Going out and not drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 13
Going out and not drinking
Hi guys, I posted this earlier but I realised I had posted in the wrong forum. I appreciate the support I have already gotten from so many of you, it is so nice to know that I am not in this alone and that there are so many people out there willing to help others.
However, I have a question and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I am going out tonight with my friends to our usual destination, but tonight I am not going to be drinking, hopefully. I have been sober for only 4 days, and I need to know how I can be around alcohol and others who will be drinking without touching a single drop, and ultimately ending up with no memory of the night before, like I usually do.
It's going to be so difficult for me and I know it will be but I want to prove to myself that I am able to do this, and have fun without be under the influence. I need to do this for myself, and in the long run, for my recovery.
Thank you in advance
However, I have a question and I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice. I am going out tonight with my friends to our usual destination, but tonight I am not going to be drinking, hopefully. I have been sober for only 4 days, and I need to know how I can be around alcohol and others who will be drinking without touching a single drop, and ultimately ending up with no memory of the night before, like I usually do.
It's going to be so difficult for me and I know it will be but I want to prove to myself that I am able to do this, and have fun without be under the influence. I need to do this for myself, and in the long run, for my recovery.
Thank you in advance
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 780
Well done on 4 days Emma - that's brilliant.
When I first got sober I was determined to keep my life as "normal" as possible, this meant (to me) going out "socialising" most weekends - I did manage it but I eventually relapsed - (this is only my experience), it was just too early for me to be in that environment....looking back now it was making things really hard on myself too. Only now can I go out but I know when to leave and who i can socialise like this with.
Life does change but not in a bad way, you just have to learn a new way that keeps you sober.
L x
When I first got sober I was determined to keep my life as "normal" as possible, this meant (to me) going out "socialising" most weekends - I did manage it but I eventually relapsed - (this is only my experience), it was just too early for me to be in that environment....looking back now it was making things really hard on myself too. Only now can I go out but I know when to leave and who i can socialise like this with.
Life does change but not in a bad way, you just have to learn a new way that keeps you sober.
L x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 32
I did the exact same thing a few weeks ago. I had a good time and thankfully I didn't drink but the whole night felt so strange. Almost like I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin. Hopefully this will get better with time.
If I had the night to do over, I would have chosen not to go. Too much temptation and stress, but that's just me.
Congrats on your sobriety! Good luck tonight and let us know how things worked out.
If I had the night to do over, I would have chosen not to go. Too much temptation and stress, but that's just me.
Congrats on your sobriety! Good luck tonight and let us know how things worked out.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Four days is early.
Recovery requires a lot of changes. You might has well get used to making them now. When you have a little sobriety under your belt, you'll find it easier being around drinking and drinkers.
Good luck.
Recovery requires a lot of changes. You might has well get used to making them now. When you have a little sobriety under your belt, you'll find it easier being around drinking and drinkers.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
IF you are successful the AV says you can continue doing it. Then BANG you think you can drink A drink and suddenly it’s back to square one, another struggling period to try to stop AGAIN.
It’s been showed too often that the safe thing is to stay away from slippery places so we don’t slip.
BE WELL
IF you are successful the AV says you can continue doing it. Then BANG you think you can drink A drink and suddenly it’s back to square one, another struggling period to try to stop AGAIN.
It’s been showed too often that the safe thing is to stay away from slippery places so we don’t slip.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I had to give up going out for weeks, build up some Sober muscles!!
Sobriety is gonna mean making some tough decisions on the activities to get involved in and the people to hang out with.
Continuing to do the same things and simply not drink sometimes isn't what Sobriety is all about, it's about carving out a new lifestyle, a new "non drinker" lifestyle!!
Sobriety is gonna mean making some tough decisions on the activities to get involved in and the people to hang out with.
Continuing to do the same things and simply not drink sometimes isn't what Sobriety is all about, it's about carving out a new lifestyle, a new "non drinker" lifestyle!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Emma-
I certainly wouldn't do something like this as a newcomer to sobriety.
I only mention that since you have solicited opinions on the matter.
I still have a healthy fear of alcohol, but that's just me.
I wish you the best with your decision and your sobriety.
I certainly wouldn't do something like this as a newcomer to sobriety.
I only mention that since you have solicited opinions on the matter.
I still have a healthy fear of alcohol, but that's just me.
