KAD

I just found out tonight that at some point during my last crazed, blackout-riddled bender I cussed out a friend on the phone. I don't even recall the conversation, much less saying some of the things she told me I said to her. All I knew was that I suddenly didn't hear from her anymore.

I know a lot of alcoholics consider blackouts like that to just be part of the territory, but one of my biggest fears is losing my mind. That's far closer than I ever wanted to get to experiencing that!

Feeling so ashamed right now...

ru12

Apologize. And if you stop drinking that will NEVER happen again!

KAD

I did...profusely. Nothing feels crazier than apologizing for things you don't even remember! I never want to revisit that madness again. I'd experienced things before that made me question my sanity, but never anything I couldn't remember. Nothing spells out-of-control more than having no memory of what you did or said!

Dee74

Whats done is done unfortunately GMO. We can make sure it never happens again tho

D

MelindaFlowers

I can relate. I cussed out people on the phone and Facebook with no memory of it the next day. And I didn't just stop at cussing, I would attack their character with sharp, cutting remarks.

Blackouts scared me. I never did, but I always worried that I would get my keys and drive off in a blackout. Why wouldn't I? All my judgement was gone.

Terrifying stuff.

KAD

Well, I'm afraid I did do some driving during that time period. One of those times was with my kids. Active alcoholism is insanity, no question about it.