Is It Just Me
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: texas
Posts: 117
Hi Denise,
I agree with a lot of what has been said so far. I've been drinking irresponsibly for a good many years and of course have skeletons in the closet. I've dealt with the toughest ones and am at peace with myself...always with the beautiful Serenity prayer as my guide.
But...even though there is nothing majorly wrong with my life as far as what my definition of that is....stress is stress. Even everyday stresses can bring on an urge to drink. Stress management is a something I have to monitor regularly or eventually it builds up and a small upsetting event can turn me toward a drink in an effort to hide my true feelings...and then after the first drink goes down...my subconscious takes over and I have no control over the 5 drinks after that. Yes..I realize I should have control over the following drinks...but my experience tells me I don't. So I just have to learn not to pick up the first drink. I don't know if that helps...but I really just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your struggles and that we love you and want to hear from you too. :heart:
I agree with a lot of what has been said so far. I've been drinking irresponsibly for a good many years and of course have skeletons in the closet. I've dealt with the toughest ones and am at peace with myself...always with the beautiful Serenity prayer as my guide.
But...even though there is nothing majorly wrong with my life as far as what my definition of that is....stress is stress. Even everyday stresses can bring on an urge to drink. Stress management is a something I have to monitor regularly or eventually it builds up and a small upsetting event can turn me toward a drink in an effort to hide my true feelings...and then after the first drink goes down...my subconscious takes over and I have no control over the 5 drinks after that. Yes..I realize I should have control over the following drinks...but my experience tells me I don't. So I just have to learn not to pick up the first drink. I don't know if that helps...but I really just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in your struggles and that we love you and want to hear from you too. :heart:
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Today im able to recognize problems as a "Human" condition.and my happiness is not measured by the absence of problems.My beliefs systems were not working in my life.,before.I felt that you didnt suffer as much as i am.You dont have the problems that i have.For if you did you would be drinking to.Thats how i saw myself for many,years.Or if your problems were worse, and more,and you were coping,then i felt ,i had a defective mind.What else can i do but to think the way i do..My problems seemed ,heavier, because my problems were the ones that were hurting me.Change my thoughts and my whole world changes.Change my actions,and my world changes again.Feelings are reactions that i choose to have.I can be sad when sad things happen.But i use to wollow in it.I feel only what i think..Sadness took control,over my life.Was an extreamest...smile...And i use to do self-defeating actions,to myself.Like getting loaded.What choice did i have?Well there are lots of choices.Only i can improve my lot.Only i can make the decision that ive had,,enough of going around in circles,,and start,doing something different.Actions..I dont have to stay stuck,,like i had myself believe before.Im not the no good i had myself believe that i was.You often hear in AA bring the bod,,and the mind will follow.And this has been true for me.Those times i felt,,ahe,,no im not going to a meeting tonite.Was when i went,anyways...To learn how to live life on lifes terms..One Day at a time.Sober. happy,,and free..from all that "stuff" i use to have in my mind...What is a belief system?its something that ive spent my mind,on,,many hours,,many years,to convince myself of something.If its not working,i can change this,and spend, many hours,,years,doing something that actually is working in my life..then my belief system changes...You are worth it,Denise.Your worth happines,and a good life.Go for it.Regardless of what your mind is telling you now..Take positive action...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Sinking deep in my chair typing this. I wasn't going to come in here, but I figured I'd face the music not be a coward about it. I appologise for bringing my crap in here when I've drank. I know you all have your problems, and I hope I can be there for you all to when you scream out for help. I thank you all for your wise words. I think a kick in the butt is in order for me here also. I'm not feeling so hot, my brain well, hmmmm I wonder why that is?
Hi usatoday and Capt, pleased to meet you, thanks for your messages too.
Dan you're right, I do know what bothers me, I just need to find the strength to change things, when you've let someone control you for years that's a tough one to over come....and as long as I live, I'll never understand why a human being needs to do that to another, and even worse why the other one would allow it, only to have their life miserable to many years to think of. Yep that's my prob right there, I've ignored it, let it go on, try and make life easier, gosh aren't I the bright one
About my spirit...he broke it somewhat years ago, but whoever or whatever my spirit is about, I feel it is a strong one, it keeps bouncing back, right now it's a bit on the low side, but I hope to let it heal again.
Thanks again everyone....Don I always love what you have to say, and thanks.
I found this and wanted to share it.
How Do We Begin Again
How do we begin again,
When life has taught so much?
