mnh1982

I have reason to suspect that my AH is using AA meetings as a place to meet up with people who are either selling him drugs, giving them to him, or otherwise feeding his narcotics addiction.

Does anyone else have any experience with this?

He frequently can't find his cell phone, or "loses" it, or it runs out of minutes. For the last month or so, he keeps saying he is going back to AA meetings because "they help", but then he disappears & doesn't come home until well after midnight, & then, always with some insane excuse for why he is back so late.

(Mind you, the AA meetings in our area are all fairly close to where we live, & none are scheduled to run longer than an hour to 2 hours, tops...)

esinger

Could be hanging out with some members. I used to go out for late night ice cream or coffee after meetings quite frequently. There's also a lot of "characters" and court ordered people just going to get their slips signed. Hard to say.

CAPTAINZING2000

Never heard of hooking up for drugs at an AA meeting here. I've heard of people doing that at NA though.

Alcohol is but a symptom of our bad behavior. This must be lost on your hubby, the responsible thing to do is to call after or mention before leaving he's going out for coffee etc. afterwards.

mnh1982

You would think, but that's his other trademark: somehow he's always either out of minutes on his phone, "can't find it", it's not charged up, or he just flat out doesn't answer when I call.

Maybe it's just me, but that doesn't sound like going to an AA meeting to me. It sounds like he's either using AA as a cover for something, or is doing something he knows he shouldn't be afterwards.

Johnston

Ask him what meeting he's going to and when he'll be home.

mnh1982

I know the meeting schedule for our area-it's posted on their website.

He will tell me he "should be home" at a certain time, & then, of course, is not. Since we're down to one vehicle (mine) it's not as if I can go to the meeting location after he leaves & check to see if the car is in the parking lot, etc...

Hawks

Go with him and find out.

I have 3 years of AA experience and not once have I seen or been offered anything else but coffee and a biscuit.

The head space is very very typical early sobriety stuff.

It's awful..... You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached.

honeypig

My A told me for 4 years that he was going to meetings and never went to a single one...just b/c he says that's where he is going is no guarantee that he's within 5 miles of a meeting!

And whether or not he's actually at a meeting or not, the behavior is certainly unacceptable--that's what counts, in my book.

ScottFromWI

Lying and hiding things is Certainly common amongst addicts, I did it for years when I was actively drinking. You can't stop it though unfortunately....he will need to become honest by his own choices.

Why not drop him off and pick him up at the meetings?

esinger

Not sure how long you've been married but my wife could tell right away if I was under the influence of anything. What do you notice? I used to lie all the time. Had no idea I was just making an a$$ of myself.

LBrain

I'm sure it's possible. As far as I know, AA meetings are the safest place to go.

I've heard some things about na meetings. Not so safe.

2muchpain

Great idea!!!! Tell him you need the car for something, shopping, visiting a friend, etc., and see what happens. John

sugarbear1

It is possible

totfit

Most likely he is using AA meetings as a way to get out of the house or excuse, then not going at all.

MIRecovery

If it looks, walks and quacks like a duck chances are it is a duck.

Latte

His behavior is not saying he is attending meetings. I abused opioids and alcohol on and off and I can tell you that I did what he is doing. I was using. I wasn't going to meetings. I hid it for years.

Tamerua

It is probably a cover. If this is happening a lot, I would tell him to hoof it. Why should you be without your car?

Boleo

I agree. His behavior has nothing to do with actually "going" to meetings.

IOAA2

Hi.
I strongly suggest reading the forum on this site “Friends and Families.” Along with Al Anon meetings in your area seeing there are a lot of AA meetings.
Alcoholics have a terrible reputation in general with honesty. Being one I’ve been there.

BE WELL

SoberAlky

Mnh, I'm going to make a suggestion I made on another thread. Rather than driving yourself crazy with speculation and asking other people here to make judgments on a situation they know nothing about, why don't you just ask him what's up? It's surprising how often you will actually get a straight answer.