Kingtarquin

Let me preface my next few comments on I'm not trying to compare myself to others or make a contest of anything. However I was curious what and how much other people on SR used to drink before they realized it was too much. I like to reflect on the ludicrous fact that over the last 23 years I probably averaged 3 days a week of drinking past the blackout point. I have been working in the restaraunt biz since I was 18 years old and up until a couple years ago I drank everyday after work excluding a few off days here and there. And a majority of those days were blacking out. I just thought that was the norm. Reflecting on how much I used to drink helps me rationalize the effort I am putting in to trying to stay alive by not drinking. I sometimes wonder how close I was to the end. I have a lot of questions still and I am starting to realize why my recovery of my mind is taking some time? I literally abused my mind for 20+ years. I know I am rambling tonight I just have a lot of mindful energy I am trying to equalize at the moment. I hope my questions are not inappropriate just picking at my brain.

MelindaFlowers

During the worst of my drinking I would also blackout two to three times a week. Sometimes on weekends sometimes on work nights. Some were "brown outs" where you remember bits and pieces and others were complete blackout where I could have woken up in a different state and have no idea how I got there. Luckily I always woke up at home.

Sometimes I'd blackout and act fine. Other times I would verbally abuse people and become physically aggressive. I would often post inappropriate and offensive things on Facebook.

I drank a lot too and I ended up damaging my organs by age 30. I drank every day. I always wanted to be one of those people who could continue until their 50's and sober up but I went fast and hard, full-throttle daily. I wouldn't have made it to 35. I am almost nine months from my last drink.

I am glad you're here. You can stop too.

Vandermast

blackouts for me were terrifying

welcome

v

Pipping

Blackouts were terrifying and before I quit I was having one every time I drank. My thing was to smoke lots of cigarettes inside the house and I would fall asleep with cigarettes in my hand and how the house didn't burn down I don't know. Facebook and texting were a nightmare and I once woke to discover a massive email I had written to a work colleague full of all sorts of offensive rubbish- I quit my job not long after that and it wasn't the first time I did that sort of thing. I used to drink a bottle or two of wine a night with about 2 days off a week. The blackouts started when I began drinking during the day but the amount stayed the same

nomis

I would drink to a blackout, or brownout, virtually everytime I drank. If I didn't, there were usually mitigating circumstances, like I had a big dinner, or was at a social event, etc. But, for me, the whole point of drinking was to reach that point of oblivion, anything less, was frankly annoying and irratating.

Mountainmanbob

I was a heavy drinker that never blacked out until I was in my fifties. Blacking out proved for me to be a very dangerous thing. Many people including myself got hurt.

Please, stay away from the liquid devil.

MM

KAD

My drinking career spanned 27 years, but I didn't experience blackouts until around mid-December of this past year. I have been sober for 58 days now and am still finding out things I did and said during that period of about a month that I was out of control. It's especially disturbing to find out how I've hurt and/or frightened people, and to have no recollection of it at all.

JD4010

My blackouts became more numerous over the past few years. I'd drink myself stupid and then not remember long spans of time the next day. Worst thing I ever did was cut down this dying tree in our back yard with a chain saw while loaded. I don't really remember doing it. I seriously wonder how I am still alive?

I drank for decades, but the last 5 years were awful.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you king

TheNatural

I would lose days on my binges. I would purchase boxes of 6 gallons of Vodka and just drink non-stop until I was unable to. After the first couple of days, it was pretty much just maintenance.

MelindaFlowers

Exactly. Even at the height of my drinking if someone offered me a six-pack I'd look at it and think What in the hell am I supposed to do with this?

If I couldn't drink to the point of pretty serious intoxication I was angry like a child not getting enough ice cream. This is why I would bring a fifth of vodka to polite dinner parties and "go out to my car to get something." I was obsessed with having enough to get wasted. And after drinking so much and my tolerance reaching astronomical heights, that was a minimum of 12 to relax. Not 8, not 10, not 11. It had to be twelve. I think the number was part of my obsession. I always wanted to have enough.

I always say you know you're an alcoholic if you come home, see four or five beers in the fridge and don't think "Thank God there's beer left!" You think "Oh crap, only four beers." Within forty five seconds you're in the car to go get more. And when I say more, it's probably more than you know it will take to get you where you want to be. You think you'll limit it to what you normally drink but may end up drinking even more because you were so wise to stock up.

Kingtarquin

Nice to meet everyone here. Thanks for your comments. I am truly amazed how much poison I forced down my throat and for how long. Man alive, I'm glad to be here to understand why I stopped. And it's a damn good thing.

Soberwolf

Awesome king

sva777

All of these comments hit home with me.

alphaomega

Blackouts became part and parcel to any time I chose to pick up. Any. Time. At all.

I wouldn't drink with the intention of blacking out, it just happened. And most of the time towards the end, I hardly ever felt really intoxicated.

My poor brain.

Vandermast

sounds all too familiar to me...........

SDH73

I drank until blackout quite a bit. Started with whisky but moved to vodka because I figured I wouldn't reek of whisky the next day.

The one that sticks out in my mind now was a few years ago. I'd gotten off from work on friday and bought a BIG bottle of vodka. I was still pretty hungover at that point, mind you. Cracked that bottle open Friday evening and next thing I remember was waking up on my bedroom floor Sunday afternoon with the empty bottle laying next to me. Had a few voice messages from work wondering why I wasn't there for my Saturday night shift. I was supposed to be at work Sunday night too, in a couple of hours, but there was no way I was going to make it. So I just didn't go and never called back. Went looking for a new job that week.

To add to that, it turns out that my roommates had had a raging keg party complete with a live band and probably 100 or more people Saturday night. Don't know if I was at all conscious at any point Saturday, but I don't remember any of it. My roommates later asked me where I had been.

That was probably 10 years ago. I continued to drink similarly, and didn't make the decision to try and give it up until fairly recently. Why did it take me so long to get it through my head that I couldn't live my life like that? Oh, well. I'm here now.

JeffreyAK

Ha, I did the same thing, from tequila to vodka. Eventually I switched to beer, figuring I wouldn't get so dehydrated. But the alcohol sweats out your pores no matter what, and even if you don't notice, and take a shower and brush your teeth, after a big bender you'll reek of alcohol.