I wish you the best with your decision and your sobriety.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
At 4 days i wouldnt go anywhere near ppl drinking its far too soon the risk of relapse is extremly high
best to stay away from that for a while in favor of building sober muscles
At 4 days i think its very risky
best to stay away from that for a while in favor of building sober muscles
At 4 days i think its very risky
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Dust yourself off and start over. However, this time make sure you want to quit drinking and do not hang out with people who drink. I know this sound harsh but it's the only way. There are no reason to seek out alcohol and people who engage in drinking. You will encounter enough of temptation without seeking it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i could do it now. and I would if i HAD too. but I honestly dont know how i could find any enjoyment at this point sitting say in a bar with my friends while they all drink. I'd be thoroughly annoyed and ready to go home. earlier on in sobriety i'd have been week and liable to give in or just be really stressed the whole time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Emma, when I got Sober I needed to seriously think and make some difficult decisions about the activities I was going to get involved in and the people I was going to hang out with.
As I mentioned earlier you can't simply remove alcohol from your life and continue on as normal, Sobriety is going to take some work, you have to make it happen with actions, and Day 4 going out with friends probably shouldn't be on the list this early on!!
Go at things again, but tweak you're plan to make it happen!!
As I mentioned earlier you can't simply remove alcohol from your life and continue on as normal, Sobriety is going to take some work, you have to make it happen with actions, and Day 4 going out with friends probably shouldn't be on the list this early on!!
Go at things again, but tweak you're plan to make it happen!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Will power isn't enough in early sobriety in risky situations.
You have just seen that in action--so, as someone else said,
dust yourself off and start making a new plan where you stay in
safe non-drinking situations for a good long while. Also,
you need to think about getting some support and working
on recovery, not just on not drinking. They aren't the same.
You may have to make some serious life changes to get there, at least
in the beginning, but Emma, if you are blackout drinking regularly, you
truly are correct that you need to stop drinking whatever it takes.
You can do this--take the plunge and really commit all in
You have just seen that in action--so, as someone else said,
dust yourself off and start making a new plan where you stay in
safe non-drinking situations for a good long while. Also,
you need to think about getting some support and working
on recovery, not just on not drinking. They aren't the same.
You may have to make some serious life changes to get there, at least
in the beginning, but Emma, if you are blackout drinking regularly, you
truly are correct that you need to stop drinking whatever it takes.
You can do this--take the plunge and really commit all in
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
At first I tried doing the same things as when I was drinking. Luckily I din't relapse, but it def made my life harder for myself than I needed to.
Call your friend and apologise. She should be a friend to try to keep if she was trying to keep you sober. (A lot of my friends were more interested in sabotaging my efforts at sobriety as it didn't fit in with their own needs.) Hopefully she will understand that this was evidence of your addiction, and not how you feel about her, but she deserves an apology as she was being a good friend and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Apologise with no excuses or buts. If she's still mad at you take her reaction on the chin.
The way I ended up playing it was that if I'm meeting friends who are drinking I meet them just for an hour or so, while they're still relatively sober, then I disappear of for some sober time. I make sure people know that I may need to go off in a hurry. I make sure to know a good coffee place or shop that'll be open nearby if I need to escape silliness. Over time I've found that I'm not boring as I'd feared I would be. But that being with drunk people is boring. Even the ones I love. And I don't put myself through the hassle of spending too much time with them. (I'm dreading a hen weekend / wedding in a month or so as my normal strategies are all going to be a bit tricky).
Anyway - over time you will find what works for you, but its def worth leaving nights out in bars off the calendar for a while til you're more comfortable in your sobriety.
Good luck x
Call your friend and apologise. She should be a friend to try to keep if she was trying to keep you sober. (A lot of my friends were more interested in sabotaging my efforts at sobriety as it didn't fit in with their own needs.) Hopefully she will understand that this was evidence of your addiction, and not how you feel about her, but she deserves an apology as she was being a good friend and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Apologise with no excuses or buts. If she's still mad at you take her reaction on the chin.
The way I ended up playing it was that if I'm meeting friends who are drinking I meet them just for an hour or so, while they're still relatively sober, then I disappear of for some sober time. I make sure people know that I may need to go off in a hurry. I make sure to know a good coffee place or shop that'll be open nearby if I need to escape silliness. Over time I've found that I'm not boring as I'd feared I would be. But that being with drunk people is boring. Even the ones I love. And I don't put myself through the hassle of spending too much time with them. (I'm dreading a hen weekend / wedding in a month or so as my normal strategies are all going to be a bit tricky).
Anyway - over time you will find what works for you, but its def worth leaving nights out in bars off the calendar for a while til you're more comfortable in your sobriety.
Good luck x
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