About staying sane by numbing pain;
About walking with a crutch.
How do we replace the fear
That things won't be the same?
The quest to find the perfect high,
Turned out to be a game.
But it seems somewhere along the line
We began to realize,
As time went on the thrill was gone;
A demon in disguise.
Countless times we fooled ourselves,
Though that was not the goal.
Just normality, just sanity,
Some semblence of control.
Although we knew the consequence
We would risk and fail again.
Eventually we lost too much
Why must we loose to win?
How do we begin again
To turn our lives around?
Like falling from the sky in dreams
We must not hit the ground.
Hi usatoday and Capt, pleased to meet you, thanks for your messages too.
Dan you're right, I do know what bothers me, I just need to find the strength to change things, when you've let someone control you for years that's a tough one to over come....and as long as I live, I'll never understand why a human being needs to do that to another, and even worse why the other one would allow it, only to have their life miserable to many years to think of. Yep that's my prob right there, I've ignored it, let it go on, try and make life easier, gosh aren't I the bright one
About my spirit...he broke it somewhat years ago, but whoever or whatever my spirit is about, I feel it is a strong one, it keeps bouncing back, right now it's a bit on the low side, but I hope to let it heal again.
Thanks again everyone....Don I always love what you have to say, and thanks.
I found this and wanted to share it.
How Do We Begin Again
How do we begin again,
When life has taught so much?
About staying sane by numbing pain;
About walking with a crutch.
How do we replace the fear
That things won't be the same?
The quest to find the perfect high,
Turned out to be a game.
But it seems somewhere along the line
We began to realize,
As time went on the thrill was gone;
A demon in disguise.
Countless times we fooled ourselves,
Though that was not the goal.
Just normality, just sanity,
Some semblence of control.
Although we knew the consequence
We would risk and fail again.
Eventually we lost too much
Why must we loose to win?
How do we begin again
To turn our lives around?
Like falling from the sky in dreams
We must not hit the ground.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Hi Denise, I think its good to let your problems out here. We need to let them out. I think that is part of this boards purpose - for people to share their struggles and find help. Yes we all have problems. But just think - when you share them, someone else out there reading will probably relate. When they relate - they may feel a little better, and remeber that they are not alone. They will realize that many of us in recovery have struggles. Its is not easy. Glad to hear you sounding better!
Platinum Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Central California
Posts: 859
((((Denise)))) 
Thanks for sharing your message, it is so inspirational. Hang in there little sister your going to be ok. That miracle IS going to happen for you soon. I'm saying my prayers for you. Love you, Bonni
Thanks for sharing your message, it is so inspirational. Hang in there little sister your going to be ok. That miracle IS going to happen for you soon. I'm saying my prayers for you. Love you, Bonni
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
I drank again, don't know why, felt so awful today so it has helped, until tomorrow. You all know what that's about the next morning, and I have no clue why I can type and it ok.
Thanks for all your messages, this drunk mind what it's thinking right now....well my son just coughed he's in the living room, got home from his job a couple hours ago, and probably not to impressed his Mom has drank again. You know this boy of mine, I tell you he was my first blessing, I went though hell delivering him, and so did he trying to be born, the Dr said if it had been a few years back both of us would have died, he was stuck didn't want to be born, and I wonder why. Anyway when I see his sweet face now, I worry cause he drinks, and I know to much, and I've talked to him about this, and I'm done talking cause I know I'm not going to make sense right now.
I love you guys, guess what you're my family, something I lack in
Thanks for all your messages, this drunk mind what it's thinking right now....well my son just coughed he's in the living room, got home from his job a couple hours ago, and probably not to impressed his Mom has drank again. You know this boy of mine, I tell you he was my first blessing, I went though hell delivering him, and so did he trying to be born, the Dr said if it had been a few years back both of us would have died, he was stuck didn't want to be born, and I wonder why. Anyway when I see his sweet face now, I worry cause he drinks, and I know to much, and I've talked to him about this, and I'm done talking cause I know I'm not going to make sense right now.
I love you guys, guess what you're my family, something I lack in
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 141
Hey Denise, I read your posts yesterday and they just kept popping back into my head all day long. They sounded so familiar because I've heard the same things from spmeone very close to me, my girlfriend.
She spent most of her adult life with a sort of emotional terrorist. A very jealous guy (much older than her) who thought the only way to keep her was by keeping her small and dependant on him. A guy who'd punch holes in the doors when he didn't get his way. He didn't hit her, but she said a few bruises would have been much easier to take.
