Work performance meeting Tuesday
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Originally Posted by Gottalife 
Speaking as an alcoholic, such an employer with such an approach may well have helped me get sober much sooner than I actually did. The ultimatum "we'll give you one more chance but you must get help for your problem" is a very enlightened approach.
It didn't happen for me. I had employers who would tolerate my behaviour, supervisors who would cover for me, swallow my endless excuses etc, all of which helped me get worse and worse, until I eventually became unemployable.
The last few employers who sacked me for my intolerable behaviour actually played a part in saving my life.
It didn't happen for me. I had employers who would tolerate my behaviour, supervisors who would cover for me, swallow my endless excuses etc, all of which helped me get worse and worse, until I eventually became unemployable.
The last few employers who sacked me for my intolerable behaviour actually played a part in saving my life.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Definitely get your union involved. Call them Monday morning, and if they can't be there on Tuesday they can probably have the meeting rescheduled for a time that they can be there. This is the exact scenario that the unions are there for, take advantage of having them on your side.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by alaina742
I began to slack off because of my depression and then it got out of control when my dad got sick and died. I still did my inspections, I just let some database stuff slide.
So now I'm meeting with them on Tuesday. No first warning, I'm fairly certain I'm going to be asked to sign that paper. I don't know if I'm willing to do that. IMO since this is the first time this has happened in TEN years I think I should get a bye considering the circumstances.
So now I'm meeting with them on Tuesday. No first warning, I'm fairly certain I'm going to be asked to sign that paper. I don't know if I'm willing to do that. IMO since this is the first time this has happened in TEN years I think I should get a bye considering the circumstances.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by alaina742
You also told me "people die" about my father's death. Is anything a big deal to you?
Having to sign a paper saying I will be terminated if it happens again is a big deal.
Having to sign a paper saying I will be terminated if it happens again is a big deal.
I had a meeting like that. They asked me if my heart in it. I told them no. I hated that place with a passion though. It is supposedly sales but it was impossible to make $$ there.
My advice. You likely know what negative things they will bring up about you. Pre plan your answers and not sure what the job is, my advice on this is don't bring up alcohol or even depression. I talked with a couple alcoholics about that and they recomend that. I think it is horrible advise unless you are working at McDonalds. A job in the real world doesn't give a damn about that. You can bring up how your dad was sick and died and how grief is having some effect on you. That is understandable. But they are likely documenting what you say and plus that just starts rumors. The average middle manager doesn't care what your problems are.
Alcolism has messed up many jobs for me. I am in sales and had a ton of freedom in the past. I never bring that up to anyone in the interviews. Remember, people with hardcore issues are in the minority in the real world. Or if they have it, they know it is best to hide them.
Just think about everything they will bring up and have responses ready in a clear, concise, and confident manner. I went to 2 AA meetings in my life when I was unemployed. A guy there thought I should bring up alcohol in an interview. Like I said, sure if you are working for minimum wage but these are suit and tie interviews.
Also, it doesn't matter if you sign a paper or not. You will either sign it as a "warning" or you won't and they will just document as "refused to sign"
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Originally Posted by Kllme
...my advice on this is don't bring up alcohol or even depression. A job in the real world doesn't give a damn about that. You can bring up how your dad was sick and died and how grief is having some effect on you. That is understandable. But...the average middle manager doesn't care what your problems are.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
I would guess that at the end of the day your employer will tell you what they are unhappy about and then consider your explanation before deciding what to do. The labor laws here a quite specific on the process, though they seem to be harder for employees in the states.
If the problem in the employers eyes is poor performance then, if they accept your explanation they may put in place what we call "perfomance management" where they keep an eye on you and support you to improve your performance back to acceptable levels.
In my own experience, I had a certain track record of behaviour and a history of creative excuses. Though I thought I had cunningly concealed the truth from my employers (the good ones), it was a delusion. They were very well aware of the real problem. I made my excuses but I was the only person who believed them, and some of them were really good. I found out later this is called denial.
Like others have said, I don't think I would be jumping in first with tales of depression or alcoholism. The main thing I would be doing is listening to what their concerns are. I might even ask for some time to think about what they have raised, to see if I can come back with a useful response including how I will get my performance back up. In their statement may well be a hint of what they think the real problem is, though they may not raise it directly. I would then consider if there is any truth in what they are saying and consider also how I might respond in a constructive way.
