PurpleKnight

Yeap, thankful I don't ever have to go through those first few weeks ever again!!

Soberwolf

This is one of my biggest tools I still have a pic of my burned out bedroom which almost claimed my life

juppe

When I quit little did I know that I was going through withdrawals. I didn't know that my body was withdrawing from alcohol. All I knew is that I felt physically terrible and downright pissed off at everyone and everything. I started driving very aggressively, couldn't eat or sleep. About a week into it something clicked and I realized I was experiencing alcohol withdrawls then found the SR site. From that point on I found I could control my fits of rage and started to sleep better. Those first couple of weeks were hell and I'd have to be insane to go through all of that again

Mountainmanbob

I've sobered up a (few) times in my life.
I used to snap back to reality and calmest of mind and body fairly fast.
This last time in which I sobered up for the first several months
was a terrible experience.

I truly wondered if I would ever fully recover.

Thank you for reminding me of this on this Sunday morning.

MM

bullmas

"I truly wondered if I would ever fully recover. "

Mountainmanbob

I know how you feel, this is my third alcohol quit in 40 years of drinking,
( now back on day14)

The "itch" will always be there to want a drink when we are sober, however it depends on each individual persons motivation to quit in the first place ,
Some folks are so determined to rid themselves of their addiction, the itch is almost non existent .
It's all about one's principles of reasoning.

Regards

MIRecovery

I have been blessed. More than 6 years down the road and the nightmare I called life is still very fresh and I pray that it always will be.

I plan on working a program of recovery for the rest of my lest I ever think that the first drink is ever a solution to any but misery and death

2muchpain

Went to a football game today. Bought a coke and a hotdog. People all around me drinking beer. Really struggled for a while, especially when I finished the coke and was real thirsty. The vendor was going up and down the isle with beer. Then I noticed a lot of people were drinking coke or water, not just me. Still really wanted a beer. It looked real good. Thought about how it would mess up all my plans for the week cause one or two beers means a lost week for sure. But still thought about stopping by the liquor store for "just a six-pack". Made it home and drank three glasses of water. Fine now, but boy did that beer look good. John

Mountainmanbob

Not sure why but, in close to 8 years sober
a beer has not once looked good to me.
I think that I realize today John that
for me there will never be again
a simple social day of drinking.

The water no longer goes under that bridge.
The stream has been redirected.

MM

Dropsie

You are amazing Bob, and Queen Bob must be the bomb.

Thanks for this thread and for all you do on SR.

Mountainmanbob

It's been a while since I've had a drink
but
I still remember those early mornings such as today 5:11 AM
about now I would be chugging down two tall cans of Budweiser.
I got to where I was not a pretty site in the morning.

Thank you God for this sober morning,
Bob

gaffo

I remember shopping for beer every morning. Self employment meant drinking was a 9-5 deal for me. I spent $10k+ every year on beer and dope for a long time. I probably could have my house paid off! Oh well, at least I escaped with my life...

I just couldn't imagine quitting, even when I had a hangover every day. The only thing I appreciated about not having one was that the drinking would start out better. I still give thanks every morning for being clear headed. I take a deep breath and swear that I'll never take another drink!

Kate15

Thank you everyone for your posts here. You've made a difference to my day.

Soberwolf

Seconded love this thread Bob

Mountainmanbob

I hear you soberwolf
Once I burned the ends of all my fingers (very badly).
Had to go to work (job using my hands) with severely burnt bandaged fingers.
I felt like such a fool.
Even so, I didn't stop drinking at the time.
Drunks are truly a sad lot.

Who is a fool?
A fool is one who fools themself.

MB

SoberinSyracuse

I believe in keeping that memory alive. The relentless physical and mental anguish that persisted for decades. I feel like a POW returned home after countless years of captivity.

What thanks and praise can I give God for such mercy? I just want to live well for Him.

Hevyn

Very well put. For me, it's tricky to keep the memory alive without sabotaging myself with destructive memories. I've been able to find a balance though.

Bunny211

Amazing thread. For the first 3 months I really didn't care if I lived or died. It was just so damn hard. Every instinct I had was screaming for me to throw in the towel and pick up a drink. My family had enough of me. I had lost almost everything. I was so desperate to do anything....anything to get through another day. 24 hours was an eternity. There were nights when I would pull the shades at 3pm and curl up in the fetal position on my bed...praying for sleep. I honestly wondered out loud if I could perhaps be placed in a medically induced coma for a few months...to get through all the shame, pain, horror and anxiety that plagued me. Surely there must be a Dr. somewhere who could do that for me? One night the anxiety was so bad that I kicked a hole in the wall in a fit of rage and despair. I kept asking people....what did you do? How did you get through this? And the answer was the same...you just get through it. You just keep walking the path to sobriety. Just keep going. And the ONLY thing I could do in those days was show up. I sat in meetings, a curled up ball of a human, with my head down staring at my shoes. I just kept showing up.

And slowly...things changed. Others noticed the change in me before I saw it myself. There's a light in these eyes....these eyes which used to be vacant and glazed. There's laughter that comes from these lips. I smile and say hello to people. There's joy. There are tears too, for sure. But oh it's so much better. It's so much better than I ever thought it could be.

If you are new please know that it gets better. It is not easy but its the most worthwhile thing I have ever done. Its the hardest thing...and the greatest thing you can ever do for yourself. You're worth it.

FBL

Thanks for the thread, Bob. I never want to forget how it felt for me the morning of June 22, 2009. My heart was racing, my mind was whirling and I thought I was going to die. As I laid in the ER with an IV stuck in me, the light went on. That was my Day 1. As I've said several times over the years, it was the worst day of my life, but it was also the best. Guess only other alcoholics can truly appreciate such thoughts.

Mountainmanbob

I truly understand, for many times I ended up in a hospital due to my abusing myself. Once a doctor told me that, "if I didn't stop doing what I was doing I was going to kill myself." Scared the heck out of me. Then when I got home I continued to do the same things.

I'm so glad FormerBeerLover that you saw the Light.

MB

least

I treasure the fact that my last relapse was really my LAST. That I never have to go thru that again. It's been over six years and I still remember how bad I felt.