Also for most of her adult life she was hooked on weed. From early in the morning til late at night. All her money went towards it. She didn't even have a coffee pot when I met her. No real furniture. Nothing. Just her habit.
She'd gotton rid of the guy (for the most part) before I met her, but it was Hell for her. She'd basicaly locked herself inside the little room she had for a whole summer. She said she'd rather run into traffic or jump off a building than meet him on the street.
He didn't drink by the way. I almost even met this terrifying guy once. He walked into a Shop where we were sitting and she was smoking a joint. She said that's him, and I turned in time to see the door close again.
The point is that after we met each other she stabilized her weed habit down to a managable level and I started working on the beer. About 6 months ago we were sitting on our couch watching TV and she said it was her last weed.
Like, HUH????? She said she just didn't feel a need for it anymore, and that was it!
I thought she'll be back on it in a week, but nope. She even has a joint every once in a while, and it stays at that. The "drive" to stay stoned evaporated.
One of the lingering effects of her very toxic relationship is that she LOVES shows like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Sometimes I worry a bit about how MUCH she enjoys seeing a small girl beating up all those big bad guys.
She's a peaceful gentle soul who works to save the whales and the rain forrests. Reading your posts I get the impression you are a lot like her. You DESERVE a life!
If your hubby brings beer home and drinks in front of you when he knows you are trying to quit (from a much earlier post of yours), maybe it's time to take a good hard look at your relationship??????
Just posting what I feel Denise, and I really believe you deserve better!
Take care.
Wiebe
She spent most of her adult life with a sort of emotional terrorist. A very jealous guy (much older than her) who thought the only way to keep her was by keeping her small and dependant on him. A guy who'd punch holes in the doors when he didn't get his way. He didn't hit her, but she said a few bruises would have been much easier to take.
Also for most of her adult life she was hooked on weed. From early in the morning til late at night. All her money went towards it. She didn't even have a coffee pot when I met her. No real furniture. Nothing. Just her habit.
She'd gotton rid of the guy (for the most part) before I met her, but it was Hell for her. She'd basicaly locked herself inside the little room she had for a whole summer. She said she'd rather run into traffic or jump off a building than meet him on the street.
He didn't drink by the way. I almost even met this terrifying guy once. He walked into a Shop where we were sitting and she was smoking a joint. She said that's him, and I turned in time to see the door close again.
The point is that after we met each other she stabilized her weed habit down to a managable level and I started working on the beer. About 6 months ago we were sitting on our couch watching TV and she said it was her last weed.
Like, HUH????? She said she just didn't feel a need for it anymore, and that was it!
I thought she'll be back on it in a week, but nope. She even has a joint every once in a while, and it stays at that. The "drive" to stay stoned evaporated.
One of the lingering effects of her very toxic relationship is that she LOVES shows like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". Sometimes I worry a bit about how MUCH she enjoys seeing a small girl beating up all those big bad guys.
She's a peaceful gentle soul who works to save the whales and the rain forrests. Reading your posts I get the impression you are a lot like her. You DESERVE a life!
If your hubby brings beer home and drinks in front of you when he knows you are trying to quit (from a much earlier post of yours), maybe it's time to take a good hard look at your relationship??????
Just posting what I feel Denise, and I really believe you deserve better!
Take care.
Wiebe
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Ugh...
Thank you all for your support.
I did something today for ME, I woke up at 2am layed there feeling so awful, and thought good you want to keep up this non sense, well enjoy this ugly feeling, couldn't get back to sleep, so did some heavy thinking.
I realise we've all been given healthy bodies, with a spirit to guide it, and we go against this spirit that is so full of life, hurting it continually. Well I thought ok this body I've been given, will be 50 years old in hmmmm 16 months, I'm not 50 but my body is, lol. Anyway I did a lot of soul searching, thought about my two kids, that I wanted so bad, I'm not a materialist person never have been, and money has never been one of my priorities either, it's my kids, and I know I need to get well for them, and NOW. I keep seeing my son in this room on the floor, his head hanging low on his knees, just like a little boy who's been hurt real bad, crying and screaming out for help, and I'm happy he came to me and talked about things, I told him he needs to STOP, showed him my S.M.A.R.T information, he looked at it, but guess he's not ready to stop just yet. Well I've got that imagine imbedded in my head, and I need to guide him through this, don't want him in this living hell, which is going to happen with the amount he drinks now.
