TheNatural

Hey all. I have been a lurker on these forums for almost a year and a half now, and have always found it a great resource for helping me in my sobriety.

I'm going to give a little naclstory here and I am hoping somone will be able to calm me down a little.

I started drinking casually my senior year of high school, at about the same rate as many others, I didn't seem like a problem at that point. When I graduated in 2007, most of my friends went off to college, and myself and a couple of others were left at home, doing the community college thing. From 2007-2009 I was drinking, but mostly smoking marijuana, although, when I did drink, it was starting to affect my life (i.e. too hungover to work, etc.).

I would say somewhere between 2009 and 2011 is when I was really starting to binge drink, always vodka, 750ml or more, with some sort of chaser before and after each shot.

In january of 2013 I got a DUI, it was awful. I am still dealing with the repercussions of that today. It did not stop my drinking, in fact, late 2012-early 2013 were by far my worst drinking times. Then, in april of 2013 I found out my mother had cancer and had a month to live. She dies almost exactly a month later, on May 13, 2013. I kept drinking. Eventually I sobered up long enough to realize I needed help. I detoxed at home (like a moron) and ended up spending 33 days at an in-patient facility which was tremendous and made me think quite a bit about life and sobriety. I then did 7 weeks of IOP and stayed sober for almost 6 months.

Then I fell off the wagon. I had a bad 3 weeks of old habits, about as bad as I could make it. Confessed, and got cleaned up again for another few months, and slipped again mildly.

All in all I would say since august of 2013 when I got out of rehab, I have had 5 pretty gnarly binges.

Which brings me to this post. About three weeks ago I started on another bender, same thing, drinking vodka with chasers and not eating much, and that lasted about a week I would say. Then I had a few days off, and then Sunday, in a moment of weakness I drank again. I felt like crap monday, but felt pretty decent, considering, On tuesday, weds, and yesterday (I felt GREAT yesterday).

Well, this morning, I woke up and found a little bit of dried blood around my belly button. I (of course) googled it and found a bunch of things saying it could just be a little infection due to me being gross for about a month at that point. But of course, I saw the one article that said someones husband had gone to the doctor and the belly button bleed was portal hypertension and blah blah blah.

So I went to the urgent care clinic, and talked to the Nurse Practitioner. She didn't say much, but did feel around my stomach and said she didnt immediately feel anything that felt like my liver was enlarged, and to be honest when she was pushing on the underside of my ribs on the right it didn't hurt, but she still recommended that I see a doctor and get some tests done.


Now, sitting here, I feel like I have a bit of bloating *maybe* a dull ache on my right side under my ribs.

*WARNING TMI INC*

I have always urinated often, and now pretty much the same, no more than normal and it is straw colored, no darkness

My bowel movement this morning seemed a wee bit soft, but still good, dark brown like a chocolate bar (not black, and no blood, not diarrhea-y or hard to pass)

I can't really tell if I am bloated or just stressed

I have some very mild sensitivity on the right side of my abdomen

no part of the abdomen is sensitive to touch really
and that's it, other than the anxiety symptoms


I feel crazy actually typing this whole thing out and reading it, and the advice I would give myself would definitely be "Give it more time, it's been less than 5 days, make an appointment next week and get it checked out"

But we all know anxiety doesn't let rationality in.

Love you guys. Just need some support right now.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Checking in with a Dr is the best way forward, get checked out and get some peace of mind, only tests can determine the diagnosis!!

You probably already know then that alcohol is not really working out for you, any plans to let your body heal and not put up with your drinking anymore?

TheNatural

Oh yes. I didn't drinking again because I wanted to. I just stopped going to meetings and let life get to me. Isolation was bad, and is fueling my health anxiety right now.

