hollybear

After a month of sobriety I told myself I could drink again. "Just one night!" I told myself, for a friends birthday. I had been so strong and so comfortable in sobriety that it seemed like a fine idea.
Well, After that one night, I had the most hellish hangover I have ever had. Barfing all night, nightmare migraines, being a crappy mom who couldn't get out of bed to play with her son.
Did I learn? No, I didn't drink the hangover day because I was so miserable, but the next day alcoholic voice told me "you could drink just a little tonight- you lived through the last time and didn't get to really enjoy yourself! Try again tonight."
And so began a week of nightly drinking. A miserable week that had nothing to do with the enjoyment I use to associate alcohol with. Alcohol is no longer ever "fun" for me like it use to be. I am learning that my body will never ever be able to handle alcohol safely anymore.
I am back on board again with sobriety. Two days down and a determination to keep it this way.
Just wanted to share my experience as a reminder that the alcoholism beast can sneak back up on you when you least expect it! Telling yourself "just this one time" sure didn't work for me. And I'd reckon that this is the case for most alcoholics...
Time to reevaluate my sobriety and how I can actively stay the path!

Treerat66

It's a sneaky sucker.

MariahGayle

Glad to see you re-commit Holly. I think it's really important for us to realize without a doubt that we are NEVER going to be a normal drinker & that the solution is to NOT pick up that first drink.....ever. ((Hugs to you))

thomas11

Hi Hollybear, I think many of us can relate. We can be very hardheaded, and eventually we realize we probably aren't going win. I know relapsing is often thought about as being bad (and it is) but if it is used as a learning experience, then there is a sliver of positivety to it.

Jupiters

I don't recall the last time drinking was "fun" for me. I know it was many many moons ago. I threw away 6.5months last year (from May til end of Nov.) for a few drinks in Cuba. Very quickly I realized how crappy I was feeling - the anxiety, depression, impending doom feeling. I had one helluva hangover one day and that was enough for me to hop right back on the path to sobriety. I enjoyed my vacay MUCH better sober for the duration of it and haven't touched a drop since.

welcome back

alphaomega

Hollybear - thank you for being willing to share this story. It is an important reminder for your fellow sufferers. It never gets better in terms of drinking. Never.

May you be blessed as you find your footing again.

Gottalife

Hi Holly, you could have been quoting the big book. This exact event is described several times. It happened to me on many occasions. Somewhere I think the big book says that we can make a common mistake that almost all alcoholics make, forming the belief that after a period without alcohol, it will be ok to drink again. For some reason, all the very good reasons we had for stopping don't stop us.

Never mind, you survived and can hopefully learn something from the experience.

Dee74

Welcome back Hollybear

what are you going to do different this time?

D