Anyway I did something for myself today, I called my Doctor, my gp, haven't seen him in 3 years, so it's a start, and Trish I will ask him about seeing a counsellor or do whatever he suggests, other then medication, I'm not even thinking about going that route.
Hi Weibe good to hear from you, I hope life is being kind to you, and I'm so happy to see your girl has some peace in her life, sad how another person can break another's spirit, isn't it?
Yep my hubs was the jealous type, probably not so much now, I don't know, but I HATED it, I never did a thing to bring that on. He's never hit me, but verbal things can hurt a person right to the core of their being, and you wonder why a person you think loves you would say awful things to you. He is the source of my problem, I've let things go on and on and on, to make life so called easier, it was better then the fighting arguing all the time. So he won in a way, but not NOW, this old girl has had enough, and I think a part of him is afraid like Anna has pointed out to me. And you know I feel a bit sorry for him, he's not a bad guy, just wasn't meant to be with me. And I warned him years ago he will end up a lonely man, it's starting to happen now sad to say, I really don't want to hurt him, funny huh, he has with me, and I don't even think he realises it. Anyway enough of that, and yes I deserve better, something that's taken me a lot of years to say, YES I deserve better, hey that feels pretty good you know, and thanks so much for your message Weibe, keep up the good battle my friend.
Marty thank you for your message, and pleased to meet you.
usatoday, thank you, yep this is my family here, and keeping you all close to me.
One day I will come in here yipping her up, guess what guess what, I did it, I'm sober, and I hope you'll all be yelling out the same thing along with me.
Take care of yourselves, yeah there's a better way of living then this.
Getting my SMART information out again, and my BB, and thinking about going to AA again, not today though, want to go with a bit clearer mind. Tomorrow I think and see if my old boyfriend is still around and finally get to know what his name is, lol.
LOVE YOU GUYS.......HUGS HUGS HUGS.....Denise
Thank you all for your support.
I did something today for ME, I woke up at 2am layed there feeling so awful, and thought good you want to keep up this non sense, well enjoy this ugly feeling, couldn't get back to sleep, so did some heavy thinking.
I realise we've all been given healthy bodies, with a spirit to guide it, and we go against this spirit that is so full of life, hurting it continually. Well I thought ok this body I've been given, will be 50 years old in hmmmm 16 months, I'm not 50 but my body is, lol. Anyway I did a lot of soul searching, thought about my two kids, that I wanted so bad, I'm not a materialist person never have been, and money has never been one of my priorities either, it's my kids, and I know I need to get well for them, and NOW. I keep seeing my son in this room on the floor, his head hanging low on his knees, just like a little boy who's been hurt real bad, crying and screaming out for help, and I'm happy he came to me and talked about things, I told him he needs to STOP, showed him my S.M.A.R.T information, he looked at it, but guess he's not ready to stop just yet. Well I've got that imagine imbedded in my head, and I need to guide him through this, don't want him in this living hell, which is going to happen with the amount he drinks now.
Anyway I did something for myself today, I called my Doctor, my gp, haven't seen him in 3 years, so it's a start, and Trish I will ask him about seeing a counsellor or do whatever he suggests, other then medication, I'm not even thinking about going that route.
Hi Weibe good to hear from you, I hope life is being kind to you, and I'm so happy to see your girl has some peace in her life, sad how another person can break another's spirit, isn't it?
Yep my hubs was the jealous type, probably not so much now, I don't know, but I HATED it, I never did a thing to bring that on. He's never hit me, but verbal things can hurt a person right to the core of their being, and you wonder why a person you think loves you would say awful things to you. He is the source of my problem, I've let things go on and on and on, to make life so called easier, it was better then the fighting arguing all the time. So he won in a way, but not NOW, this old girl has had enough, and I think a part of him is afraid like Anna has pointed out to me. And you know I feel a bit sorry for him, he's not a bad guy, just wasn't meant to be with me. And I warned him years ago he will end up a lonely man, it's starting to happen now sad to say, I really don't want to hurt him, funny huh, he has with me, and I don't even think he realises it. Anyway enough of that, and yes I deserve better, something that's taken me a lot of years to say, YES I deserve better, hey that feels pretty good you know, and thanks so much for your message Weibe, keep up the good battle my friend.
