Walls...
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Walls...
How many walls did I build in my life with empty bottles? I swear, I let myself become so isolated... Was this all so I could maintain my drinking? Yes, I'm an introvert by nature, I like my solitude... But there's a a difference and I was certainly shutting people out at the drop of a hat.
Oh well, if I built em I can break em down!
Oh well, if I built em I can break em down!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
tough call. i'm an introvert as well and some of those walls dont come down that easily for me.
yes in my case i have to learn how to step out of my shell once in a while and be around the living. I think thats a good exercise for me but the shell is also a good place for me too.
I dunno maybe you find you keep some of the walls and you add some doors?
yes in my case i have to learn how to step out of my shell once in a while and be around the living. I think thats a good exercise for me but the shell is also a good place for me too.
I dunno maybe you find you keep some of the walls and you add some doors?
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Oh, I like that, adding doors!
I actually like being around people, but know that I enjoy the majority of time alone. So, in that sense, it is healthy; reading, writing, art, etc. are, for me, done in this place. Sadly, so was drinking!
I actually like being around people, but know that I enjoy the majority of time alone. So, in that sense, it is healthy; reading, writing, art, etc. are, for me, done in this place. Sadly, so was drinking!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
You might also want to figure out your natural preferred way of socializing, and use that to build what's both most satisfying and least draining for you. Also what sort of relating excites you and what are you naturally good at (you might also find some of the biggest challenges with it, which can be quite inspiring and fodder for personal growth). I think it's best if we build especially our personal lives knowing what is most likely to be rewarding for us, as opposed to forcing something or overly obeying to external expectations.
For example, I have always been very much into one-on-one relationships and have typically cultivated at least one or two close ones at a given period since early childhood. Except the last ~2 years of my drinking -- that isolation was very destructive. But like you, I am equally comfortable with a lot of quality alone time as well (I would not count solo drinking as "quality" of course). In terms of walls, I actually tend to have a dual challenge regarding this: often keep my guards too high, and sometimes (when I feel comfortable and I feel a good chemistry with someone) have no boundaries at all. This is default for me, something that I am trying to work on now to make it more balanced -- it involves a lot of figuring out the underlying mechanisms, which I enjoy doing (lots of analysis and introspection).
For example, I have always been very much into one-on-one relationships and have typically cultivated at least one or two close ones at a given period since early childhood. Except the last ~2 years of my drinking -- that isolation was very destructive. But like you, I am equally comfortable with a lot of quality alone time as well (I would not count solo drinking as "quality" of course). In terms of walls, I actually tend to have a dual challenge regarding this: often keep my guards too high, and sometimes (when I feel comfortable and I feel a good chemistry with someone) have no boundaries at all. This is default for me, something that I am trying to work on now to make it more balanced -- it involves a lot of figuring out the underlying mechanisms, which I enjoy doing (lots of analysis and introspection).
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
"In terms of walls, I actually tend to have a dual challenge regarding this: often keep my guards too high, and sometimes (when I feel comfortable and I feel a good chemistry with someone) have no boundaries at all. This is default for me, something that I am trying to work on now to make it more balanced -- it involves a lot of figuring out the underlying mechanisms, which I enjoy doing (lots of analysis and introspection)."
I hear ya on this! It is all about balance, the give and take, the gentle opening (of a door) or slight dissolution of a wall, to see whom or what is on the other side. Maybe, as an alcoholic, I've become more cautious of things that appear to be seemingly good and turn out to be poison. So, as a protective element, I just lump everything into one category.
One on one time is best; less draining, for me, than with a group and the intimacy, in a platonic sense, can be nurtured and cultivated.
Thank you all!
I hear ya on this! It is all about balance, the give and take, the gentle opening (of a door) or slight dissolution of a wall, to see whom or what is on the other side. Maybe, as an alcoholic, I've become more cautious of things that appear to be seemingly good and turn out to be poison. So, as a protective element, I just lump everything into one category.
One on one time is best; less draining, for me, than with a group and the intimacy, in a platonic sense, can be nurtured and cultivated.
