Esspee

The last few times I fell off the wagon was by buying a small amount just before the local shops shut. Drinking it late at night. Then by midday the next day the cravings were back and out of control

Aellyce

Oh my... I experimented with this before as an attempt of moderation, and it was the worst form of torture for me! For example, I would work late or stay out otherwise, then buy one bottle of wine on my way home before the stores would close. Well one bottle of wine was not even nearly enough for me to be satisfying at that point, but my mind would keep tricking me into trying this over and over again. So what typically happened: I would start drinking the bottle of wine around midnight, but it did not feel good even then because I already knew it would be finished soon and then... what? Well, what really happened was that getting to the bottom of that bottle only gave me a mild buzz, and a gigantic, monumental craving for me. But there wasn't more to drink, only a whole night of suffering with the craving. No way to sleep either. Sometimes I would go out at 2-3 am at night, looking for any source of alcohol and end up at a bar quite far from my place, then go back home hammered in the morning, and the whole day is ***ed (or I would just continue, going to the liquor store when it opened...). It really never worked for me, never once, just a pure hell of suffering with cravings and craziness from hell. Maybe you don't get those yet, but believe me this method would bring them out sooner or later. I think that for an addict something not enough is often worse and more difficult to handle than nothing.

MiffyDee

I like your post redladyslipper because it is so honest. I drank this am and was done before noon and have felt awful the rest of the day. I want to stop, but I am overwhelmed with work and drinking makes it semi-tolerable. I am also lonely. But I want to not drink for just one month to see if I will feel and look better and have better relationships. I think your post just acknowledges that many of us don't want to admit we are alcoholics, and so we find creative ways to convince ourselves that we are not...for awhile.

red3215

I really appreciate all who replied. Drinking helps me sleep and relax at the end of the day...I get off at 11pm. I know it's probably a bad idea but a voice in my head kept asking Why?? Are you sure? and wouldn't go away.
I haven't been coming to this board or even thinking much about my problem so I haven't decided for sure if I'll continue or not but I definitely have been acting too casual about my big problem. I need to get on here more

silentrun

Hi Redladyslipper, you just described my last 2 years of drinking. Except for I bought a pint so I did get intoxicated. I never did turn into a day drinker because that nightly pint 6x a week was enough to wreck me. The fact that running out is the only sure way to stop for the night is scary.

LionOfJudah

yes it is playing with fire and rationalizing... I do the same thing... it always leads to a bad place.

25andddd

Hey bro. I'm not on any day or anything. I am just making am effort to not be boozing aND drunk 24/7.

Here's my thoughts....

1. The trouble with this plan is that you might wake up wanting more and then start drinking in the morning.

2. If you have to go through all that trouble is it really something you need?

skg

You know where the solution is, and no pleading, rationalizing, or threatening is going to keep you from doing what you intend to do. There's a program for that...

When you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you arrive at the cross roads of insanity, incarceration or death, AA will be there. If you want to drink, that's your business. If you want to stop, AA can help.

TheNatural

This is a story you hear around the rooms all too often, in fact, I hear a story like this at least once a week, especially at newcomers meetings. The problem is you are just delaying the inevitable, it only takes one time where you just say "screw it" to tumble down the rabbit hole and end up in a really bad place. What do you do on weekends? Or days off? Do you do the same thing, wait until 11pm and just hang out the next day, feeling crappy and waiting? I doubt that will last long.

Be smart. Listen to the people here, and more importantly, listen to the voice in your head that led you to post here. You know it's not normal, or you wouldn't have come here. The most dangerous thing for all of us is the rationalizing.

anattaboy

No judgement here. I drank like that for awhile except it was mornings. Loved that morning beer buzz...Then it was a few at lunch and a few at 2ish. By the time I got home from work I was done. I built houses for a living, worked for myself and this was just the greatest controlled drinking I ever did. After 2 months of this I started going out at night and having some vodka tonics whilst shooting pool. No problems yet. A month later I got 2 DUI's within a week and remember being pissed cuz I really wasn't drunk yet. One was while messing with a cel phone and I crossed the center line briefly and the other was getting pulled over for a broken taillight. Now I figured I should get all my drinking done at work so I was drinking all day, running 2 crews and paying a guy to drive me around (so I could manage things). I fell off a house putting felt on in the rain and landed on my head requiring stitches. The hospital did not release me (head injury)and I was livid. The doc prescribed 1- 12oz icehouse for pain as I wore out the call button for my hyper-extended knee pain(looking back I know he knew I was in acute WD and sent the beer) and I went to sleep. A year later I lost my family, house, business slowed way down and I moved. I kept moving for 10 more years due to misdemeanor drinking charges everywhere I went that I would not show up for. Did I mention this was preceded by 8 yrs. of sobriety? I did quit in 2010 but this started in '97. Get the picture? Still no judging here (keep it up and you will meet a few of those) but you don't have to do what I did--or maybe you do........

DuhDave

"Alcoholism is a cunning bit of business. But it is predictable"-Lenina

This:

DD

trumpet7

I'm new here but I'll say that I loved drinking. I didn't think it was even affecting me until I had weezing in the middle of the night and took two months to get over it. It wasn't until I stopped that the deluge of symptoms hit me. This revealed to me that I couldn't have known how sick I was unless I was forced to stop (which is what the bout of bronchitis did to me).

I'm still having many problems but I'm BETTER and hopefully heading in the right direction.

I loved drinking but I love a happy life more and those two roads crossed for me.

DuhDave

RedLady Slipper: You can rationalize your reason for drinking all you want to but...

...mark my words...the day is coming you will still be awake at 7am...10am...waiting for the shops to open.

Thats when reality of alcoholism sets in...when your drunk on your a$$ at 11am...and you have to be to work at 3pm !

The people that are replying to your thread are the sober, "Heavy Hitters" of SoberRecovery on this site !

Listen too them ! They know of what they speak. They have been there.

DD