Watching from afar as alcohol drags down old friends
 

It's been interesting observing from afar (literally and figuratively) how alcohol is gradually affecting my old crowd. My old gang has just crossed the boundary into our 40's, and it's pretty easy to tell which people aren't ready to let the party end.

One such couple just got a divorce. Not surprisingly they are also both pretty heavy drinkers. Since their divorce, he's now dating a woman half his age and wasting his fortune...meanwhile she's turned into a barfly and weekend day-drinker. Her happiest moments seem to be when she is posting pictures of her drinks on facebook. He seems to be withdrawing into silence.

Another buddy of mine was at a get-together this weekend and actually passed out at the party and had to be taken to bed. He's been to rehab for addiction to pain pills several times and has quit this addiction, only to hit the bottle harder than ever. Sounds like he's traded one addiction for another.

Meanwhile, other friends of mine have taken notice of my positive changes and lifestyle upgrade. One of them signed off on an e-mail this weekend with "keep winning at life!" - and I had to smile. Three years ago, nobody envied my lifestyle. My life is certainly not perfect, not by a long shot, but at least I'm giving 100% out here. And I think that people respect that I am doing things my way and doing them sober. I'll take respect over perfection any day of the week, and I'd take anything over being a drunk again! Sure hope my friends see the light before alcohol sinks its claws in too deep like it did to me.

Well said Big. Way to go with gratitude. Awesome. :) Certainly your friends have a good friend in you, and I too hope they see the light sooner than later.

Well said BigS

Since I've managed to stay abstinent my life has been really tough. But I wouldn't trade it for one second of my drunken past, ever. Most of my friends are moderate to light drinkers so they are progressing on life's path pretty well. There is one friend who I don't see often (he lives overseas) but every time I do he is drinking really heavily. Last time was early this year when we came back to my home after dinner. Most folks shared one bottle and as normal folk, simply lingered over the one glass. He proceeded to finish the bottle and then drank the next bottle solo. No one said anything but he stuck out like a sore thumb, constantly reaching for the bottle every 5 minutes. I realised that I must have been just like that too. As an alky, I have a sinking feeling about his drinking especially when he boasts that 2 bottles of wine is nothing to him. I do hope he gets to his sense soon.

I'm in my late 50s and I've noticed that many friends and acquaintances have either slid into heavy 'social' drinking, or like me have consciously either reduced or stopped drinking, mainly in reaction to the danger of drinking too much.

Yeah my friends couldn't believe it when $#!t hit the fan and I quit drinking. To them I was the one that had it all. Long marriage, owned my house and cars, good kids, good career. I was the one always called to bail them out, be there when they had family problems etc.... They just couldn't see that I had a problem.
Several of my old drinking buddies are divorced. A couple have committed suicide in the past couple of years. Some have several DUI's and all kinds of dysfunction and drama. We're all in our late forties and early fifties. You'd think it was time to grow up. Some of these people still can't understand why I had to quit drinking and think it was because my wife was just a harsh b!Tc#. In reality she was just trying to save me (and herself) from the fate that they are now realizing.
I have had a couple of them tell me that they wish they could do what I'm doing. What am I doing other than trying to save my own a$$? Self preservation, common sense but that's a difficult concept when your constantly inebriated. Only took me till 49 to figure it out.
Great post and good job getting your life back.

Great post Big

I have had the same issue big--my former "gang" are still drinking
and I don't like to be around it.

I can see many of them mentally and physically getting old and sick from the booze
and doing the same "revolving party" for years now.

It's like a time warp to go to one of these events, except their kids are grown up and ACOAs with their own issues, like I was (and still am).

Funny how life keeps unfolding whatever our choices.
Sounds like you made a very wise one with your sobriety
Keep up the good work :)

it hought about starting a thread like this myself.

I have a few friends that the party still hasnt ended. they all smoke dope all the time and drink whenever. One has one foot in the be serious camp and the other in the party world. as he watches people like me on one side and his other friends just never get serious about life. Seriously many of these folks never matured much past high school

those are folks my age. Fast farward a little. another friend of mine his brother hung around the same kinds of folks all his life. his brother had a kid whos in foster care cause well mom and dad have been in and out of jail a few times and such. My friend just had me pick up his brothers things from hospice to ship to him. he died 58 years old from lung cancer. all the years of smoking got him I suppose before the booze and coke and everything else.

None of these folks could i tell ya too much other then they where nice people who's lives revolved around drugs and booze and normally not a lot further from there.

I know despite my sins I have more hope now. more hope i wont get cirrosis or go to jail for something stupid. More hope my family wont fall apart. more hope I wont get lung cancer. My chances of a happy life have increased 100 fold since quiting booze.

oh and the one who died in hospice. saddest part is he died alone. with no one. I guess everyone was in jail or at the party he couldn get too? I dunno sad.

Thanks, Big S. Your post resonated with me.

Right out of college, I made a new friends in the city where I relocated and many of their friends became my own. One was always a friend (never more) who was a long-standing part of the gang and I would see him fairly often for the better part of a dozen years or so. Early on, we were all whooping it up and I didn't know that there was a problem running deeper for him.

Before then, he'd been part of the hot, hot, hot tech scene in Texas; later, I learned his star had already fallen because of his drinking when he returned to his home state and rejoined the old gang. Had his life followed a different path, who knows what he'd have achieved? There must have been a time in his life when it seemed he had it all -- witty, charming, whip-smart and at the top of his field. Concurrently, his equally talented brother's star kept rising -- he has gone on to reach the apex of his own niche in the software world, renowned for pioneering accomplishments that continue today.

Some years back, ties were cut after he created an embarrassing, very public scene while with some of the friends for whom it was justifiably the last straw. We heard things worsened from there. Then, he resurfaced seven or so years ago, sober. I saw him a few times at social events. We were all hopeful that he was turning things around. Then he wasn't sober -- again. Ties were severed, permanently this time, after some hurtful remarks to a friend. As time went by, we heard he basically had shut himself off completely, drinking non-stop.

Until it killed him, dying alone, his body undiscovered for several days. It was the first time I'd heard of esophageal hemorrhage.

It was an eye-opener. He was only seven years older than me. A crying shame.

Knowing then that I had a drinking problem, I'd like to say that his death was the much-needed impetus for me to quit. It took another four-plus years.