sleepie

Someting happened to day and I want to drink so bad.

I hate my gray matter.

SoberLeigh

Whatever it is it is not worth drinking over; drinking will only hurt you.

I am here if you would like to talk about it.

Della1968

Trust me Sleepie something will happen everyday to make you want to drink. And drinking will never take it away. You have to take it off the table as even being an option.

sleepie

Yesterday was so amazing and then today bam, something unexpected that is going to drive me nuts. I cannot stop this stupid anxiety and it spirals into self hate and body shame. This can go on for days or more I have lived like this before I ever drank.

SoberLeigh

I can't remember, sleepie, and I apologize; have you talked to your doctor about your anxiety? Are you on meds - maybe they need tweeking????

Please don't venture into self-hate territory; we see a very lovely and worthwhile woman in sleepie.

least

I hope you don't drink. It will just make things worse, and add another problem.

zjw

yeah I had and do still have the same issues. I realized that if I allow it something can happen and it can ruin me for an indefinate period of time.

How I think about it is like this. Its as if my mind is pulling me around by the nose as if i was a bull with a ring in my nose. It'll drag me through the mud whereever it wants to take me so long as I allow it to do so.

the quote from someone elses signature comes to mind. "let go or be dragged".

if yo want to keep being dragged then keep hanging on and allowing your mind to do this to you. If you dont then throw your hands in the air and move on.

I had to learn how to tackle the problems i could and let of of the stuff that was bigger hten me. It takes practice but it gets easier.

In time i was able to get to a point where i dont get dragged to the pit for months or weeks at a time or even days. I mght have a bad day but then there is always tommorrow to try it again.

Impurrfect

Sleepie - Tough days happen. I don't mean to make light of your rough day, but it's true.

I just found out the niece that I helped raise is addicted to opiates. She is a step-niece, has addiction in every cell of her body, both sides of her family.

I hate it with every cell of my body. The best I can do is to come to her as an RA who's been through what she has.

I've always said "tough times don't last, tough people do" and I'm in a position where I need to put my words to practice.

Drinking won't make anything better, it will only make it worse. I hope you keep reading and posting. We do care and love you.

Hugs and prayers

Amy

sugarbear1

something is always going to happen

today we slowly learn to live without drinking over things! You can get through this sober and stronger!

sleepie

No, I don't have a dr. no insurance. I don't know what to do about anxiety anymore the only thing is addictive drugs. If it were depression, exercise and meds could help. Anxiety just seems to be a much bigger beast.

SoberLeigh

There are drugs for anxiety, too. Would your parents help you out financially so that you could see a doctor?

PurpleKnight

There is always going to be good and bad days in Sobriety, but we can't keep going back to alcohol when life throws us a few curve balls.

That's the challenge, learning to live life without alcohol.

What happens the next time something happens? Sobriety will never happen if we keep going back to drinking the moment something crops up in life, instead we need a few new tools in the toolbox!!

You can do this!!

soberclover

It took me YEARS to understand what my Dad who is a recovering alcoholic used to tell me...."Nothing so bad will happen to you that a drink will make better." I finally understand what he meant. I hope you find the support that you need and that you don't drink.

sleepie

I went No Contact with parents many years ago , due to many years of abuse.

sleepie

It's not just that I want to drink. I want to stop what's going on in my head. I cannot. I hate this. Drugs for anxiety are horribly addictive. I hate what my head does. A person can only take so much. I know how this will go. I will be a wreck all night. Unable to relax or focus or concentrate on anything. Won't be able to sleep. Will not be able to get my mind off things, like how my whole life has sucked. How boggled I am that I won the lottery for not just a horribly abusive family, being a reject in school and ridiculed,missing out on tons of things in life, being a failure as an adult and finally having a neurological disorder that results in a learning disorder (that I cannot get a proper diagnosis for because I don't have four thousand dollars or the gray matter capable of making that kind of money) and insurmountable degrees of anxiety.

Will got to work feeling awful. Boss will make my life hell. Repeat until Friday. By which time I will be a basket case and probably pulling my hair out again. Because I have that awesome disorder, too.

I'll lay in bed wracked with sadness and confusion. I have a learning disorder. How do I make my life better with a broken and vital piece of equipment? This will haunt me for days and nights.

PurpleKnight

. . . and drinking will make all of that better?

It may give a quick escape from it all, but it won't fix any of that, it's not a sustainable longterm solution to simply keep on drinking!!

We need to find new solutions to the reality we find ourselves in, rather than using our reality as an excuse to drink!!

chicory

If drinking helped you, sleepie, you would not be here.

Many many people in this world have that disorder you speak of.. and they get help.. sometimes online groups, or therapy. They learn how to manage around their particular set of challenges. what sort of job is right for them. and so on. there is NO shame in it, sleepy. You are a beautiful person, who gets down on herself for being human.

Breathing exercises can help you. take your mind off of the incident, even for a few minutes at a time, whatever you can manage. then do it again. this will pass. you are not bad because crummy things happen.. you are just human, but are harder on yourself than you ever deserve- probably from your FOO.... I understand.

breathe sweetie.... and you can always share, if you need to. we love ya, sleepie. and we are gonna be here with you, until you learn to love yourself, because you do deserve it, no matter what you were programmed to believe as a kid-those old tapes have to go...

love
chic

sleepie

Finding solutions is not exactly my strong point- learning disorder. I wouldn't be where I am today if I was good at finding solutions. It's just not that simple for me. And I don't have family or anyone to turn to for advice. I have tried my best. My best sucks because I am a ******.

sleepie

I am going to drive myself nuts thinking, if I had ONE good thing, my whole life would be different. If I was attractive, or really smart, or had better eyesight, or had great legs. Just one good thing could change my whole life. I might have a much better life todau if I had ONE really god thing. Most people do. They are smart, or good at something that makes money, or have good looks or a great family. Something.

I do not.

It haunts me. All day every day and when something really upsets me it just gets a grip on me and I feel that I don't even deserve to be here and my mother's blaming me for being an accidental pregnancy and ruining everything just rings and rings and rings in my head. Because why would so much awful stuff happen to one person unless they somehow deserved it. I wasn't supposed to be born. I wasn't wanted. I paid for it my whole life.

suki44883

Oh, sweetie! You are not a ******. Please don't say such negative things about yourself. You have us, and I am sure there is real life support out there. I know it's hard to reach out, but I hope you can do it. (((HUGS)))