justme

When is enough, enough!!! I don't have alcohol in my house, I don't crave it!!! But I can't control myself once I start drinking!!! I'm constantly negotiating with myself in order to make it ok!!! It sounds so simple!!! Terrible things happen when I drink, so stop drinking!!!!right?!!! But the more I try the more I fail!!! Yesterday I went to my friends that drink heavily but I knew I should just go home and study!!! I knew if I went I would drink!!! Told myself I'll just have one glass a wine. I kept saying I needed to leave but I kept taking drinks it happens every time I get wasted!!!!! Blackout, I'm tired of living my life like this.... Just needed to vent!!! Sound like a broken record!!!

Dee74

Hi justme

I used to be like that too - I kept putting myself in situations where other people drank, and I had no plan or support or ideas about how I could consistently live sober...the end result was I always drank again.

I had to make some pretty big changes to my life and stay away from drinkers for a while.

I also had to find sober support and use it consistently.

Are you up for that kind of total commitment?
D

Ghostlight1

I hear you. I drank like you for twenty years. I was so bad if there was any chance there wouldn't be enough alcohol, I would drink before I went. And once I started, there was no telling when it would stop. Days.
I am a real alcoholic, I can not safely drink. And never will be able to no matter my best intensions.
It took me a long time to realize this consciously, but somewhere deep down I knew I had a big problem.

You're not alone. But believe me, if you are anything like me, things will only get worse if you continue to drink.
I hope you can find a way to stop. AA works for many. There are other methods, too.
But no matter how low we go there is always hope.

Thanks for your post. It reminded me of the old me and that will help keep me sober today. Best to you.

doggonecarl

You have been a member of SR a long time. But only post when you are disgusted with your drinking. After the fact. Why not leverage the support that SR can provide by posting every day. Before you drink. When you struggle. When you need to be reminded why you shouldn't drink. To bolster your decision to quit.

That's doing something about your drinking. That's trying. Trying to succeed, not fail.

Soberwolf

Hi Justme i really agree with D

IOAA2

Hi.
What we have is called alcoholism. With it we are addicted to alcohol and the first drink leads to the compulsive wanting more and more.
Your post indicates how alcohol reacts when we are addicted to it because it is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious, most of us cannot battle it alone for long term sobriety therefore we need help from forums like this or the fellowship of AA, like it or not.

BE WELL

markz

Alcohol has nothing at all to do with your problem.

Its your thinking.

You said it in your orginal post.

What needs to change is your thought process, nothing needs to change in regards to alcohol. Its apart of North American, European and most other parts of the worlds culture and society. Why should we hide from it, its always going to be there. Easier to blame the bottle then yourself.

Shamal

Many, including myself, have came to recognize that 'just one' is doomed to fail as a thought process. It sounds like you are discovering this for yourself.

As the cliche goes 'One is too many, and a hundred is never enough'. For the alcoholic, that's pretty spot on.

Treerat66

In 2005 when you joined SR, someone I love was controlling my supply of alcohol without realising they were doing it. Subconsciously I was starting to dislike that control. When I got the chance I started to drink as I had before I met them. I realised I had to stop drinking period. Moderation is hell.

thomas11

I can relate. I guess we need to take that leap and just quit. I don't crave alcohol either, so why do I do it? That's the million dollar question. My heart breaks for those who post here who can think of nothing but alcohol. I've been there as well. I never want to return that place.

LexieCat

Having one drink is like using only one ! (sorry, I couldn't resist)

You said that you have no problem not drinking, but that for some strange reason you can't stop at one. It seems that the question isn't why you can't stop at one, but why you have the first drink when you know, based on past experience, you are incapable of stopping with one.

Alcoholism has two components: the craving for MORE that sets in when you have any alcohol (why you can't stop at one), and the OBSESSION to drink even when you don't intend to. You're claiming you don't have any problem not drinking--but obviously you do, because you KNOW what will happen when you have the first but you do it anyway.

I once heard in a meeting that when you're standing on the train tracks and a train is coming straight at you, blowing its whistle, it isn't warning you about the caboose. It's the first drink that gets us drunk. Rather than trying to figure out how to control your drinking to that mythical "one drink," wouldn't it be better to get to the bottom of what makes you pick up that first one?

uncle holmes

Cunning, baffling, powerful. The only way out is complete abstinence and changing your life while sober.