One thing I do know from past experience, is whatever happens it will turn out for the best.
If the problem in the employers eyes is poor performance then, if they accept your explanation they may put in place what we call "perfomance management" where they keep an eye on you and support you to improve your performance back to acceptable levels.
In my own experience, I had a certain track record of behaviour and a history of creative excuses. Though I thought I had cunningly concealed the truth from my employers (the good ones), it was a delusion. They were very well aware of the real problem. I made my excuses but I was the only person who believed them, and some of them were really good. I found out later this is called denial.
Like others have said, I don't think I would be jumping in first with tales of depression or alcoholism. The main thing I would be doing is listening to what their concerns are. I might even ask for some time to think about what they have raised, to see if I can come back with a useful response including how I will get my performance back up. In their statement may well be a hint of what they think the real problem is, though they may not raise it directly. I would then consider if there is any truth in what they are saying and consider also how I might respond in a constructive way.
One thing I do know from past experience, is whatever happens it will turn out for the best.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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another thought too is allow them to speak let them show there cards first figure out what your up against then decide. Dont rush in there rambling about anything let them do all the talking soak it all in and determine what the deal is before responding. Just keep that in mind. I could see myself going into a meeting like this rambling about alcohlism only to find i'm being promoted or something ::facepalm::
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
Alaina, didn't you say something recently that you'd be ok without that job? Leaving would be a good thing for you?
Or something to that effect( or affect?)?
Or something to that effect( or affect?)?
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I would NEVER roll in there and mention any addiction of any kind. Not with them. Maybe in the past, with other employers. But not THEM.
The only reason I mentioned depression is because it is the root of all of this. But they are not sympathetic people so my gut instinct is to just keep my mouth shut.
I am bringing up about my dad though.
My goal is to say as little as possible. I don't like them and I generally don't have much to say to them anyway. They are the type of people where extra information is more like ammunition.
But if I ever find myself in a position where I'm about to be fired, I am bringing up depression at that point.
This thread has given me a lot of clarity. Thanks everyone!
The only reason I mentioned depression is because it is the root of all of this. But they are not sympathetic people so my gut instinct is to just keep my mouth shut.
I am bringing up about my dad though.
My goal is to say as little as possible. I don't like them and I generally don't have much to say to them anyway. They are the type of people where extra information is more like ammunition.
But if I ever find myself in a position where I'm about to be fired, I am bringing up depression at that point.
This thread has given me a lot of clarity. Thanks everyone!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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You are lucky to have a union to represent your best interests. Use it. Talk to the union on Monday and ask them what you should do. If they cannot be there for you on Tuesday try to postpone the meeting until you have representation. If you do go ahead with the meeting without representation take a notepad. And write down everything that is said and by whom. And sign nothing. Take a copy of any letter the give you and tell the you cannot sign it until you get advice from your lawyer and union rep.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
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My Dad was a very serious alcoholic and died at 51. I was in my early 20's at the time. He was in a union at work and he missed so much work. We are talking months and never got fired because of the union. He would spend a month in rehab, then time at home. Miss time for all sorts of thing pertaining to alcoholism. I thought that was normal at the time. Its crazy because both of my parents have had only had 1 job my entire life and I am bouncing around like crazy.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Canada
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I have a sayings that I love.
It's futile to be miserable.
If something bothers you write down in one sentence what it is and what the resolution is. Define it.
Ask yourself what the next step would be to resolve it.Action it.
Repeat until you resolution is complete.
Anything else is an excuse(example, waiting for the weather to get nice).
It's futile to be miserable.
If something bothers you write down in one sentence what it is and what the resolution is. Define it.
Ask yourself what the next step would be to resolve it.Action it.
Repeat until you resolution is complete.
Anything else is an excuse(example, waiting for the weather to get nice).
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by Kllme
My Dad was a very serious alcoholic and died at 51. I was in my early 20's at the time. He was in a union at work and he missed so much work. We are talking months and never got fired because of the union. He would spend a month in rehab, then time at home. Miss time for all sorts of thing pertaining to alcoholism. I thought that was normal at the time. Its crazy because both of my parents have had only had 1 job my entire life and I am bouncing around like crazy.
The reality is times have changed things are different now then they used to be. Employees are much more disposable etc.. A lot of employers operate as if its some kinda meat market all employees are are pieces of meat with strong backs.
