thomas11

Hi All,
So my wife's cousin came to our house over the weekend, we are good friends and he is quite a bit younger than me. I knew he wanted to spend the night and just hang out, which we did. We had some drinks and I would consider it moderate. No crazy antics, blacking out, running up to the bar etc... The next morning, I poured the remainder of the bottle out and threw it away.

I already probably know the answer to my question (its not really progress). But I was glad I poured it out.

BernieE

All I can say is keep trying and don't give up. It took me nine months of trying before I made it.

doggonecarl

I'm glad you dumped the bottle. But progress? No. And you know it.

In your last post you were adamant about getting serious about quitting and not drinking this weekend. Yet you drank. Was it as bad as it could of been? No. But spin it anyway you want, it's still drinking. If you are going to measure progress, measure sobriety.

Soberwolf

Keep trying Thomas abstinance is the best option by far

zjw

for what its worth i was unable to pour out my remaining booze till well after a year after i sobered up. I just couldnt part with it. i dont think i poured hte last of my wine till after 2 years sober if memory serves me and it was kind of a bitter sweet expierience.

maybe its easier for some then others to just pour it. I have a friend who numerous times threw away pipes and dope but still has yet to put it down for good.

So I dunno maybe its some progress. I guess if it where me it would be but pouring booze was something of a great struggle for me. If you found it easy to do i'd say well maybe it wasnt progress.

Idealy obstinence is best like others have stated.

thomas11

I want to stay grounded and I will continue to try and get through a Friday/Saturday.

I think maybe I will hold off on starting any new threads until I have some concrete progress to report. I will continue to offer what I can in terms of support to others.

doggonecarl

What about support for yourself? Reporting "concrete progress" is one way to use SR. Another way to leverage SR as part of your recovery is to post when you find yourself struggling, when you find yourself wavering in your commitment to sobriety. Posting before the drink...not after.

So I hope you reconsider.

I hope you aren't reacting to the replies to this post, where you were seeking affirmation about progress and didn't receive it. I certainly don't want my post to be taken for criticism. You drank. That's the cunning nature of alcoholism. If you keep trying, you will figure out what works.

zjw

for what its worth I've been feeling foul today. I went for a run about a half mile in i got this twitch in my eye and this release and sudden good feeling very simlier to the feeling i'd get when i would drink that first drink and the booze would hit my blood stream.

It was sort of scary really. this happens a lot to me when i run. the endorphins kick in and i get a very nice feeling and release.

My point is maybe if you got the urge to drink just go for a run enough to get the endorphins kicking maybe that will satisfy you.

zjw

Do you want approval from others here? Find the approval inside of yourself.

I like posting here even when I dont hear what I wanna hear. I need the positive criticism from somewhere. I mean sure I can find it elsewhere in life and do but sometimes I dont wanna hear it.

Dont not post and then get stuck in your head. I do that. I close up get stuck in my head and then I get more trouble even too.

stick around I like your posts. lifes about ups and downs you'll get it.

thomas11

Hi doggonecarl, I wasn't reacting to anything in particular in terms of replies, but also don't want to sound like a broken record. What I will likely try next is to glue myself to this site on Friday and Saturday. I am a very habitual or structured person, so breaking a routine is difficult for me. Has been that way my whole life. But I do feel if I can break the routine for say a month, I will be in a new routine and it will become more "normal" or comfortable.

thomas11

I went for a run today as well. The feeling of endorphins flowing through the body for that next hour or two is the best feeling in the world to me.

thomas11

Thanks ZJW, not looking for approval from others necessarily. I think the truth is more important, even if I don't like what I hear.

I don't want to get too much into the psychological/emotional side of things, but I have a hard time convincing myself that I'm important enough to demand sobriety for myself. The people in my life are extremely important to me, but me being important, not so much.

zjw

I can relate. I feel as if my life is disposable i'll destroy myself for the sake of them etc.. I think it has to do with how i was raised my mother was always this sacrificial lamb for the sake of us kids etc.. we where always reminded of this great sacrifice mom and dad where always making for the sake of us kids etc.. oh how horrible there life was all cause of us kids essentially.

as i got older I think this along with other things gave me this mindset of I'm not worth crap i'm not but a meal ticket to others around me etc.. as a result i destroyed myself to just keep this machine called me rolling along and producing as to appease everyone else. I did it in a very unhealthy fashion ate like **** drank smoked etc..

When I decided to sober up I had to get selfish. Getting sober was the most selfish thing I ever did and I did it ONLY for me. I did not get sober for any other reason then ME and MY happiness. As a result I'm now a much better person for all of them as well.

But i do still drift even now into that I'm no good i'm just meal ticket i'm worthless mentality now and then and I have to wrestle myself out of it. Today has been one of those days for me. But never the less I did not turn to a solution in a bottle etc.. I might have kicked and screamed and been angry but I didnt drink and I wont drink.

It is hard to feel like your important enough. I think i got so disatisfied with myself i was willing to try anything.

For me look at me now I run i'm fit i'm sober i dont smoke i'm slim etc.. i got a lot of things going for me but yet I do still find myself in that crummy place from time to time. I think its just part of the ups and downs of life for me anyhow it is.

thomas11

ZJW, very thoughtful response. I find myself in a similar situation.

The other thing that weighs on my mind is this: I come from a successful family (not financially necessarily), but my father was an executive, my brothers a pilot, the wives all have jobs and I own business. I have survived the ups and downs of the economy, but I want to do better. And the way I'm going now, I am not getting the most out of myself. I am not reaching my potential. Why? Because I wrestle with this thing they call "balance" in life, which means it is important to me to focus on work, but also to allow time for myself. Type A workaholics often live a miserable yet financially successful life. I don't want that, but I want more than I currently have. By the way, when I say balance in life, in reality its just a euphemism for allowing myself a few drinks on the weekend. But I don't need those drinks. I just want them. That is what I am attempting to change. And in making that change I feel like I would come closer to reaching my full potential.

Dee74

The place can be a great support if you have something like a mate staying over...we could have given you a lot of ideas and support

The key to success for me was change - I had to change my life because drinking pervaded every corner of my life.

If you're a routine guy, institute a new routine - check in here daily, read, and post to others even if you haven't got anything to say for yourself. A few words of encouragement go a long way

Make recovery a part of your life.

Make a plan for this weekend - what usually happens on a weekend - what leads you to drinking - how can you change things up? how can you ensure you stay sober?

D