I know how great one can feel when they stop drinking for long periods of time. I think this time I may have reintroduced too much of the wrong kind of food too quickly. I started stuffing myself to capacity and was drinking root beer and stuff when I should have been eating veggies and drinking water. I went from pure booze and nothingness to full on fatty foods and sweets. I ate two HUGE cupcakes yesterday. I mean HUGE. (I got them for my 26th birthday, which was on weds)

Dee74

Hi and welcome The Natural

we can't give you medical advice but I recommend you see your Dr.
If nothing else it might set your mind at ease?

and stop Googling. The odds are good that it's not too serious
D

TheNatural

Thanks for the warm welcome. I hope to stick around and use these forums as another resource in my recovery. I truly believe that had I actually taken advantage of all of the resources that have been offered since I got sober, I would never have relapsed.

And I apologize for not being clear in my OP, I wasn't really looking for medical advice, persay, maybe just and anecdote or something that would make me feel better

My anxiety has lessened slightly with making the post and seeing your responses, so that's positive.

Kris47

Wishing you WELL!

Glad you've decided to stay awhile.

pulltight

Get to a doctor and be honest with them. If you're like me your imagination is far worse than what they'll tell you or test will show.
Hanging out here with us and not drinking will change your life too.

KAD

My best advice would be to get checked out. I've been putting it off myself but need to go ahead and do it. When I got out of detox, my ex-girlfriend picked me up at the airport and said my face and belly looked bloated. While I was in detox, I started getting strange bruises in various places on my body, but I had fallen about a week earlier, injured my ribs, and was put on painkillers that also thin the blood. A doctor I saw during detox took me off those. I was also on 2 difference kinds of benzos at heavy doses.

The body is quite resilient when we stop poisoning it, but there is certainly no harm done by seeing a doctor and setting your mind at ease.

TheNatural

I definitely plan on it, the only issue is, as of Sunday, I have no insurance until april, and unless there is an emergency I will just try to keep recovering, maybe spend some time staying with family, and try to actually give my body a shot at healing.

Just an example of how bad my anxiety is, I was convinced I had kidney failure for the couple of hours because of the slight bloated feeling and that I hadn't urinated for a while, and then I just went.

I guess the point of the thread is really to remind myself that I am only really 4 days sober at this point, and drank quite a bit the last time, and that feelings like I am experiencing and the discomfort I am experiencing is normal (but still important to visit an MD). I think it is just freaking me out because I "weened" myself slightly, which I never do, so while usually I would be going through debilitating withdrawls along with some abdominal soreness, I am feeling odd because of 1) New Anxiety and 2) Experiencing some symptoms on their own.

I just need to actually let my body heal itself, and not screw up the healing processes by drink after 6 or 7 months.


EDIT: By the way, I am not trying to downplay any of my symptoms or the importance of getting care, but I truly believe that a lot of what is going on in my head is either creating symptoms, or making the ones that are there worse. I have spoken with so many people who have been through the conditions I fear I may have and I am experiencing nothing that should be making me freak out like I am.

KAD

Worry and anxiety can definitely play a role in your overall health. I know it did/does with mine. I'd get checked out as soon as you are able but, in the meantime, stay away from the booze. If there is something wrong, continuing to drink poison will only make it worse.

TheNatural

I really want to get, and stay sober.

I did a lot of things wrong in my first attempt. I never got a sponsor, I stayed away from friends who could keep me accountable, I made the choice to live alone. I hid my depression. I started the cycle of lies. I isolated, physically and emotionally. Even during my intermittent relapses over that past year, I have hidden most of them from the only family I have. My father.

Once I feel like my few symptoms have subsided, and I physically feel better (basically after my own personal rehab), I want to do things right. That means this time, just take it one moment at a time, and always do the next right thing. And use the resources available (like SR)

KAD

I's not too late to get a sponsor and get help from others, if that's something you're willing to try. I avoided that option for my whole drinking career, until recently, and I have to admit it's helping in more ways than I ever realized it could.