Marty thank you for your message, and pleased to meet you.
usatoday, thank you, yep this is my family here, and keeping you all close to me.
One day I will come in here yipping her up, guess what guess what, I did it, I'm sober, and I hope you'll all be yelling out the same thing along with me.
Take care of yourselves, yeah there's a better way of living then this.
Getting my SMART information out again, and my BB, and thinking about going to AA again, not today though, want to go with a bit clearer mind. Tomorrow I think and see if my old boyfriend is still around and finally get to know what his name is, lol.
LOVE YOU GUYS.......HUGS HUGS HUGS.....Denise
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Wow Denise, it sounds like you have a plan. You are right about the body and spirit issue. When our body/spirit/mind are connected is when we feel that all is right with the world. It is when we are following our spirit's path in this life, that we feel whole. It is when we are seeking to satisfy only our bodies, that we can get off track.
Have a great day Denise!
Love, Anna
Have a great day Denise!
Love, Anna
Platinum Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Central California
Posts: 859
((((Denise))))
Good for you! Like Anna says, sounds like you have a good plan! Getting out your Smart info and your Big Book, and getting back to those AA meetings! Those are the things that have always helped me stay sober. They have been a life saver for me.
Keep with the plan; like Wiebe says; "you deserve better." Remember we are all here rooten for you, so dont give up! Like you say in your "Dont Quit thread", "lets all get back on the bus, and we'll duct tape you in this time!"
Love you little sister, Bonni
Good for you! Like Anna says, sounds like you have a good plan! Getting out your Smart info and your Big Book, and getting back to those AA meetings! Those are the things that have always helped me stay sober. They have been a life saver for me.
Keep with the plan; like Wiebe says; "you deserve better." Remember we are all here rooten for you, so dont give up! Like you say in your "Dont Quit thread", "lets all get back on the bus, and we'll duct tape you in this time!"
Love you little sister, Bonni
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: texas
Posts: 117
Oh Denise,You are too sweet to be fretting about all of this. You are a wonderful mother who cares deeply about her children. You care about your husband,
and are compassionate with him, but he's verbally abusing you...that's a tough pill to swallow. Why is it that the people we love the most...hurt us the most?
****{Denise}}} We have a beautiful party banner with your name written on it. We'll keep it close by for the day when you're ready to celebrate. You are precious. :ilu
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MI
Posts: 38
To Denise,
Originally Posted by justme2
Ugh...
Thank you all for your support.
I did something today for ME, I woke up at 2am layed there feeling so awful, and thought good you want to keep up this non sense, well enjoy this ugly feeling, couldn't get back to sleep, so did some heavy thinking.
I realise we've all been given healthy bodies, with a spirit to guide it, and we go against this spirit that is so full of life, hurting it continually. Well I thought ok this body I've been given, will be 50 years old in hmmmm 16 months, I'm not 50 but my body is, lol. Anyway I did a lot of soul searching, thought about my two kids, that I wanted so bad, I'm not a materialist person never have been, and money has never been one of my priorities either, it's my kids, and I know I need to get well for them, and NOW. I keep seeing my son in this room on the floor, his head hanging low on his knees, just like a little boy who's been hurt real bad, crying and screaming out for help, and I'm happy he came to me and talked about things, I told him he needs to STOP, showed him my S.M.A.R.T information, he looked at it, but guess he's not ready to stop just yet. Well I've got that imagine imbedded in my head, and I need to guide him through this, don't want him in this living hell, which is going to happen with the amount he drinks now.
Anyway I did something for myself today, I called my Doctor, my gp, haven't seen him in 3 years, so it's a start, and Trish I will ask him about seeing a counsellor or do whatever he suggests, other then medication, I'm not even thinking about going that route.
Hi Weibe good to hear from you, I hope life is being kind to you, and I'm so happy to see your girl has some peace in her life, sad how another person can break another's spirit, isn't it?
Yep my hubs was the jealous type, probably not so much now, I don't know, but I HATED it, I never did a thing to bring that on. He's never hit me, but verbal things can hurt a person right to the core of their being, and you wonder why a person you think loves you would say awful things to you. He is the source of my problem, I've let things go on and on and on, to make life so called easier, it was better then the fighting arguing all the time. So he won in a way, but not NOW, this old girl has had enough, and I think a part of him is afraid like Anna has pointed out to me. And you know I feel a bit sorry for him, he's not a bad guy, just wasn't meant to be with me. And I warned him years ago he will end up a lonely man, it's starting to happen now sad to say, I really don't want to hurt him, funny huh, he has with me, and I don't even think he realises it. Anyway enough of that, and yes I deserve better, something that's taken me a lot of years to say, YES I deserve better, hey that feels pretty good you know, and thanks so much for your message Weibe, keep up the good battle my friend.
