Give me a focus for the weekend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
Give me a focus for the weekend
It's day 51, the longest I've gone without a drink in over 10 years. I'm about to crumble.
I was a very functional alcoholic when I stopped. This makes it harder sometimes because I feel if I drink again my risk is long term, not this week or next. It's mainly a health issue.. I know it's killing my liver slowly. Or not so slowly. I tell myself I don't care. I know I am depressed some, when I truly think I don't care about my longevity.
I met a gal when I was drinking. She called me out on being a drunk. I agreed, and agreed to do something about it. As we got to the get sober date, she distanced herself to 'friend' (though any and all support was offered... but what am I going to do, watch her meet someone else while I'm dealing with this for months? I have to put distance there or the crushing blow will be just the same when it happens). I got sober as planned. 51 days ago.
It's cold, snowy, I work, I read, I try to sleep, rinse repeat. Been dealing with digestive issues, insomnia.. With the exception of 6-8am (thanks to no hangover) I feel worse, have more ongoing problems, and am lonelier and more miserable now than I was 52 days ago.
Now it's the weekend, there's no spouse, no kids.. it's just me.
All I want to do is drink tonight, and tomorrow night. Then of course it will be back to every night. "Why not?"My AV tells me. "you were having more fun back then".
the AV seems correct on that one part. Just that one. I'm listening to it today.
I was a very functional alcoholic when I stopped. This makes it harder sometimes because I feel if I drink again my risk is long term, not this week or next. It's mainly a health issue.. I know it's killing my liver slowly. Or not so slowly. I tell myself I don't care. I know I am depressed some, when I truly think I don't care about my longevity.
I met a gal when I was drinking. She called me out on being a drunk. I agreed, and agreed to do something about it. As we got to the get sober date, she distanced herself to 'friend' (though any and all support was offered... but what am I going to do, watch her meet someone else while I'm dealing with this for months? I have to put distance there or the crushing blow will be just the same when it happens). I got sober as planned. 51 days ago.
It's cold, snowy, I work, I read, I try to sleep, rinse repeat. Been dealing with digestive issues, insomnia.. With the exception of 6-8am (thanks to no hangover) I feel worse, have more ongoing problems, and am lonelier and more miserable now than I was 52 days ago.
Now it's the weekend, there's no spouse, no kids.. it's just me.
All I want to do is drink tonight, and tomorrow night. Then of course it will be back to every night. "Why not?"My AV tells me. "you were having more fun back then".
the AV seems correct on that one part. Just that one. I'm listening to it today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 398
Commit to periods of time. Watch a movie. If you have Netflix, start into a TV series. (If you don't, it's only like 7-8 dollars a month.) Just stay sober for the movie. Cook a healthy dinner. Stay sober during he time it takes to cook and eat. Stuff like that
Call people and go to meetings if you're in AA!
And spend time on here
Call people and go to meetings if you're in AA!
And spend time on here
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
No, you don't have to listen to it. 51 days is huge.
Maybe the woman was meant to be with you to encourage and then move on.
I live alone and I have no living family. My best friend had a nervous breakdown and we broke up. I am single. I'm not working. I'm almost at one year sobriety and I will never go back.
Stick with it, it gets better. What are you moving toward? Not just what you are moving away from. It is much more important to focus on what you are trying to add to your life.
Join a gym or a club. Go to church. Hit an AA meeting. Go on a nature hike with the Audubon Club, take up golf. Learn to swim. Buy a motorcycle. C'mon, life is huge!
Maybe the woman was meant to be with you to encourage and then move on.
I live alone and I have no living family. My best friend had a nervous breakdown and we broke up. I am single. I'm not working. I'm almost at one year sobriety and I will never go back.
Stick with it, it gets better. What are you moving toward? Not just what you are moving away from. It is much more important to focus on what you are trying to add to your life.
Join a gym or a club. Go to church. Hit an AA meeting. Go on a nature hike with the Audubon Club, take up golf. Learn to swim. Buy a motorcycle. C'mon, life is huge!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by RoyGBiv 
All I want to do is drink tonight, and tomorrow night. Then of course it will be back to every night. "Why not?"My AV tells me. "you were having more fun back then".
And you did return to drinking. Did it really feel better than sobriety? Really?
I suggest you stay close to SR.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,884
For me, it helps me to remember what tomorrow morning will feel like. As lonely as I can get in the early days, it doesn't even touch upon the seven levels of Hades that a hangover brings with it.