I think i might be ok at a job that stunk and had crummy pay and benefits if i had a boss who gave a damn! Thats just me anyhow its nice to feel safe and secure in your job but its just rare you get that.
I had to find my security elsewhere.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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Today is the big day. In 1:09, to be exact.
I feel okay. Last night at the restaurant I got two positive comment cards. Plus, the owner/manager went around to my tables to ask about me and apparently the people said positive things! At least I am doing a good job there. It's just so slowwwww because of the weather. I think I will do pretty decent once business picks up. Like, when it's ont -2 or actively blizzarding outside.
The union can't be here today. They said if it turns into a disciplinary meeting, to stop the meeting and tell them you want to have union representation before it goes any further. But, part of me just wants to get it over with.
My gut instinct is they are going to get into their "you didn't do blah blah blah" and then ask me to sign something. That's their M.O. They set up a meeting and ask some unsuspecting person to sign something, with no notice or no real explanation of what you're signing, or if you have a choice. Then they sign it, and we own their behinds. That's why I'm not signing anything, period.
I'm thinking if things get too rough, I might just go to the hospital. I'd like to avoid that at all costs, but if it has to happen, it has to happen.
I feel okay. Last night at the restaurant I got two positive comment cards. Plus, the owner/manager went around to my tables to ask about me and apparently the people said positive things! At least I am doing a good job there. It's just so slowwwww because of the weather. I think I will do pretty decent once business picks up. Like, when it's ont -2 or actively blizzarding outside.
The union can't be here today. They said if it turns into a disciplinary meeting, to stop the meeting and tell them you want to have union representation before it goes any further. But, part of me just wants to get it over with.
My gut instinct is they are going to get into their "you didn't do blah blah blah" and then ask me to sign something. That's their M.O. They set up a meeting and ask some unsuspecting person to sign something, with no notice or no real explanation of what you're signing, or if you have a choice. Then they sign it, and we own their behinds. That's why I'm not signing anything, period.
I'm thinking if things get too rough, I might just go to the hospital. I'd like to avoid that at all costs, but if it has to happen, it has to happen.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I like your hospital idea. Stall it etc..
One thing tho to think about is be thankful you have that other job. Maybe you cant pay all your bills on it but it is something. Some form of an income god forbid. And since your doing well there it gives you a sense of achievement and a job thats a hair more rewarding then the other.
I think one of the biggest issues with my job is I have no sense of reward from it. People need someting rewarding about there job in order to stay motivated even if hte job is crap. I've worked crap jobs in the past but my coworkers where great to be around and that alone was rewarding enough for me to keep going back etc..
just think either way at the end of the day this nonsense will be over and done with and you can move on in whatever direction thats gonna be.
At least you wont be worried about that big scary meeting on tuesday. If your like me you can find something else to worry about ::facepalm:: no but seriously at least it'll be over and done with and you'll know the outcome there will be no more scary unknowns.
One thing tho to think about is be thankful you have that other job. Maybe you cant pay all your bills on it but it is something. Some form of an income god forbid. And since your doing well there it gives you a sense of achievement and a job thats a hair more rewarding then the other.
I think one of the biggest issues with my job is I have no sense of reward from it. People need someting rewarding about there job in order to stay motivated even if hte job is crap. I've worked crap jobs in the past but my coworkers where great to be around and that alone was rewarding enough for me to keep going back etc..
just think either way at the end of the day this nonsense will be over and done with and you can move on in whatever direction thats gonna be.
At least you wont be worried about that big scary meeting on tuesday. If your like me you can find something else to worry about ::facepalm:: no but seriously at least it'll be over and done with and you'll know the outcome there will be no more scary unknowns.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
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I don't think it is allowed to happen the way you are describing it.
Knowing the process and others who have gone through it - you could be presented with the facts and the issues.
You would have an opportunity to give your side.
They have to listen to your side.
They will also need to investigate further - so witness statements if other employers were involved.
There would be a period of time to make a decision about how it will be dealt with.
Then another meeting will be set up where they deliver the verdict.
Throughout this period of time you could be suspended from work. But you might not be.
In the UK they can sack you straight away if it an act of gross misconduct - stealing etc.
Otherwise they could give you a warning.
There can be a verbal warning, a written warning or a final written warning, dismissal.
They can go in at any level.
They don't have to begin with the verbal warning.
So could go straight to written warning and then if anything else bad happens you would loose your job.
You can ask the meeting to be halted at any time so you can gather your responses or get some time to think.
