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first adult counseling session today

Old 02-26-2015, 06:20 AM
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first adult counseling session today

Today I'm meeting with a counselor through a low/no income clinic. I'm a little nervous, not so much. I'm kind of at a place where I feel like what is the point of being nervous, my life has been s*** for a while, mostly at my own doing. I'd like to make the most of it, and this is where I run into a problem. It takes me time to get comfortable completely opening up. It's easier online where I remain relatively anonymous. Trusting a complete stranger with total honesty is going to be a challenge. Talking about my relationships, my drinking, drug use, suicidal thoughts etc. Fortunately the longer I have been abstinent from substance abuse the less I think about suicide and self harm. However I have been isolated recently in my personal like. I deactivated my facebook account recently.

Any suggestions how I should approach this first session? Full disclosure scares me, yet I'm getting the feeling that that's what I will need to do to get the best out of this. Any thoughts, suggestions? Thanks
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Old 02-26-2015, 06:29 AM
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I've found whenever you're dealing with someone thats trying to help you, its best to do your best to let them do that. So, if you need to tell them things that might make you feel awkward; Do it anyway!
They can't tell anyone unless you explicitly make threats against yourself or others.
I know it can be really hard to talk about, but in the long run its worth it if you're upfront with people.

You also can't think of those kinds of people as "Normal" people per say. They deal with people ALL day that have ALL the same problems. They are trained and educated to deal with all kinds of these issues people have. They wouldn't be doing it if they didn't want to actively help people.

Besides, the way I look at it is; They see 100 people a week and some of them are probably INSANE. So drug addiction and depression is probably something they don't mind helping you with.

Anywho, good luck with it!
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Old 02-26-2015, 07:33 AM
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Id' say just approach it with an open mind. It's just the first session anyway so there won't be nearly enough time to delve into all the subjects you bring up even in just this one message. They will probably start with some very basic questions and allow you to answer as you feel comfortable with. As you build trust and familiarity you can open up more as time goes on. And remember, the only motive the counselor has is to help you get better.
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Old 02-26-2015, 10:30 AM
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I've actually had to learn to develop my disclosure,,,

I've always had a belief that we fully open ourselves to others who are in certain roles - partner, therapist, etc. I have learned that if I am not more careful, the things I share can end up in the hands of folks who do not protect me in the way I anticipate. Whether this is a boyfriend who uses previously-shared intimate information in an argument with me or a therapist who doesn't know me deeply and grabs some segment of what I have shared and both misunderstands it and misplaces it in importance.

I am working on discernment, on sharing smaller bits of myself, observing how that information is received and handled, and then slowly opening in a dance with that reception. This is important for my recovery, because self-protection is something I have always been clumsy with - I don't self-protect early in a situation, and then blunder into a desperate move to self-protect "too-late."

In particular, I would use discernment as you slowly open up about the self-harm/suicidal piece. You are going to a low-income clinic, and it is likely that many of the practitioners there are advanced (graduate level) students working through their internship hours. In school they have been trained to immediately throw themselves toward the red-flag of self harm/suicide statements. They will feel the need to report it to their supervisor, to write it up in your notes, and perhaps to take further action to "protect you."

Unfortunately, even with medical privacy laws, there are some concerns that over-ride privacy. I have also seen medical notes taken on me after the fact, and much of what I thought I was "sharing privately" is summarized there for others to see, years after that intended private conversation with a therapist or doctor.

So, while I agree that you will receive the most accurate aid if you are able to be open about your deepest self, I think you should share that self at a pace in which you are gauging your safety and making actual decisions about how open you want to be in this situation. You might - for example - decide that you will share openly about your alcohol and drug use in the first session and then see how your therapist responds, see how you feel afterward (no regret at oversharing? a sense that you were truly heard? no sense that you were misinterpreted?). Then decide what you are willing to open up about at the next session.

Therapy/counselling is a relationship. You don't have to accomplish everything on the first date! Open, learn, evaluate, open a little more, and so on. It actually is like dating, that tidal opening and retreating, as you grow in intimacy.

I think that we addicts and alcoholics are most comfortable (and expect) immediate intimacy, and it is often too much for others to process and deal with. Slowing that down is a good thing (for many of us - there are also many who never shared their true self at all or revealed themselves or expressed emotional vulnerability, and those folks have a different pile o' issues to address).
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Old 02-26-2015, 02:01 PM
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Hope all went well Sero

D
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Old 02-26-2015, 02:08 PM
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It went well. I opened up fully and it was nice to have face time with someone who would not only listen but ask questions. I clearly have abandonment issues. He encouraged me to identify my triggers and to occupy myself when they come, and all that. To be patient as it has taken me 35 years to become the person I am today. It was my first session. I have 3 more lined up every Thursday. Thanks
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Old 02-26-2015, 06:37 PM
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Originally Posted by StevenBills View Post
I've found whenever you're dealing with someone thats trying to help you, its best to do your best to let them do that. So, if you need to tell them things that might make you feel awkward; Do it anyway!
They can't tell anyone unless you explicitly make threats against yourself or others.
I know it can be really hard to talk about, but in the long run its worth it if you're upfront with people.

You also can't think of those kinds of people as "Normal" people per say. They deal with people ALL day that have ALL the same problems. They are trained and educated to deal with all kinds of these issues people have. They wouldn't be doing it if they didn't want to actively help people.

Besides, the way I look at it is; They see 100 people a week and some of them are probably INSANE. So drug addiction and depression is probably something they don't mind helping you with.

Anywho, good luck with it!
Great advice! That's the way I always try and look at it. No matter how messed up you think your problems are, there are probably 8 other clients that are WAY more screwed up than you. Chances are is that your case might be child's play for the therapist. They want to help. Swear, tell them the grossest thoughts you have, don't hold back. It will help them get to know you!

Remember, they paid money to learn how to help people. Help them do their job!
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