One night off won't hurt will it? Just want to switch off.....
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
One night off won't hurt will it? Just want to switch off.....
......had a difficult day at work today and at one point a thought popped into my head that a good drink will help me relax. I told my AV that I don't do that anymore - haven't for nearly 5 months now and it soon got the message and shut up.
I was a bit surprised as I haven't heard that voice for over a month now and now I'm home, with a bit of tension from my teenage kids and the weekend ahead of me........................I just want to get smashed.
I want to stop the world and get off for a few hours. Visit some place where I don't have to listen to all the noise in my head and in my world around me. A place free of all responsibility and care - where I can just be.........I want to get slowly (quite quickly on second thoughts) hammered. Other people have done it - they relapse all the time and get back on the wagon. Maybe long enough time's passed and I could have the odd beer at the weekend - but I don't want the odd beer - I want a bit of oblivion......a big hefty chunk of oblivion actually.
I probably wouldn't need as much to drink as I did 5 months ago so the hangover wouldn't be so bad that I'd have to drink in the morning, or even at all tomorrow actually. That would be a bit of a waste though as if I'm going to relapse I might as well make the most of it and have 2 nights on it - it'll all count as just one episode anyway......... The weather's terrible and rain's forecast all weekend so it's not like I'll be missing much so it's actually a good time to do it, this weekend....
Do 'normal' people have thoughts like this?
Probably not..........
....so while I do I'm probably better off sticking to a glass of lemonade and hanging around here a bit longer.
I was a bit surprised as I haven't heard that voice for over a month now and now I'm home, with a bit of tension from my teenage kids and the weekend ahead of me........................I just want to get smashed.
I want to stop the world and get off for a few hours. Visit some place where I don't have to listen to all the noise in my head and in my world around me. A place free of all responsibility and care - where I can just be.........I want to get slowly (quite quickly on second thoughts) hammered. Other people have done it - they relapse all the time and get back on the wagon. Maybe long enough time's passed and I could have the odd beer at the weekend - but I don't want the odd beer - I want a bit of oblivion......a big hefty chunk of oblivion actually.
I probably wouldn't need as much to drink as I did 5 months ago so the hangover wouldn't be so bad that I'd have to drink in the morning, or even at all tomorrow actually. That would be a bit of a waste though as if I'm going to relapse I might as well make the most of it and have 2 nights on it - it'll all count as just one episode anyway......... The weather's terrible and rain's forecast all weekend so it's not like I'll be missing much so it's actually a good time to do it, this weekend....
Do 'normal' people have thoughts like this?
Probably not..........
....so while I do I'm probably better off sticking to a glass of lemonade and hanging around here a bit longer.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
where I can just be.........
Sit quietly watch your thoughts go by. watch your emotions rise and fall come and go happy and sad angry and scared stressed and calm etc.. just watch it all go by and smile at it.
No non alcholics dont think this stuff. But there is a way to go through life without booze if other people can do it I reckon we can too.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
5 months rapidly approaches - great!!!
I bounced in and out for a many years......NOT this time, never again, I've got this!
Blah, blah, blah........We all know how that works out.
When I think of maybe, I pause and wonder how many never made it back. I believe we are in rarified air when we gain some sober time. The numbers of those who go out with a year or less have to be huge........Will they make it back?
That's the thought that I go to - I don't play the tape, it doesn't work for me. Will I die this time is good enough.
Enjoy the lemonade, and glad you're here sticking around with us drunks!
I bounced in and out for a many years......NOT this time, never again, I've got this!
Blah, blah, blah........We all know how that works out.
When I think of maybe, I pause and wonder how many never made it back. I believe we are in rarified air when we gain some sober time. The numbers of those who go out with a year or less have to be huge........Will they make it back?
That's the thought that I go to - I don't play the tape, it doesn't work for me. Will I die this time is good enough.
Enjoy the lemonade, and glad you're here sticking around with us drunks!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
At six months sober I started to negotiate with my addiction. "Hey, one night drunk in 180 days is way better than drinking every night," I thought, "I could get drunk every six months, that would be better than 99% sober."