I was also an isolator. Whether I was drinking, or quitting drinking, I did it all alone. I'm convinced that each and every time I was able to pull that off successfully, it only encouraged me to give drinking just one more try. My last bender went too far, and my cover was blown. I admitted the truth to God and everybody. It was in a blackout moment, so I don't remember it, but it resulted in my ending up in detox and rehab. Just got back a week ago.

So, if you find you don't have it in yourself to stay sober by doing what you've always done in the past, maybe consider reaching out for help. Just a suggestion.

TheNatural

I always had an excuse. I'm not particularly religious, and when I was in rehab, I actually found many of the speakers and sober people that came to see us were not particularly religious either, which sort of blew the lid off of my, "They will just try and make me find jeeeeessuuuss!!!" thing.

I thing a sponsor, ANY sponsor, will help me, just because of the accountability factor. When I first drank, months and months after getting sober in rehab and IOP (which I highly recommend), it was basically a moment in my life where things were just crappy, and I found myself living alone, with no real connections, money, and no one to whom I had any accountability. So, I drank.

I need a sponsor, and at least a few connections in the program (EDIT: Doesn't even have to be in the program, just in the sober community), or my next thread I will be typing from a hospital bed. I am certain that if I were not young, I may have already died.

KAD

It's good you have youth on your side. I do not. I'm nearly half a century old, but I got started when I was in my early 20's. I'm not so invincible anymore.

I was surprised, too, when I was in rehab and saw that 2 of the 3 counselors had the same ambiguities about religion that I did, but they still were able to grow spiritually, which is unique to each individual.

I got a sponsor right before the s**t hit the fan and I went to detox. I was a mess and he could tell. I'm sure he wondered what he'd gotten himself into! But he was, and is, patient and we are finally getting down to work instead of trying to just get me to stay sober. He actually drove me to and from rehab, 3 1/2 hours either way.

So, do you think you'll take the steps to get a sponsor, or will you risk waiting to see if you really do end up in the hospital? Those aren't your only choices, of course. I'm just going on what you said about needing a sponsor. It sounds like you think that's what would help you.

TheNatural

Well I don't think I am going to the ER tonight. Even though I am still convincing myself of the worst every ten minutes. I'm just having random fleeting pains in every area I think about. The only symptom I am sure of is anxiety and some general abdominal discomfort. When I feel a pain, I can touch it and I feel nothing. So I don't know.

I really want to get a sponsor. I plan on going to several meetings this weekend and on into the next week. I hope have the stones to actually approach someone and at least have a conversation. It all sounds so simple right now, but it is complicated when I get in the rooms.

I am not drinking any time soon, my dad will hate me but if I have to stay with him until I'm ready, I will.

KAD

It's good that you plan to check out some meetings this weekend. It sounds like that's something that will help. I didn't even ask for a sponsor. I just raised my hand when asked if anyone wanted to join. They asked my sober date and when I said I didn't have one, they just introduced me to a sponsor.

And try not to dwell on every little physical sensation you have. You can drive yourself crazy that way! I do the same thing. I know it's damn near impossible to stop it and alcoholics are known for stressing themselves out over anything and everything. I've started giving prayer a chance. Even though I have a difficult time believing anyone or anything is really listening, I do get some comfort out of the act of simply asking whatever might be out there for help.

otter

Nothing really to add (except maybe too much info on the bowel movement ) but doesn't vodka seem to be the #1 culprit for alcoholics? It was mine too.

markz

Hey man, no shame in that. I raise my hand as guilty to pooping my pants.

If you think you should hit up the ER, then go to the ER.
Otherwise you should definately without a doubt, go to the doctor ASAP!

TheNatural

I won't have health insurance until April :/

TheNatural

Felt like I might have been retaining water yesterday after not drinking enough water on thursday (coffee and root beer, im an idiot) and I feel like a river today. Been drinking water by the gallon since yesterday afternoon and I think it's really flushing me out. I was going to eat light carbs and soup today to ensure my pancreas and liver get a break, but I'm starving now and I just want a big greasy cheeseburger!