KAD

What does that mean exactly? When I was in rehab, my counselor kept telling me to stop living in the problem and live, instead, in the solution. It's sound advice, I think. The only problem is, I don't quite know what that's supposed to look or feel like. I am eaten up with guilt, shame, and remorse and it is often overwhelming. I was told to just surrender it all and trust in a Higher Power to guide me through. Given that that is subjective and not something I can see or hold in my hands, I'm not certain how I would even know if, or when, it's "working." Does that make sense?

The specific guilt, shame, and remorse I feel is around 80% about my kids. Everything reminds me of them. I walk through my house, past their bedrooms, and I feel that electric shock in my stomach again. I see the new beds I got them for Christmas, the other gifts they haven't even had an opportunity to enjoy, I see their pictures hanging on my walls... Hell, even when I go to Netflix, I see the movies and shows they used to watch with me. Everything hurts!

I can't escape it anymore. The solution isn't at the bottom of any bottle. I may be temporarily relieved and distracted, but the pain will come back worse than ever. Any advice anyone has on how to deal with this dilemma is more than welcome.

NYCDoglvr

What it means is taking an action to solve a problem instead of just talking how awful everything is. For example, you have feelings that are very painful. So you can complain or you can ...

go to a meeting
Work a Step
call someone
go fast walking
help someone else (talk to someone with less time than you)
etc., etc., etc.,

These things all work to shift our thinking. Imagine the brain as an inept computer: garbage in, garbage out, an endless reel of crap. I make a decision to stop the tape but I can't think my way out of it, I have to take an action. We get lots of tools for dealing with all the things that caused us to drink. Trust me, the longer we stay sober, work a program (and avoid isolating) the quieter the voices get. That's what the steps do if we work them.

PurpleKnight

For me it was drawing a line under everything that alcohol had caused in my life, no point dwelling in the past, we can't change any of that.

But also many will resent the fact they have a problem with alcohol, and try to control the problem, again that's not helpful, we have to start accepting the reality, not resenting other people or the way it is, we have a problem and need to deal with it, rather than ignoring it!!

Living in the solution is getting up each day and making decisions, doing the right activities, not getting involved in some activities or hanging out with some people, to make Sobriety happen, moving forward to the future!!

Boleo

I don't really do anything to manage my drinking. I do everything to manage my state of mind. And like NYCD said, it is taking action, not just giving it lip service.

Tamerua

The way that I was taught is to work on step 1. Name what you are powerless over for any given problem. Once that is done, then name what you do have power over for that same situation. There is more to it than that, but that is the gist of it.

Consequently, my team at work has been stressed and they were griping a lot and feeding into each other's whining. I have since made them stop and look for solutions. Either accept it or change it. We have gotten so much done and it has truly sparked creativity for long standing issues.

zjw

what NYCdogLvr said!!!

I'm not sure if there is any escaping this. I know it gets easier and things ease up but i myself still have my demons. But I do my best to not allow them to haunt me. Get wrapped up in something more positive to refocus yourself.

You can keep walking down the street and see the dirt and the filth etc.. Or you can see the sunshine clouds green grass etc.. I mean this quite literally too. Go for a walk make a point of focusing on whats beutiful there is plenty of it. Keep practicing throughout your day what is good what am i thankful for what is nice? ask yourself this. ALWAYS find an answer becuase there always is one. maybe the only thing you got is well the only thing good about today is I aint drank today! But thats a good thing to cling too.

The more you focus on the positive the more you will focus on the positive stuff.

In my case i'm a negative SOB. or I as I like to think I focus on reality. Its very hard for me to be an optmist. It does not come naturally. Its a new way of thinking / habit I had to try and form. I still get knocked down But I got a tool box now of tools / tricks i can do to pull myself out of that crappy thinking. When I first sobered up I didnt have that tool box. and if anyone told me the tools i coulda put into it I didnt believe them!. Not untill i forced myself to give it a whirl did I start to realize there are things I can do to try and feel better etc..

Gottalife

"They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."

Jung describing the effect of a spiritual experience in pre 12 step days. It summarises the result of working the 12 steps, living a diiferent way and allowing ourselves to be guided by a set of spiritual principles. Travelling the path to achieve this is what I would call living in the solution.

KAD

So, maybe I'm just overcomplicating things? Expecting it to be more difficult than it is? All I really need is to make the conscious effort to change my perceptions, then. That isn't exactly easy, either, but it's something I can focus on. Going to another meeting tonight, too, so hopefully that will help keep me focused.

serenityfreedom

you can call the A.A. hotline if you need help now.

Boleo

That's not "all". You also need to make a conscious effort to change your actions. Remember - Actions speak louder than words . Specially in recovery.

JeffreyAK

I heard similar things in outpatient treatment, and to me it means, look forward, not back. You can't change the past, and yes there is shame and guilt but you still can't change the past, all you can do is move forward and stay sober. It will get better, and time does heal.

Another thing to keep in mind, that I learned from experience, is, in early recovery (the PAWS period, can be 2 years), emotions are likely to feel more extreme because you're still getting used to having them instead of running from them. What might seem horrible and dramatic now, won't in a couple years.

fini

it's like the driving analogy that's sometimes used:

spending too much time looking in the rearview mirror doesn't help you drive forward.

serenityfreedom

If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow your pi%!ng all over today.