seemedrink

So I'm 7 months sober right now, but it was absolute hell to get here. Honestly, some things I say in this thread a lot of you aren't going to like, but I feel the need to explain how I got to this point

I was drinking a few times a week, mostly beer, until I came to this website. Now, I'm not going to blame anyone but myself, but this website really did keep me drinking longer than I should have. Reading stories here about how people would go through DTs scared the hell out of me, and I continued to drink because I didn't know how to quit.

To add to that issue, when I explained this to people on this website, I was all but immediately removed from the chat room (which I'm still banned from 2 years later). And while I understand this website has it's rules, you should never do that to someone that honestly needed your help. And for that, I'll always have a sour taste in my mouth.

But leaving that aside, I eventually did cut down from drinking a 5th a day to once or twice a week. The problem was that when I wasn't drinking I started to get severe anxiety. Anxiety to the point that I thought I was having a heart attack... every 5 minutes. I ended up in the hospital so many times I can't even count. And eventually I admitted myself to the psych ward.

Long story short, I'm 7 months sober and I can't believe how far gone I actually was. Looking back now, it's like a completely different person. But my question was is that severe anxiety normal? Even so long after quitting? I still have a few attacks here and there, but they're nothing like they were a month in or so.

I met a lot of interesting people through all this and I don't considering myself an alcoholic. I feel no need or want to drink. I know I should be proud of myself but I'm not. It's something I just needed to do and I did it. I tried a few AA meetings and honestly, I'd rather not sit through them and rehash what I did to myself over and over. It's just not my thing.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I just felt the need to hop out of bed and come back to this website.... the website that turned it's back on me when I needed help.

Berrybean

No idea about the chat room stuff as I've never used it. But, I would say that I think that you're missing a lot of what AA has to offer you and your recovery. (But then you say you're not an alcoholic!)

The meetings are one part of it - and there is NO need to rehash what you did to yourself. In fact it works better when you focus on the positive of living sober. With AA you get out of it what you put into it. The anxiety is part of a lot of (most) peoples journey to sobriety. A lot of this is worked through if you follow the AA 12-step program. But you have to work at it. Yourself. It's not enough to turn up at a few meetings, dismiss half of it as depressing and the other half of it as not how it happened for you. Recovery can't just seep into your pores, you have to work for it.

I learnt the hard way myself. I stopped drinking, and was turning up for meetings, but didn't think my 'problem' really warranted working the steps. I sank lower and lower, and eventually got referred for help by my boss when she realised that my Doctor was more or less refusing to help - probably because he didn't know how. Anyway - after that extra help I started looking at the AA program a bit more seriously, because I wanted to learn to live sober and happy and stop living as a miserable dry-drunk who was angry, sad and bitter most of the time.

Sure. You can go to bed feeling angry about what happened 2 years ago. (I have no idea about the ins and outs of what happened). But is that a healthy resentment to be carrying round and focussing on?

Berrybean

And looking at the (one) thread that you started / participated in, it looks like people on here took time to give you some sound advice and their thoughts.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cut-back.html

Fluffer

You appear to be nursing an unjustified grievance against SR. Resentments against imagined wrongs will not help you remain sober. Might I suggest you change your attitude to one of gratitude for your recovery and the people who took the time to try and help you here on this free resource?

Berrybean

Or even just focus on the people who have helped you who are nothing to do with this website. An 'attitude of gratitude' really does help get over those festering resentments which, as Fluffer said, really don't help you. (And if you're asking yourself 'why should I?' - the answer is, 'because it'll make you happier' and it's easier to stay sober when you're happy, even if you've had to work at it).

FeelingGreat

Not getting into the SR stuff, congratulations on 7 months. The key seems to be treating your anxiety, so if you can concentrate on getting that under control the future looks good.

There seem to be many reasons for excessive or problem drinking, and it all gets lumped under the banner of alcoholism. Personally I think there are people who have an almost chemical addiction, and some who become dependent while coping with mental or life issues. In the end you can call yourself whatever you want, but you've seen that drinking did you no good and you're sober now, so well done.

One thing most of us have in common is that we know from experience we can't moderate our drinking. The temptation to try is increased if people advocate this approach, and it's usually not helpful for A's struggling to abstain.

seemedrink

For the record, I really wasn't calling out the community here, they did offer me some solid advice. It was more so the staff that acted like they were on a complete power trip, the whole "listen to me or else" bs. But whatever, it's childish, I know. But I'm still in that angry "dry drunk" phase. I just don't believe the way to help someone is to ban them because they hold the wrong opinion.

The anxiety, at the time that I quit completely, was really bad. And honestly, I shouldn't have had to sign myself into a damn psych ward to get the treatment I needed. There is no "you're having severe anxiety attacks every 5 minutes and think you're having a heart attak" treatment out there. It's all "you're crazy, go see the psych people".

The resentment seems to be part of being sober and really understanding what I put myself through. Again, I don't place any blame on anyone but myself, and I honestly came out stronger in the end (thank God). But the process could have (and should have) been so much easier. I really didn't need to walk through hell if (some people) simply took the time to understand. But that's humanity, right?

zjw

At 6 months sober I asked a physician if the anxiety and such was normal even tho i had been sober for 6 months. he told me it could still be withdrawels. I told him no way thats not possible. He said yes it is totally possible and he suggested that since my life was stressful with wife and kids and having quit drinking perhaps I should get on some medication. He suggested a med. I told him I was not interested. Then he said to me there have been studies that suggest diet and exercise go a long way at helping this as well but that its not likly i'll sucede at sticking to a diet and exercise plan and to make life easy on myself and get on the meds. I again told him no. I started to diet and exercise and lost weight and started to feel better.

But here I am 3+ years sobriety and I still have my moments. I sometimes think I shoulda gone to the phsyche ward myself I have no idea how i held it together somedays I still dont know how I hold it together.

I've come to the acceptance that life is hard some days. It has hits ups and downs. the longer your sober the more evened out those ups and downs become but they are still there.

and your right I wish there was better treatment out there aside from "you must be crazy"

Anyhow Congrats on the 7 months just keep plugging along it'll ease up.

Berrybean

The anxiety for me really was a complete shock. I thought the hardest part would be stopping picking up the next drink. Nothing could have prepared me for the anxiety that built up until I was a complete wreck. I was just so glad to have the people at AA who could reassure me that this was part of the whole process and I wasn't going crazy. No-one other than other alcoholics seem to understand what the anxiety is like or where I'm coming from, so the fellowship has been a true life saver, along with some really helpful books (Living Sober was really helpful).

To be honest though, even with the support I had, it was still pretty hellish. Maybe it just is, and all we can do is support each other through it. After all, no-ones ever managed to make childbirth a comfortable affair either, and that's even more common than alcoholism! I suppose that as a younger person going through all this, when you are further into your recovery you will be able to think about what might be useful for others in your situation and try to help put those things in place for them, which would in turn be great for your own sobriety.

brynn

Congratulations on 7 months!

pulltight

Great job on 7 months!

PurpleKnight

7 Months is fantastic!!

seemedrink

Honestly, that's what's keeping me sober. I had no idea how bad it was actually going to be. I don't want to go on a binge and wake up feeling like that ever again. It's not even that I wanted to stop, I had to stop. My body just said no more. But it's good to know this is a normal part of the process.

Anyone else experience severe anxiety like this when they quit? I'd like to know your stories.