Andash

Im fairly new to SR, but need advice about something Im about to face sober. As an RA who has experienced sobriety & relapses for the past 3 years, I hv faced many situations in life that I hv learned to cope with being sober. However Im about to face a situation that is something I really struggle with that probably seems juvenile to most. I debated on posting this, but maybe one of you out there has some advice that can help. So laugh if you want but I have major anxiety about going on first dates being sober. After a few relapses, I learned that I relied on alcohol to calm my nerves before meeting someone in person for the first time in a romantic setting. I have avoided social situations a lot bc of this anxiety. But I finally learned that for myself personally, that I become very unhappy if I don't hv a social life & do all sobriety (vice versus too). To hv success in sobriety I learned I need a balance of the two... Just still learning as I go.

Ok a little history: met a gentlemen through mutual friends & started chatting on FB, that progressively turned into texting & now we talk over the phone. This all began February 1st. After getting to know ea other better, I had the whole Im a RA talk. Went surprisingly well & he's more than ok with it, in fact supportive. He doesn't know much about alcoholism & actually had some very interesting questions. So Im ready to meet him in person on a date, though I hv put him off several times & he surprisingly is very patient. But Im really ready to atleast meet, so I hv committed to next Saturday. Its not a matter so much of what we do or where we go bc he will do whatever mks me feel most comfortable. Its more of an issue of me feeling comfortable in my own skin. Even if I wasnt getting drunk (which I laugh that those words 'not drunk' even came fr my mouth) but having a drink to tk the edge off has really helped in the past. Alcohol calms my nerves, helps me feel more confident, more social, even more sexy (that's before it turns into the vicious cycle) and now i can't rely on alcohol. I work in a very social setting & hv no problems, but the mere thought of intimacy & romance scares me to death. First dates are awkward enough on their own & I don't know what I can do to help me feel more at ease being myself. I know this sounds so silly to some, but I was wondering if anyone has felt like this & how to overcome it. My sobriety is so important to me & like I said I end up feeling like something is missing if I cut off my social life. So I want a balance of both & not end up filling up a wine glass to fill the void of something missing in my life.

So with all that said, I am not going to drink & if I thought I wasnt ready for this or strong enough in my sobriety, I wldnt even attempt this. But Im ready & need advice or personal experiences on how to calm my nerves being sober. Im not gonna sit on the sidelines anymore just bc Im sober, I hv learned to hv fun in life without alcohol, Im in my early thirties with no children & still want romance-im not dead, just sober. Any advice on how to not feel so awkward & nervous, wld be much appreciated. Like I said Im not compromising my sobriety for a man or nerves or to hv a little extra confidence bc that's not even a question, its more of a matter of learning how to enjoy this side of my life too being sober. I hv discovered a variety of situations in life that I use to rely on alcohol to do but i hv learned to do these sober & still go & do, SURELY I can learn how to do this too. Suggest away about anything-comfortable settings to some of your tips on how you dealt with similar situations, I don't care what you suggest...Im all ears. Thanks in advance. Sorry for the novel.

Gottalife

Trust God. If its meant to be it will be. Pray for the right thoughts or actions for the situation, know that if you are there for the right reasons God will keep you unharmed.

A big part of this is just growing up, dealing with that powerful teenage fear of rejection, and making sure motives are honest and not driven by expectations and instinct. Faith is the answer to fear.

Socialising is a learned skill. I used to find social "small talk" extremely boring, almost intolerable, as I was into deep and meaningful discussion about me me me. I learned through practice. It didn't aways work out as I wanted, I suffered one or two hilarious (in hind sight) put downs (God really does have a sense of humour), getting a dose of my own medicine, but it all worked out ok in the end. And it will for you too. If it's meant to be...