Relapsing On Mouthwash
 

Hi everyone.

I'm no stranger to these parts, or AA, or sobriety. I am 37 1/2 as of March 28th, have been a practicing alcoholic since sometime in 2006 (although my mother drank vodka when I was in the womb, for 5 months); I've appealed to these forums multiple times when in very dire circumstances and have received a tremendous amount of help, for which I am grateful for.

I was not a true alcoholic until 2006. Before that, I had a cutoff point, did not ever want to get drunk, etc. All that changed in the year.

So now: I was sober from Jan 2014-Aug2014. Over 7 months. I relapsed. Unlike in previous years, I was not making money. So, I turned to the 'poor man's alcoholic substitute: mouthwash.

I won't detail what I've gone through since August. The horrors are better left in the past. I used to turn to wine or vodka in relapses; but since then, it's been... horrific mouthwash. For the most part. Mouthwash causes horrific vomiting and other problems, but, being an alcoholic, I took/take what I could/can get. Right now, I'm stuck on unflavored mouthwash, the most harsh kind but without all those 'minty' chemicals. (Trust me, I know how insane this is.)

Now, in the new Spring 2015, I want desperately to become sober again. I'm tired of mouthwash, it's killing my liver and other organs, I deserve better. Many reasons.

I posted here in Dec 2014 for help. Unfortunately I did not get help at the hospital and had to taper my own self off, yet again, for the thousandth time. Despite paying my own way at hospital for the years prior without insurance, this time, I was treated like a leper.

I have not been able to get off completely. The extreme binge-drinking 'send me to the hospital to detox' persona has thankfully not re-emerged. YET.


I want help, I want off the damn alcohol once and for all. I was in AA for 4 years. IT DID NOTHING FOR ME. It made me want to drink more, after almost every meeting. I am extremely spiritual, I believe and live by God. I'm not an athiest.


How on earth can I get help?

I'm in Waynesboro, VA, USA right now. I looked up local meetings - nobody answers phones for the local number. I have no ride to meetings here. Back in Tulsa, OK, I was used to someone always answering the 24/7 number. I do want to attend a meeting and reconnect with my fellow alcoholics. I need help - I'm not so stupid to not see this. I'm not 100% sober, for months now, I've managed to 'skirt' the limits. I live with people and have things to do on a daily basis so I can't be drunk, ever. But I WANT help. I need off this stuff, need help. Can anyone offer a solution, or a start to one?

Thanks.

By the way... if someone wants a rundown of all the horrors one experiences on an ALCOHOLIC MOUTHWASH RELAPSE, I would be happy to list the details. It is NOT pretty.

SG, have you ever heard of or tried Rational Recovery? Can't link you as it's a commercial site. Google it.

Yeah. I wish something like this would work for me. Seriously. Thank you!

Sorry to hear you're still stuck.

I hope someone here can help you with local knowledge about AA meetings SG.

Have you tried online meetings at all?

D

There is also SMART recovery. They offer 4-8 text and voice call meetings daily.

Same as going to church and drinking gods blood (wine).

Go to your doctor. In that closed room, safe from exposure, lay it all out. "I'm an alcoholic, I drink mouthwash for a buzz, I'm broke, and I'm desperate for help."

I was in similar circumstance. My doctor very calmly said, "Here's what I can do." We're doing it. He's charging me what I can afford and sending my prescriptions to the cheapest place he can find.

You have a medical condition. If you go to a doctor they will treat it.

Virginia AA - Area 71 of Alcoholics Anonymous - Virginia Intergroups

had you worked the steps?

Gee thats rough. I presume now you are doing that for the withdrawals

What about a librium detox? I agree with trachemys above

My doctor laughed when I told him that if he couldn't help me on the cheap, I'd be signing promissory notes I'd never keep. Then he helped.

Hi SoberGirl, I completely understand your sentiments regarding AA. I never got any better while going to AA because alcohol was still front and center, in this case the not consuming of it. I didn't try rational recovery for the same reason. Where I succeeded was making alcohol irrelevant to my life by creating new social circles that had nothing to do with drinking or not drinking.

That said, do you have insurance or Medicaid? While I have many criticisms of the treatment industry, I personally would have been unable to stop had I not taken that first step of admitting that I can't do it myself. Treatment gave me the tools to stop flailing about trying to get sober on my own and give me some real tools for sobriety. From what you've said I think continues advice to "work the steps" is flogging a dead horse. At least it was for me, so there's nothing wrong if it is.

You know when they read out chapter five? You must have heard it a thousand times. Did you actually do that stuff?

AA has never actually done anything for me. It didn't fix any of my problems or pay any of my bills. It did give me opportunities for service to others, and it showed me how to have a spritual experience through the steps, but it didn't do it for me.

It is possible you are a victim of those who think all you need to do is don't drink and go to meetings, and you now know what happens to alcoholics of your type who follow that approach. AA is much more than meetings. It's a matter of finding someone in the fellowship who knows that and is willing to take you through the steps. That is the most reliable path to recovery I know of.

I'm sorry to hear this. But why mouthwash? I'm definitely not suggesting you drink, but if you have the urge, why are you drinking mouthwash?

Hi.
I identify with much reading your post. I didn’t recognize very much in the beginning about MY undisciplined living along with my self centeredness this and other characteristics like isolation, resentments fear and feelings I drank to conceal.
I resisted AA for too long because of ignorant reasoning on my part.

Finally when I got sick and tired of being sick and tired with a lot of prodding I became honest with myself about my drinking and accepted the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row.

As stated above we get and stay sober our self with the help of going to meetings and practicing the program of the 12 steps. We get personal encouragement to stay sober and helping other alcoholics we help them and ourselves.

Yes it’s work many are not used to but is so rewarding as we proceed in a healthy lifestyle.

I started many years ago and am still far from perfect so continue to go to hear the pearls I need.

BE WELL

:a122:

Even after a lot of years I still need to focus on posts like this.

Thank you for your condescending post. FYI I tried to be a hardcore AAer after leaving treatment. I read the Big Book and worked my step guide religiously. I also had an overbearing sponsor who constantly lectured and berated me. No one ever reached out to me, even after showing up at a meeting in the throes of detox and publicly begged for a sponsor. I was also mocked and crosstalked during my sharing. I was told multiple times I was never going to get sober. It is for these reasons I brook no criticism that AA failed me because of my own shortcomings. It is a terrible organization in my experience. I am sober now no thanks to AA and hardcore 12 steppers need to accept there is more than one way to skin a cat and quit Big Book beating.

I don't go to AA but I honestly didn't find that post condescending at all. Perhaps we are reading it differently. I do wish you all the best.

I like your quote stratman1

Here is a link to the AA Virginia site:

Virginia AA - Area 71 of Alcoholics Anonymous

You can look up local meetings from this site.

I have also drank mouthwash in the past (the minty kind) so I feel your pain.

Here is a link to a website where you can find free or low cost clinics:

www.needymeds.org

I'm sorry for the way you were treated by the doctors and hope you find a way to get help soon! Best of luck to you!