Thank you all!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by inthekeyofg 
"In terms of walls, I actually tend to have a dual challenge regarding this: often keep my guards too high, and sometimes (when I feel comfortable and I feel a good chemistry with someone) have no boundaries at all. This is default for me, something that I am trying to work on now to make it more balanced -- it involves a lot of figuring out the underlying mechanisms, which I enjoy doing (lots of analysis and introspection)."
I hear ya on this! It is all about balance, the give and take, the gentle opening (of a door) or slight dissolution of a wall, to see whom or what is on the other side. Maybe, as an alcoholic, I've become more cautious of things that appear to be seemingly good and turn out to be poison. So, as a protective element, I just lump everything into one category.
One on one time is best; less draining, for me, than with a group and the intimacy, in a platonic sense, can be nurtured and cultivated.
Thank you all!
I hear ya on this! It is all about balance, the give and take, the gentle opening (of a door) or slight dissolution of a wall, to see whom or what is on the other side. Maybe, as an alcoholic, I've become more cautious of things that appear to be seemingly good and turn out to be poison. So, as a protective element, I just lump everything into one category.
One on one time is best; less draining, for me, than with a group and the intimacy, in a platonic sense, can be nurtured and cultivated.
Thank you all!
Some of what you describe sounds normal to me. I had to become more accepting of who i was and be ok with the fact that hey i'm an introvert i like more alone time i'm not the most social person and that is ok it is just how i am.
I also keep up my guard and then sometimes seemingly have no guard at all. sometimes i get burned becuase of this. I like to keep people at a distance from me. It keeps me safe. I do not see this as a problem. I see this as this is how i am. It becomes a problem if it bothers me or causes some kind of an issue.
For example my wife would like it if i was more out going more social and spent more time with some of her friends. I on the other hand keep these folks at a distance. It protects my emotions. I dont want or have the ablity to mingle with these folkds just for the sake of mingling. I like to to have a few meaningful relationships rather then tons of socialization i do just for the sake of socializing. I come out of my shell now and then and entertain these folks. But seeing as how we have little if anything in common and I do not exactly see some great bonds forming I just leave it at that.
Point is sometimes our behavior is fine its just how we are and we have to acept it as such. Other times yeah we gotta get out of our shells.
July 4, 2014
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 97
Wow, I most certainly needed to hear this!
Thank you!
Thank you!
Originally Posted by zjw
Some of what you describe sounds normal to me. I had to become more accepting of who i was and be ok with the fact that hey i'm an introvert i like more alone time i'm not the most social person and that is ok it is just how i am.
I also keep up my guard and then sometimes seemingly have no guard at all. sometimes i get burned becuase of this. I like to keep people at a distance from me. It keeps me safe. I do not see this as a problem. I see this as this is how i am. It becomes a problem if it bothers me or causes some kind of an issue.
For example my wife would like it if i was more out going more social and spent more time with some of her friends. I on the other hand keep these folks at a distance. It protects my emotions. I dont want or have the ablity to mingle with these folkds just for the sake of mingling. I like to to have a few meaningful relationships rather then tons of socialization i do just for the sake of socializing. I come out of my shell now and then and entertain these folks. But seeing as how we have little if anything in common and I do not exactly see some great bonds forming I just leave it at that.
Point is sometimes our behavior is fine its just how we are and we have to acept it as such. Other times yeah we gotta get out of our shells.
I also keep up my guard and then sometimes seemingly have no guard at all. sometimes i get burned becuase of this. I like to keep people at a distance from me. It keeps me safe. I do not see this as a problem. I see this as this is how i am. It becomes a problem if it bothers me or causes some kind of an issue.
For example my wife would like it if i was more out going more social and spent more time with some of her friends. I on the other hand keep these folks at a distance. It protects my emotions. I dont want or have the ablity to mingle with these folkds just for the sake of mingling. I like to to have a few meaningful relationships rather then tons of socialization i do just for the sake of socializing. I come out of my shell now and then and entertain these folks. But seeing as how we have little if anything in common and I do not exactly see some great bonds forming I just leave it at that.
Point is sometimes our behavior is fine its just how we are and we have to acept it as such. Other times yeah we gotta get out of our shells.
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