But as it's been mentioned here by other posters, and evidenced many times here on SR in the past few weeks, there is no assurance that "one" night doesn't turn into two, or 2 weeks. Or forever.
There are ways to cope with how you feel right now. That's the whole purpose of recovery. To learn how to get out of our heads without drinking. Hope you choose to stay sober.
But as it's been mentioned here by other posters, and evidenced many times here on SR in the past few weeks, there is no assurance that "one" night doesn't turn into two, or 2 weeks. Or forever.
There are ways to cope with how you feel right now. That's the whole purpose of recovery. To learn how to get out of our heads without drinking. Hope you choose to stay sober.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Hendrix 
I want to stop the world and get off for a few hours. Visit some place where I don't have to listen to all the noise in my head and in my world around me. A place free of all responsibility and care - where I can just be.........
http://www.urbandharma.org/pdf2/Mind...%20Preview.pdf
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 327
Is there somewhere quiet you can go and rest? Sounds like you need some time away. Maybe take a warm bath and treat yourself to a gourmet dinner? Anything is better than ingesting poison. You know that already. Your AV is telling you you might not get that hungover...wow. AV will say ANYTHING to get us. Don't give in. Try getting lost in a book or a movie. If you want oblivion....just try taking a nap. Good luck and keep us posted.
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Originally Posted by Flynbuy
When I think of maybe, I pause and wonder how many never made it back. I believe we are in rarified air when we gain some sober time. The numbers of those who go out with a year or less have to be huge........Will they make it back?
That's the thought that I go to - I don't play the tape, it doesn't work for me. Will I die this time is good enough.
I don't think I'd have it in me to stop drinking again if I started truth be told.
I know that it wouldn't be one happy night of oblivion and then back to sobriety after having scratched an itch................
It helps to think it through though - thanks to all
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I can tell you the hangover would be eight times worse than you remember since you haven't had a drink in five months.
If your body is as damaged as mine, the hangover would last a week, the acute hangover seven days and it would take MONTHS to get my equilibrium back. Restarting all the PAWS.
If I were to drink one night it would make my soul weep. Why? Because I would know that I was not done drinking and I have not conquered this addiction.
If your body is as damaged as mine, the hangover would last a week, the acute hangover seven days and it would take MONTHS to get my equilibrium back. Restarting all the PAWS.
If I were to drink one night it would make my soul weep. Why? Because I would know that I was not done drinking and I have not conquered this addiction.
Recognising my AV
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: South West of England
Posts: 218
Well it's half eleven at night now and I've chilled out with crap telly and a good dinner. Really glad I didn't drink but feel shell shocked by how hard and fast that desire to drink came from. It wasn't a case of pining for a beer or two to drink "socially" like "normal" people either - it was a compulsion to get as wasted as possible as quickly as possible.
Frightening it was, as it came from nowhere and I thought I'd really made progress recently. I've been making sure I eat a healthy diet and am starting to exercise too. Been looking into mindfulness stuff and trying to work on myself in all areas.
Posting here has helped again but it's been another eye-opener that I can't let down my guard for a second!
Thanks again folks - I'm so glad I won't be waking up with the terrors in the morning..........
Frightening it was, as it came from nowhere and I thought I'd really made progress recently. I've been making sure I eat a healthy diet and am starting to exercise too. Been looking into mindfulness stuff and trying to work on myself in all areas.
Posting here has helped again but it's been another eye-opener that I can't let down my guard for a second!
Thanks again folks - I'm so glad I won't be waking up with the terrors in the morning..........
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
So glad you didnt drink Hendrix i think you are doing great dont throw away so much progress
The AV is cunning baffling and seriously powerful but my greatest tool is acceptance and reaching out in times like these
i think interacting more would really help aswell
Stay awesome Hendrix !
The AV is cunning baffling and seriously powerful but my greatest tool is acceptance and reaching out in times like these
i think interacting more would really help aswell
Stay awesome Hendrix !
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
That was how I knew I had an actual problem and I wasn't just a heavy drinker. Normal people would have quit and never looked back. I had those thoughts every once in a while. They float in and they can float out without acting on them. Good call coming here Hendrix.
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