Yes, there is a temporary respite while the brain is flooding you with dopamine. BUt there is a price to pay, and that is tomorrow when the depression that kicks in makes lonliness look like a walk in the park.
In those 51 days, you may not be feeling it quite yet, but there is a profound amount of healing going on in your body. Brain, liver, pancreas, skin, hair, nails. I know you have fought hard to get these days under your belt.
Who would EVER, in their right mind, want to have to go back to day one ?
Find your resolve, just for today. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
Yes, there is a temporary respite while the brain is flooding you with dopamine. BUt there is a price to pay, and that is tomorrow when the depression that kicks in makes lonliness look like a walk in the park.
In those 51 days, you may not be feeling it quite yet, but there is a profound amount of healing going on in your body. Brain, liver, pancreas, skin, hair, nails. I know you have fought hard to get these days under your belt.
Who would EVER, in their right mind, want to have to go back to day one ?
Find your resolve, just for today. Let tomorrow take care of itself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 102
doggon..: I did say that in June and that was less then 30 days in. I still feel that way at 50.. maybe its the AV leveraging my uhh...digestive issues, against me. Its easy to forget the hangovers and focus on what hurts now, today.
alpha: the one thing that's kept me going so far is knowing that guilty feeling in the morning when 50 resets to zero. I've dreamed it twice. Then the AV says, 'it'll pass.. you'll get over it' then I remember it again.
its frozen outside, arrrgh why did I quit in winter. I'm an avid golfer who can't golf.
The weekends are where it hurts most... when I miss going out. Haven't met any sober friends yet.
alpha: the one thing that's kept me going so far is knowing that guilty feeling in the morning when 50 resets to zero. I've dreamed it twice. Then the AV says, 'it'll pass.. you'll get over it' then I remember it again.
its frozen outside, arrrgh why did I quit in winter. I'm an avid golfer who can't golf.
The weekends are where it hurts most... when I miss going out. Haven't met any sober friends yet.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Congrats on day 51 your AV is never right NEVER
Give it time there will be hard days but get through it & tomorrow is another day
Surround yourself with your sober buds at SR there is an online mtn at 9pm est in chat if you like
If you want to vent talk chat send a pm bud your not alone
Give it time there will be hard days but get through it & tomorrow is another day
Surround yourself with your sober buds at SR there is an online mtn at 9pm est in chat if you like
If you want to vent talk chat send a pm bud your not alone
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
Congrats on 51 days. That is a huge accomplishment plus it's a personal best for you. Like AO said trying to get out of the moment and "play the tape through" helped. You have identified being alone and it being the weekend as a trigger. Get out of the house and be around people you can socialize with. If you can't do that then stick around here. It's not always going to be like this. The longer you go the more used to not drinking you get.
Have you seen this site?http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ky/versailles/
Have you seen this site?http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ky/versailles/
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
RoyGBiv, I feel the same way, and I'm really just on day 2. I'm a functioning alcoholic that missed work for the first time ever due to a hangover yesterday. It's also really hard being single and living alone and not having someone to spend time with.
I've never been a daily drinker, but often "reward" myself by going crazy on weekends and then the guilt/embarassment/depression from the hangover is usually 10X worse than the pleasure associated from the first couple drinks (usually leads to blackout). Inevitably, I get over that embarassment and then I do it to myself again.
Congrats on 51 days. Good luck this weekend.
I've never been a daily drinker, but often "reward" myself by going crazy on weekends and then the guilt/embarassment/depression from the hangover is usually 10X worse than the pleasure associated from the first couple drinks (usually leads to blackout). Inevitably, I get over that embarassment and then I do it to myself again.
Congrats on 51 days. Good luck this weekend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
"Why not?" my AV tells me. "you were having more fun back then".
Do we share an AV?
I absolutely understand where you are, right now. I just passed my 6 month mark, and the above message from my AV swirls through my head with increasing regularity.
I, too, decided on sobriety primarily for health reasons. I do feel better, and feel better about not damaging my body. But I think this is a difficult motivator to maintain - it the primary damage to your life from alcohol was invisible and not directly experienced, it isn't simple to decide to never drink again...
I also am single. I've been living alone for almost six years. Recently my adult daughter returned to live with me; she is getting sober also - before that I didn't have a single human being that I was accountable to for my sobriety except myself.
So, from just a couple of months down the road, my only message to you is that you aren't alone, and that I am still proud and happy that I didn't cave through these last six months. I don't have amazing improvements in my life conditions, and - like you - quitting drinking actually ended my newer relationship (because mine wanted to continue drinking heavily). So loneliness (for a partner, not for friends) has been a dominant theme for me these last few weeks (it appears to be growing in intensity as the fog clears).
