a bullet passed by, missing my skin by half a millimeter.
I always say - thoughts are thoughts....we're all capable of having a dumb thought - but it's what we do in response that counts.

It's good you're redoubling your efforts - that never hurts - but really, I think you aced it malcolm

best wishes to your son, to you and your wife
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Old 04-01-2015, 06:08 PM
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I tell that AV, things are crap now-adding a mind controlling substance never made anything better for me. My life always fell apart when I ingested that stuff. It never failed. I figure it was my HP saying, "yep-keep at it, I'll let you ruin your life if you want to but if you stop trying to run the show-you'll do ok."
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Old 04-01-2015, 06:33 PM
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Good on you malcolm. Picking up the exercise a bit right now will for sure help with the stress.

I've had a couple of close calls this winter out of boredom, but like you I snapped out of it and focused on something else quickly. I don't think the thoughts ever go away but as Dee said, thoughts are just thoughts and you proved that to yourself.

Strength to you and your family my friend. The little guy doesn't need a drunk dad, now or ever.
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Old 04-02-2015, 04:06 AM
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tough one malcome - glad you got through it.

question: Did you share this with the wife?
Yesterday I was going through some stress and thought about going for a drink - 15 months. But if there was a glass poured and ready for me...
Keep playing with snakes eventually you're gonna get bit. Maybe.
Just let her know you had that glass to your lips - maybe she'll be more careful about leaving the lid off the cookie jar.
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