Soberintexas007

Once I started to drink, I would start to feel that initial buzz after a couple drinks. But to stop after a couple was impossible for me, I always felt compelled to keep on going, keep on drinking. I soon would reach a point in which I don't remember everything, but I still would keep on drinking. I would forget about the importance of the following day and keep on drinking, only to feel completely demoralized the next day when I felt hungover and had an important task(s) to complete.

Alcoholism is a simple equation for me in that once I start drinking, my goal is to get completely smashed that I don't even know where I am anymore.

To be sober means to get enough time sober in which I don't miss anymore that initial buzz after a couple drinks. The further I get away from remembering that buzz, the easier it is for me not to miss it.

FeelingGreat

I don't miss it now either JB. The good of sobriety outweighs the odd wish for a drink.

MelindaFlowers

I can relate to every word. You are doing awesome.

The part about the following day really struck a chord with me. On particularly important nights, like before a job interview, I would swear that I would drink less, only to wake up from a blackout and piecing myself together for the interview.

The term "living nightmare" is so overused but it fits perfectly. I NEVER stopped at one or even six. It was always around 12 drinks. Always. I believe I have some form of post-traumatic stress from the hangovers. Every waking moment was fingernails on a chalkboard.

When I was drinking every day was a LIVING NIGHTMARE.

Happy to share this journey with you.

NikTes

Echo here too. It's getting to the point now where I'm feeling afraid of the idea of picking up the first drink. (Not yet a month sober.) I'm seeing alcohol as the poison it is rather than the remedy I thought it was. Thanks for posting!

SoberAlky

I'll admit alcohol did work for me. For a time. I was holding down two high-profile jobs in two different states while working on an advanced degree online. My pal vodka helped me keep it all together during that time. One or two pulls off a bottle and everything would be A-OK for a while. But sooner or later, you build up a tolerance. It started not working for me well before I could polish off an entire fifth in a 12-16 hour period.

zjw

my entire carreer was fueled by booze i feel. it enabled me to be superman to work hard and play hard as they may say. I removed that and thought good god why did i ever agree to do this for a living. this isnt me. i recall as a kid HATING OFFICE WORK. HATED working at a computer. what do i do? I'm a programmer ::facepalm:: The parts that agitate me about the job i drank away and numbed each night with booze.

I'll be the one to loose the job after sobering up go figure lol.

drinking was never one drink one night i got so drunk with a buddy i puked on the porch my wife got snippy and said that was enough booze for me. I thought yeah whatever had my buddy sneak me more beers. I later slept in a puddle of my own puke on the living room floor.

its gotta be friggen fabulous to be able to have a couple drinks now and then and leave it at that. At least thats what my AV says.

THats the nirvana an alcholic chases after. To be able to have a couple drinks now and then. Thats what I chased after for years. I could never ever do it. I dont think i really wanted to get smashed each time. I wanted to be able to drink like a gentlement and god knows i tried I tried so many times and failed. Just doesnt work that way for me.

SoberAlky

I chased the moderation unicorn for a while. And that's exactly what it is, at least for me, a unicorn. I could manage to moderate for a few days, but I wouldn't be able to stop and before I knew it, I'd be wasted again 24/7.

I won't say moderation can't be done - I've known a few people that have managed it. But I believe for an alcoholic that was as far gone as I was, I think moderation is an unrealistic fantasy.

Soberwolf

Congrats JB

GnikNus

I feel that same way. It's a good way to be, and there's good reason to be afraid of picking up the first drink- because that means the cycle will start over again.

gaffo

I've posted this before but I am a race car driver and I can't tell you how many times I've strapped myself into the car with a hangover. It's hot and it's stressful--the worst circumstances to be feeling bad but there I was AGAIN. It's so easy to drink too much the night before. No, alcohol never worked for me either.

JensDestiny

All of this rings so true for me as well. I usually had great intentions of only drinking one or two but could never stop once I started... until I had passed out and couldn't remember a thing that I had said or done. Yuck! Definitely not something that I miss at all whatsoever.

nymets86

Jb1980, you hit the nail on the head.

My intentions when drinking more often than not were to just get buzzed and keep that buzz going. But once that buzz hits, it's never enough and I want to drink to get hammered. Then things usually get fuzzy/blurry and I still recall drinking. Then I wake up with no recollection of how I got home (or the three times I wound up in the hospital). That feeling is really friggen bad. Don't miss it one bit.

I still miss that period when I have a good buzz going, not going to lie, but the buzz leads to blackout far too often and just isn't worth it.

JimdiGriz

Try three hours.. Thanks for this thread everyone.. I was romancing an idea today for a drink despite things falling easily into place without it.. This thread has kept me straight.

George89

My own dilemma is that I would not consider myself a 'true alcoholic' conventional/stereotypical sense, but I know that alcohol has been having a terrible effect on my mind and body. My drinking pattern is that of a a weekend binge drinker, but not drinking during the working week. That alone has caused me a lot of suffering and ill health over the years. I can't even fathom drinking daily and how spiritually empty and devoid of happiness that would be.

The problem for me is that I just can't handle the aftermath after a night of drinking. Alcohol seems to effect my body and mind to a really strong degree. Take this weekend for example; I had a heavy night of boozing on Saturday night which was initially for a friend's leaving do. At first it was just three beers down the pub which was OK. However, the actual friend who was leaving for a long vacation actually left at a reasonable time, and I then went onto two bars after that with two friends in our group.

The first bar we managed to drink three bottles of prosecco between us - completely unnecessary, then onto another bar, and then I eventually had a one night stand with a girl I met in the second bar.

Anyway, to not drag out what I am trying to say - I had a pretty bad hangover on Sunday, marked primarily by a seemingly high anxiety level that took ages to reduce. Then on Sunday night I did not sleep well, and all day Monday in the office, I felt very zombified. Monday evening I also had an awful sleep, it seemed like my sleeping pattern and the excess alcohol from the weekend was still having an effect. Its like I didn't seem to reach REM sleep at all, and have felt tired and really 'out of it' today, almost worse then yesterday.

So that is practically three whole days of suffering from one night! I suppose I drank a fair amount of alcohol, but it must have worked out to something like 4 pints, and one bottle of prosecco. Its just astonishing how badly my body and mind seem to be effected.

I almost wish I could just be honest and say, I don't want to drink because it has a terrible effect on me, and its as simple as that. Although, I feel so worried about how it would be perceived, and how I would navigate my social life, but it gets to a point where I realize that my health must take center stage and I know for sure my life will get better without it.

I just need to build some sober road miles up and I know I will get to a better, calmer, happier me. I suppose part of the the fear and anxiety that comes with being trapped in the cycle is that you don't know when the next time is that you will poison yourself is. And that's a somewhat distressing place to be. At least when you build up some time sober then you know you have a real choice to drink again or not, your self control comes back again.

Sorry for the ramblings..

Bmac

Every night I would calculate how much I could drink and how long it would take my liver to burn it off so that I could be at 0 BAC by the time I needed to get to work. My lucky number was usually 13 shots of whiskey and then I would stop. My life completely revolved around that day after day. Work, drink, sleep (pass out), repeat. It was a prison I am glad to no longer be in.

Para

It's the same way with me. I have every intention of just getting a pleasant buzz, but then I drink to the point that i'm blacked out, yet i'm still drinking while in a blackout or until i pass out. And when i'm in a black out, I say and do the craziest things. I'll eat really sloppy and have food all over my clothes, it's really bad. It's the day after for me, i'm hungover, and disgusted with myself.
Today is sober day 1 for me.