Marty thank you for your message, and pleased to meet you.
usatoday, thank you, yep this is my family here, and keeping you all close to me.
One day I will come in here yipping her up, guess what guess what, I did it, I'm sober, and I hope you'll all be yelling out the same thing along with me.
Take care of yourselves, yeah there's a better way of living then this.
Getting my SMART information out again, and my BB, and thinking about going to AA again, not today though, want to go with a bit clearer mind. Tomorrow I think and see if my old boyfriend is still around and finally get to know what his name is, lol.
LOVE YOU GUYS.......HUGS HUGS HUGS.....Denise
Thank you all for your support.
I did something today for ME, I woke up at 2am layed there feeling so awful, and thought good you want to keep up this non sense, well enjoy this ugly feeling, couldn't get back to sleep, so did some heavy thinking.
I realise we've all been given healthy bodies, with a spirit to guide it, and we go against this spirit that is so full of life, hurting it continually. Well I thought ok this body I've been given, will be 50 years old in hmmmm 16 months, I'm not 50 but my body is, lol. Anyway I did a lot of soul searching, thought about my two kids, that I wanted so bad, I'm not a materialist person never have been, and money has never been one of my priorities either, it's my kids, and I know I need to get well for them, and NOW. I keep seeing my son in this room on the floor, his head hanging low on his knees, just like a little boy who's been hurt real bad, crying and screaming out for help, and I'm happy he came to me and talked about things, I told him he needs to STOP, showed him my S.M.A.R.T information, he looked at it, but guess he's not ready to stop just yet. Well I've got that imagine imbedded in my head, and I need to guide him through this, don't want him in this living hell, which is going to happen with the amount he drinks now.
Anyway I did something for myself today, I called my Doctor, my gp, haven't seen him in 3 years, so it's a start, and Trish I will ask him about seeing a counsellor or do whatever he suggests, other then medication, I'm not even thinking about going that route.
Hi Weibe good to hear from you, I hope life is being kind to you, and I'm so happy to see your girl has some peace in her life, sad how another person can break another's spirit, isn't it?
Yep my hubs was the jealous type, probably not so much now, I don't know, but I HATED it, I never did a thing to bring that on. He's never hit me, but verbal things can hurt a person right to the core of their being, and you wonder why a person you think loves you would say awful things to you. He is the source of my problem, I've let things go on and on and on, to make life so called easier, it was better then the fighting arguing all the time. So he won in a way, but not NOW, this old girl has had enough, and I think a part of him is afraid like Anna has pointed out to me. And you know I feel a bit sorry for him, he's not a bad guy, just wasn't meant to be with me. And I warned him years ago he will end up a lonely man, it's starting to happen now sad to say, I really don't want to hurt him, funny huh, he has with me, and I don't even think he realises it. Anyway enough of that, and yes I deserve better, something that's taken me a lot of years to say, YES I deserve better, hey that feels pretty good you know, and thanks so much for your message Weibe, keep up the good battle my friend.
Marty thank you for your message, and pleased to meet you.
usatoday, thank you, yep this is my family here, and keeping you all close to me.
One day I will come in here yipping her up, guess what guess what, I did it, I'm sober, and I hope you'll all be yelling out the same thing along with me.
Take care of yourselves, yeah there's a better way of living then this.
Getting my SMART information out again, and my BB, and thinking about going to AA again, not today though, want to go with a bit clearer mind. Tomorrow I think and see if my old boyfriend is still around and finally get to know what his name is, lol.
LOVE YOU GUYS.......HUGS HUGS HUGS.....Denise
Yes, you deserve a lot better. Your husband is emotionally abusive to you but that it HIS problem. You did not bring it onto yourself. He needs to work out that part of his personality, if he wants the marriage to work. It is very easy to condemn, especially if one has a weak ego. That is not to say that alcoholics are easy to deal with, they are not. My friends -- who are my family -- have, on occasion, gotten really mad at me, and cautioned me that if I continued behaving the way I did, they could no longer deal with me. I have put them through a lot of anxiety, believe me. And I am so ever grateful that they are still around.
I wish you the best. :35:
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