zjw

I used to wake up on my depressed days thinking whats my purpose today? and I'd define something i had to tend too. Maybe its post here and help someone else. Maybe its some chore i gotta do. Maybe its make one of my kids smile.

Notice in my case rarely if ever was my purpose to tackle my job. THats not where my smile came from. I'd fulfill that purpose even if it was small and some might say oh thats nothing ORLY? its sure is something for me a big something. Heck the fact that i'm even here today is a pretty big something!

Maybe find a purpose pick something your good at and just keep doing it. even if its stupid. I polished a lot of stuff for while. why? it gave me a sense of achievement it made me feel as if i was getting somewhere in some sort of direction. People thought it was wierd some of the stuff i did. Gee why are you polishing an old kerosene heater or fixing a CB radio who uses those things.... I'd get laughed at etc.. so what it gave me something to do something to be proud of myself for etc.. All those little somethings add up.

zjw

It sure is!! its ok. when you first sober up its like you feel like your going to fall apart and fall over all the time till you steady yourself it takes some time it'll get easier.

I've had to stomach my job woes. I hope you can find an easier solution to yours.

mavrick

Hi alaina, how are you feeling now ? I hope you're a little better.
Lots of help for you on this site, just stick around and stay strong and remember everything passes.

JaylaaKent

Sorry for your loss - I agree with maybe seeking some grief counseling. If you go to meetings share about how you feel; and of course talk about it here.

alaina742

I really need something in my life to go right. Tonight was a nightmare, and I hardly made any money.

fini

alaina,
it might help to take a breather and think of all the good things in your life.
sounds like you have a job. no, two jobs. okay. you're earning a living.
you have a house. wow. you can look at other houses you can afford. wow.
you can go to the gym. wow.
you have too much to be on social assistance. wow.


and you're depressed and trying to quit drinking.

these are two things you can do something about, get help with.
just as it says in your avatar: you can change how it's going to end.

you picked that avatar for a reason.

alaina742

I know how I want it to end right now and it ain't pretty.

I am starting to believe I will never be happy.

Soberwolf

Hang on in there Alaina

fini

then go get some help that's more than chatting here, alaina.

if you can't find anything good in your life or can't change that defeatist belief.
and i'm not being snarky here; just saying if you can't do it yourself, can't see differently, reach out in "real" life.

alaina742

I don't care. At least when I had my addiction I knew I could die at any time.

I just screw everything up. There is no hope. I will always be so depressed I cannot function. I won't ever be able to change things. I just feel humiliated everywhere I go. Can't I be good at something? Can't something good happen?

Lorax1981

It takes a while after getting sober to feel better. Sounds like you're taking some good steps, just got to be patient and keep at it. Things can get better but it's a slow process. Keep doing the things that will help, stay away from the booze, and be kind to yourself.
-Ted

Dee74

It's really had to see beyond the moment when you're depressed. It''s like the bad timeline version of living in the moment.

I remember thinking that nothing would ever get better, I was doomed, I deserved no more than I got, Bad things happened to me...so why not drink.

20 years on I can point to the very real changes in my life since then.

I know it's hard to have faith in something you have little experience of...but life will get undeniably better if you stay sober and get some help for your depression, Alaina.

It may not be instant, but it will be inevitable - things really do get better

Don't let the despair of the moment stop you from continuing to move forward

markz

"three possibilities causing you to drink"
Nope just one possibility.
Cant blame anything, anyone else but OURSELVES.
What a concept!

alaina742

I have no choice but to move forward, if you mean work, which is pretty much the only thing in my life. Apparently I make too much money to even be considered for disability. I guess if I do wind up quitting my day job, I should have no problem qualifying because I'm not making anything at this new job.

THIS is why I don't believe that God will help me. This new job is not going well at all, I'm on the verge of getting fired from my first job, all I ask for is one good day and it keeps getting worse.

Carlotta

I am sorry that you are having a rough time mentally and financially.
I am not preaching here, (my higher power is feminine in nature btw) but can't you believe at least in Good Orderly Directions from a Group Of Drunks?
We have all been through the wringers with alcohol and as a collective we have tons of experience which can help guide you.
If you listen to our suggestions, things will start improving. Maybe not materially at first but it will get easier mentally. When it comes to sobriety, I heard the following which is so true in my case at least.
It's not always that life get easier but we do get better at life.
There is a wide variety of approaches on SR but I think the one message we all carry is don't drink no matter what because there is no problem that drinking won't make worst.

I am not sure where you are located but if you are in the US, keep in mind that it takes a long time >talking months if not a year or two< to get approved for disability and that you will have to hire a lawyer. Once you get approved (which is not that easy, I have seen people with physical problems get turned down so depression will be even harder) you get a chunk of money for back benefits but the lawyer will take 33%
This is why in WA, there are so many people in homeless shelters who are waiting for their disability to kick in. They get GAU in the interim which at $197 a month is definitely not a sustainable income.

Keeping sober will help you make clear headed decisions. Drinking will certainly not help your situation whether you get fired/quit or not.

Hang in there and don't drink no matter what.

hugs