You cannot get sacked on the spot UNLESS it is gross misconduct.
If you do they are likely to be in breach of employment law.
Try to be calm.
Don't think too far ahead.
Don't sign, admit or agree to anything you are not sure about or need advise about.
Will you let us know?
Knowing the process and others who have gone through it - you could be presented with the facts and the issues.
You would have an opportunity to give your side.
They have to listen to your side.
They will also need to investigate further - so witness statements if other employers were involved.
There would be a period of time to make a decision about how it will be dealt with.
Then another meeting will be set up where they deliver the verdict.
Throughout this period of time you could be suspended from work. But you might not be.
In the UK they can sack you straight away if it an act of gross misconduct - stealing etc.
Otherwise they could give you a warning.
There can be a verbal warning, a written warning or a final written warning, dismissal.
They can go in at any level.
They don't have to begin with the verbal warning.
So could go straight to written warning and then if anything else bad happens you would loose your job.
You can ask the meeting to be halted at any time so you can gather your responses or get some time to think.
You cannot get sacked on the spot UNLESS it is gross misconduct.
If you do they are likely to be in breach of employment law.
Try to be calm.
Don't think too far ahead.
Don't sign, admit or agree to anything you are not sure about or need advise about.
Will you let us know?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
I am very happy with my second job. I really like everyone that works there; we are truly a team. At first I was taken back by everyone being so helpful!
I like the small part of this job where I get to help people. I find meaning in that. It's just the rest of it...pls these meanies I work for are always acting like me being nice is a liability and it's a negative and not a positive. They want to be nice to no one, ever. Under the right circumstances, they will roll each other under the bus to look better. Unbelievable.
Part of today is probably them being mad at me for being "too nice."
The hospital- it's because my depression gets so bad. I might not be able to wait the 3-4 weeks it will take to see a new doctor and be evaluated. I hate the hospital, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. I've been many times...
I like the small part of this job where I get to help people. I find meaning in that. It's just the rest of it...pls these meanies I work for are always acting like me being nice is a liability and it's a negative and not a positive. They want to be nice to no one, ever. Under the right circumstances, they will roll each other under the bus to look better. Unbelievable.
Part of today is probably them being mad at me for being "too nice."
The hospital- it's because my depression gets so bad. I might not be able to wait the 3-4 weeks it will take to see a new doctor and be evaluated. I hate the hospital, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. I've been many times...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by alaina742
I am very happy with my second job. I really like everyone that works there; we are truly a team. At first I was taken back by everyone being so helpful!
I like the small part of this job where I get to help people. I find meaning in that. It's just the rest of it...pls these meanies I work for are always acting like me being nice is a liability and it's a negative and not a positive. They want to be nice to no one, ever. Under the right circumstances, they will roll each other under the bus to look better. Unbelievable.
Part of today is probably them being mad at me for being "too nice."
The hospital- it's because my depression gets so bad. I might not be able to wait the 3-4 weeks it will take to see a new doctor and be evaluated. I hate the hospital, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. I've been many times...
I like the small part of this job where I get to help people. I find meaning in that. It's just the rest of it...pls these meanies I work for are always acting like me being nice is a liability and it's a negative and not a positive. They want to be nice to no one, ever. Under the right circumstances, they will roll each other under the bus to look better. Unbelievable.
Part of today is probably them being mad at me for being "too nice."
The hospital- it's because my depression gets so bad. I might not be able to wait the 3-4 weeks it will take to see a new doctor and be evaluated. I hate the hospital, but sometimes it is a necessary evil. I've been many times...
The odd thing in my case is my immeidiate supervisor i have no issues with but he sadly has like 0 power. the guy above him his the authority really and he's a *****. But oddly has never told me i'm stupid or something. He has however laughed at me and called me Norm (like from the show cheers) and indirectly made fun of my weight when i was heavy. He's also lied to me numerous times over the years in reality i probably take it all way to personally but I cant help it its just how i'm wired.
my advice? would be to zoom in on that second job. I dont mean its gonna solve your problems but. when your there savor it. It'll give you that sense of self worth and help you feel better. focus your energies in places like that as you'll get a lot more out of it and it'll help you weather the storm at the crap job too till you can find a better solution.
Do what your good at and what makes you feel good and do it regularly so you can help keep your spirits up with a sense of self worth reward achievment build your confidence etc... then when life knocks you down you wont get knocked down as far.
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