I always return to the idea that there is some sort of higher plan (whether that is God or not, none of us know). I like to imagine that I'm waiting for a "more-right" love. The important thing is that I had these last few years of open possibility while I was drinking of finding my partner, and even with the freedom and access (because dating is definitely easier while drinking) I didn't find him. So, I need to stop blaming sobriety for my being alone. I was already alone, except for my brief live-in stint with a super-alcoholic who (I believe) was part of the "plan" because his level of consumption pushed me to the place of growing my drinking enough to make me uncomfortable.
It is normal for us to have doubts and cravings. It is normal for us to feel lonely and to wonder if we made the right choice. It doesn't mean it is a better life for us to return to alcohol.
I remember it as being more fun also, by the way. There are a lot of valuable aspects of our lives, and fun-factor is only one of them. If my fun-factor is low right now, it is more than balanced out with my health, my feeling good about myself, my small successes. I don't want a forever with less fun, but I'm being willing about having a period of my life (early sobriety) which is less fun and simply moving through it to the other side...
Do we share an AV?
I absolutely understand where you are, right now. I just passed my 6 month mark, and the above message from my AV swirls through my head with increasing regularity.
I, too, decided on sobriety primarily for health reasons. I do feel better, and feel better about not damaging my body. But I think this is a difficult motivator to maintain - it the primary damage to your life from alcohol was invisible and not directly experienced, it isn't simple to decide to never drink again...
I also am single. I've been living alone for almost six years. Recently my adult daughter returned to live with me; she is getting sober also - before that I didn't have a single human being that I was accountable to for my sobriety except myself.
So, from just a couple of months down the road, my only message to you is that you aren't alone, and that I am still proud and happy that I didn't cave through these last six months. I don't have amazing improvements in my life conditions, and - like you - quitting drinking actually ended my newer relationship (because mine wanted to continue drinking heavily). So loneliness (for a partner, not for friends) has been a dominant theme for me these last few weeks (it appears to be growing in intensity as the fog clears).
I always return to the idea that there is some sort of higher plan (whether that is God or not, none of us know). I like to imagine that I'm waiting for a "more-right" love. The important thing is that I had these last few years of open possibility while I was drinking of finding my partner, and even with the freedom and access (because dating is definitely easier while drinking) I didn't find him. So, I need to stop blaming sobriety for my being alone. I was already alone, except for my brief live-in stint with a super-alcoholic who (I believe) was part of the "plan" because his level of consumption pushed me to the place of growing my drinking enough to make me uncomfortable.
It is normal for us to have doubts and cravings. It is normal for us to feel lonely and to wonder if we made the right choice. It doesn't mean it is a better life for us to return to alcohol.
I remember it as being more fun also, by the way. There are a lot of valuable aspects of our lives, and fun-factor is only one of them. If my fun-factor is low right now, it is more than balanced out with my health, my feeling good about myself, my small successes. I don't want a forever with less fun, but I'm being willing about having a period of my life (early sobriety) which is less fun and simply moving through it to the other side...
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Seems like you need to find things to do. Is there an animal shelter nearby? Go volunteer. You clean up a little poop and then play with the dogs and cats. It's quite therapeutic.
Find something. Get out of your room and out of your head for a while.
Congrats on 52 days. Keep it going.
Find something. Get out of your room and out of your head for a while.
Congrats on 52 days. Keep it going.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
If nothing else, post to others Roy 
It's my experience we know what the right thing to do is, even if we don't always take our own advice, we can pass that good advice onto others.
Post to others, help them out - you might find you shut your AV up too
D
It's my experience we know what the right thing to do is, even if we don't always take our own advice, we can pass that good advice onto others.
Post to others, help them out - you might find you shut your AV up too
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: down under
Posts: 23
I know how enticing that AV can be and I understand that it takes at least a year for the brain to start to regain eqilibrium after the assault from alcohol..all the receptors have to rebalance ..if you have digestive issues then maybe you could have some malnutition as nutrients not absorbed?.. this would exacerbate your low mood. I have read that most over drinkers suffer from nutritional deficiencies.
I know that we are unique with our physiologies .. I felt terrible for the first few months..now 11 months and starting to feel some hope for the future!
I know that we are unique with our physiologies .. I felt terrible for the first few months..now 11 months and starting to feel some hope for the future!
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